feeling hopeless.

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this woman who says she is my friend wont' leave me alone every time we talk she letucres me about eh trufh that women don't want men who don't make good money and I just have to accept it. I am I planning to kill myself, I don't need to constantly hear about how horrible I am then she says its me saying I'm horrible. how the heck is telling someone they worthless and its just how it is, not saying they horrible and worthless. o

so if i went and called a woman a slut would I not be calling her slu*ty?

she has met a guy who is going pay for all her s**t, let her live with him and she like I love him for who he is. really sso betting that if he wsn't the dream guy she wanted like if he'd have a low paying job or no job she'd never be with him.

omg so pissed

like rich person saying thy'd be the same if they weren't rich. yeah sure. lets talk about non possible s**t. well If i was a fox with wings I'd fly and kill dragons. sure. you can't say one thing then ackt like you don't mean it.

think I'll just never leave my house ever again.

She's just one ridiculous woman, Sly.

Go out in the fresh air, Sir!

I've thought about this a lot, mostly because the thought alone makes me feel better, to know eventually all of the unseen tension building up between the folds of my brain will cease & the prolonged anguish will end. No more would anyone make me feel GUILTY about it because THEY want me around so much for no other reason than to just... EXIST. I couldn't even talk about it to the closest people I knew -- they just told me to stop telling them because it was upsetting them. For so long my brain felt like a clenched fist, physically & emotionally.

I'm not a very religious person. I think there's something bigger happening than we can all comprehend, I don't know what it is and I may never know. I just know, as long as I'm not a prisoner of war being tortured or something, It's probably A WAY BETTER GAMBLE just dealing with life and grabbing at every opportunity that goes by. I may shut my eyes in death and cease to exist -- or maybe something much worse than this reality awaits. The way my life has gone, I'm not willing to find out if It's the ladder anytime soon.

I decided to become a calm calculating adversary toward life. Biding my time. Enduring. I am not often functional, and people are more often than not gigantic jerks but I have vowed to capitalize on any opportunity when I am able whether It's presented to me in the form of a spring in my step that day or someone offering me assistance by chance.

I'm probably not very helpful, since this was intentionally not advice. I am NOT a professional by any means, this is just how I cope with a similar scenario myself. Such a life gave me a hidden strengths, the 8 years I spent trapped by 4 walls looking out at the world through a computer monitor gave me something I thought was typical/useless -- the ability type accurately with a high cadence. Due to recent events this had only JUST dawned on me, 5 years after liberating myself from that forsaken room... I've only just begun peeling back the stigma I put on myself, I plan to take advantage of this opportunity as soon as I feel able. I have already found many work from home opportunities online Transcribing, this also opened my eyes to how many jobs there actually are online once you look past the frauds.

These ideals aren't likely to pan out but each one offers a chance at an opportunity like the one before it had, opening my eyes to new solutions. By days end though, It's not that impressive. Life has yet to become "comfortable" but there's change. I've stirred the pot, even if only a little bit. I want to see some more glimpses of such vibrant light. Even if I don't necessarily anticipate it.

After all, this choice will be MADE for me ultimately. The Reaper will do all the heavy lifting and I don't need to dwell on it as much.

Also my apologies, It's 5:30 AM + I'm running a fever, so I probably sound like a raving lunatic. I also have a very dark/bleak outlook on life. This is the only reason I ask you not to take this as advice -- but as the wisdom I've cobbled together to survive, It's far from universal and I'm definitely not in a position to offer anyone healthy insights. I'm just another underdog.

Before I wrap this up, I'd like to apologize for any ignorance I may have shown in my first paragraph. I don't regret any of it but I understand It's easy for NO ONE. However, most of the things others had said to me during my worst days... Seemed incredibly selfish & cruel to me, when I couldn't even think or see past the phantom pain bleeding throughout every single neuron. I'm probably a tad biased in respect to myself.

I don't want to burden the women out there with my ugly and worthlessness.

and seeing them just depresses me now .

There are folk who have started their own thing with very little capital. Depending what interests you, as you must have an interest in the thing you want to do, you might not need a great deal. Check online for things that can start small with very little startup money but the potential to grow.

Just take a shower, shave with that expensive equipment, and stand up straight.

Nobody will think you're a burden, then.

And don't talk too much about guns until you get to know the person better.

One of the reasons I felt like I should kill myself is because there was one person saying that I need to do a bunch of things that would create burnout in anyone in order to be successful and they said that it is just the way it is. I also kept being told that I needed to conform to be successful, which made me think the way I was would make me screwed later in life.

I decided not to listen to them because they acted like a jerk. Plus, most of what they were saying were either over-generalizations or just plain wrong. There was no evidence for a lot of what they were saying, and in fact, there was a lot of evidence that they were wrong.

I find that when people saying something is just the way it is and that you just have to accept it, they either don't understand why something is the way it is or they are making assumptions.

I am glad that you are questioning that person's statement that you are the one saying you're horrible, not them. One of the reasons I got better was because I questioned what people were saying to me. At the time, I didn't see it as a sign that things were getting better, and I needed reassurance from other people to be convinced that I will be getting better. It took some time to be able to decide to disagree with people who were acting like jerks, but I did it.

I agree that that person is implying that you are a horrible person, and that is a mean thing to say. To say that people won't like you because of who you are or because of your status or whatever is a value judgement. When people say no one will like you because you are XYZ, they are just saying what kinds of people they dislike and they are projecting their opinion on other people. That person is definitely not a friend.

Greetings friend, I am 28 this year and until a year ago I was very much like you, I was sitting inside playing game all day long I didn't have a job, didn't even lift money I had a legal right to for years, I just did not care, all thoughts of the future made me want to literally kill myself. To make a long story short so I get to the point today I'll just say that 13 months ago I was recruiting for my clan on World of Tanks and came across this girl. She's 20 this year and we where talking over voice chat, she had a boyfriend since 6 years and lived in another country. But for some reason she liked talking to me, and I was very curious about her, it was like she wanted something from me, but I had no clue what. So we kept talking (5 hours +/per day, still going with that), and I made sure to always be honest and direct with her, and demand the same treatment back.
I've had one relationship before that, and it didn't leave me wanting more, I like that girl, but never loved her and it all fell apart quickly.
I realized quite soon that a lot of things I had done actually destroyed things for me.
So when I started talking with this new girl I made a rule for my life: Whatever I felt was the right thing to do, but had no reasons except things like "it's for the best" or other dark thoughts I do the opposite. It's been really hard, I've been doing s**t jobs that I hate, I've gone through the worst depressions I've had when she tried to cut contact, but I always stuck to "Do the opposite" and remained nice and understanding to her, every time she tried to chase me away by hurting me I'd just absorb it and trust that her feelings for me where strong enough to win in the end. Don't get me wrong, I've had my moments too, when all felt like it should be given up, and I tried a few times to end it, but then it was her turn to be the strong one and support me and not let me go.
I'm working every day, struggling to be the man I want her to have, the man I want to be, and it's the man she wants.
She's moving here to me soon, and I'm terrified and thrilled at the same time. I have no place to live so far, very poor income, and she's poor as a church rat as well. (After all, she's not even 20) but she trust I'll have things worked out, and I do my very best to never let her down.
So my humble advice to you is: Supply what they really need, and the girl will fall for you and love you to bits.
And if the darkness takes over, do the opposite it tells you.

Stay strong friend, and meet people online, it's the best place for us.
And if you have any questions, feel free to PM if you want.

The comics.

I still shave its the only thing I really get to enjoy anymore. though I cant do it when depressed or I get nicks and cuts.

they'll know I'm worthless. none of them would ever want anything to do with me. they shoud' have to see worthless useless men.

the first one. all the others have such high hopes and dreams of what they'll be doing in the future. yet the fox like me, just wants to be as he is already. hes/shes content with just being a fox. while one may say he/she is just too stupid to know better, I disagree.

2nd one I though was pretty clear, fox likes female fox, but fox messes up and female fox finds it unattractive. ie how aspies will say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. up until that the female fox found the fox attractive but then it burped out a butterfly and she was disgusted. I feel this is often how it happens with aspies, one person thought the stupid fox seems very aspie and perhaps they are true, perhaps the author is an aspie and portray her struggles via the comics.

why can't she just accept that maybe what I say is true, she accuses me of lying and not being willing to accept what she said as the absolute truth but she is unwilling to do the same.

People who say that you just have to accept the truth when they say something are often people who think they are always right. You don't have to agree with her or have her agree with you. What she is doing is forcing her opinion on you.

One technique I learned from a blog called Real Social Skills to make it more bearable when someone is hurting me in some way is to think, "I'm okay, they're mean." Doing that may help you.

I thought the butterfly was a metaphor for something beautiful.

I hope you get the hint, Sly! It's time to stop beating up on yourself. If you start viewing yourself as attractive, maybe women will too.