Rants

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I absolutely hate the new YouTube video tab. I hate it!

There was absolutely nothing wrong with the other one, it was awesome. But this new one is s**t, it reminds me of a tablet.

Google just f***s everything up. Grr...

You wont win. I can't believe I was ready to give up. Getting "help", commiting suicide, or carrying on as I have been, all seemed like the same. So I actually started to believe there was something wrong with me, that I needed therapy or medication. But I finally feel like myself again. You had to try and trick me. My mental defenses were too high for you to handle, so you found a way to lower them. Well done. You had me ready to declare defeat. But guess what? I'm back and I've been gone for far too long. I may not know how to win but I do know how not to lose. I never give up. I never have. Never will.
I may not know all the rules but you've shown me some flaws in your own plan. And I know you're afriad of me.
I dont know if I can trust anyone but it doesn't make a difference anyway. I've always been on my own. It kinda sucks but as we all know, I prefer it that way. And knowing why this is happening, or at least partially, makes it ok. You f****d up there.
I didn't realize you could play dirty. But, you know, fool me once...
If there is a way for me to win, I will find it. You wont get whatever it is you're after. I've found my will power again. You're f****d.

Check the stupid date of the post before you needlessly necrobump a thread from 2006.

Road work, delayed busses, and two big concerts coming up.

I am very stressed this morning.

Last night Ubuntu crashed on me, so I rebooted my PC and all of the sudden I could couldn't close anything and had no internet access, then I rebooted again and I couldn't login so I realized I had to re-install Ubuntu all over again. I couldn't find my f*****g USB drive so I had to look all over the place and luckily I found my USB drive that I keep just in case something like this happens. I ran into many problems in the installation process but eventually I got it to install.

At one point I pondered switching to Debian or even Windows.

My computer is up and running and I intend to keep it that way.

I despise anxiety with a red hot fiery passion of death and destruction right now.
Almost as much as I hate debt. Why can't life be like video games where there are quest givers and I can just go out and grind for a few days and make the money we need to not die...
If we can't find the money we need by the later half of the month, I don't know what we're going to do. And now I can't even think about checking my email without getting a burst of anxiety that causes actual pain in my chest and head and I feel sick.
Hate it.

I know that someone lied to me today so that they wouldn't have to offer up some information that I'd asked for. I feel so upset by this because they could have really helped me but obviously have chosen not to. Feeling so alone with this plight, no one knows how much I'm suffering.

I want someone to accept me for who I am, even just a single person would be enough. Maybe my trust issues are misplaced but I don't feel like I can really trust anyone.
Of course, I wish I could trust someone, instead of wondering whether they have ulterior motives or not. I want to be able to open up to someone and not go overboard, or not have to worry about that being a problem.

It's starting to feel like most of the people who I thought were my friends only hang out with and talk to me because they feel sorry for me. I really thought that they valued me before, but anymore it just seems like they only feel like they need to keep me company to entertain me or something. It feels like I'm just a burden to them and that's the last thing I want to be. I could be paranoid, but I'm starting to think that I don't even have any real friends and that no one really cares about me. It feels like I can't trust anyone with my friendship because the same things keep happening. I can't seems to be able to connect with anyone. Even if they seem to enjoy my company when I'm alone with them it feels like once they are able to talk to another person I can't seem to be able connect with them anymore. It sometimes feels like I'm just disposable and that it's impossible for me to have a genuine relationship with anyone. It's so confusing and frustrating and what makes it harder is that I start feeling way too attached to certain people.

It seems like almost everyone either feels sorry for me or targets and me I'm so sick of it. I'm independent and try to be friendly, but even then it still seems like people feel that they have to pity me or treat me like I'm some kind of burden. I feel so confused and frustrated about all of it. I'm so tired of the same things happening again and again in almost every situation.

I'm sitting here waiting on a phone call for a service that only these people are licensed to provide, so of course their response time is " When we feel like it".

I'm tired.

My co-worker's mom just died. He's a wreck, but he's making a go of it.

My cousin is in stage 4 ovarian cancer. She won't be around much longer, and spends most of her time in a morphine-induced haze.

The neighbors fight every night, and I'm sleeping on the couch at the other end of the house to avoid the noise.

My friend gave an inspirational talk to a roomful of women, and he's completely clueless to the significance of using only male role-models throughout his talk.

I just realized that politicians are nothing more than glorified salespeople, and that I wouldn't buy a used car from any of the current candidates for president of the U.S.

I've also just realized that the key to popularity is the packaging, promoting, and "selling" of one's self to your audience (fans, family, friends, coworkers, et cetera) without concern for substance or value. No wonder I can't stand salespeople or celebrities.

And I can't do anything to change any of this.

I'm tired.

I fscking HATE being broke. I also hate how fast time seems to go by for me. Why can't I make things slooooooow dooooooooown?

The same pattern seems to keep happening to me. I wish I could get some answers so that I could try to fix it or prevent it. I try to learn from my mistakes, but it doesn't seem to prevent it. Even when I'm extra careful and I feel like I can trust that it won't happen, it still does. It makes me feel so hurt and confused. I don't know what to do about it. I almost feel like I just can't trust anyone and no one really cares about me. What makes it worse is that I'm not even sure when these things are happening and then I get paranoid about it. It's so stressful and I wish I could get an answer.