I'm inclined to agree with you on the card idea. I'll still let it sit on backburner though just for kicks.
There won't be any "opportune moments" to actually talk to him about it. I quit the job. Other than the stress of knowing I will need to find new employment in the near future I couldn't be happier about it. Ibecome absolutely miserable and had retreated so far within myself from work and family issues it was unreal. I've had that 'alien' feeling before but this was one of the worst. My limited ability to relate and be personable eroded away and everything else was full circle. Besides, the job had an enormous social aspect dealing with many different people daily. Simply not for me at all.
I think they could have dealt with my reserved nature. I think it was mainly my reluctance to just hang around with them. I know that the big boss actually had the managers (warehouse guy in question included) sorta hold me hostage at the end of work on a Friday. He noticed how I wasn't fitting in. I'm sure his good intention was the thought they could get me to loosen up by chatting a while with me. I know it is sorta funny now. But I had went into the office to get my handheld and the nicest of the managers (I'll call him George) stopped me by saying "hang around a minute Eric". My instinct was I'd done something wrong and they wanted to talk about it. I actually stood there going from face to face begging to know what I'd done. They just grinned and pleaded that I wasn't in any trouble. Uneasily I squatted down to sit on my feet much like a bird. This amused the warehouse guy. He often commented on how he noticed my tendency to do that rather than take a chair. Anyhow, they just started small talking. Between all the chit chat I nervously watched the clock. I was tired, wanted to go home, and was just waiting to be embarrased by some question or another. I actually kept asking them why they didn't want to go home. This went on for about 10 minutes or so and I finally just stood up and said "Well, I'm outta here". George and the others wished me well and I darted out the door as quick as I could.
I know one of the other route drives made this comment to me once. It says alot about the general consensus I believe. "Hey Eric, how's it going?". I glance in his direction, make eye contact a split second, and go back to my box picking. I realize now that a typical person would have stopped what they were doing and gave full attention to the speaker. I couldn't. "I'm doing alright, how about you?". Again I was tired and not feeling up to socializing. I guess it was a pretty droll response. "You're just always so damn enthused aren't you?" So what do I do but be a smart alec and say "It's all for you Gary".
But I was never unpleasant to anyone there. I'd always come in. Try my best to smile and say "hi, how are ya?" and all that good stuff. It was the extra they wanted that I couldn't give and they grew sick of it along with myself.
Anyhow, I'll shut up now.
28 May 2007, 5:10 pm
