Rants

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I warned you. And you denied by justifying the word 'normal'. That's your true advocacy at the core. It's likely that you are "closed".

And outright told me that you are behavioral based. Ah, so that's where everything ends. For that, I will NEVER warn you again. After all, you thought you're "open" as you claimed, I'll let you figure it out yourself of things that you've done, and I will not sway you from the potential damage you WILL cause.

After all, that's how your model people do.

You're a perfect social mentor for the fear-driven. Which I'm not. Though you're one of the best pick I have, then I will have to put up with you until I see no point learning from you.

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Something's wrong.
I have trouble sleeping.
And the nightmares.
I hurt people.
I loathe myself. I'm full of s**t. Don't listen to anything I say, ever ever again. Please stay away from me for your own protection!
I'm scared

^That's disgusting!

I hope now that they have a camera installed near the book drop at the library, they can catch the disgusting people who have been peeing near or in it. Ugh!

'You should spend less time on your phone. You're always on your devices. You never talk to anyone. You don't know how to socialise. It's bad for you. You never want to chat...' Etc etc etc.

People don't get it. It's not about my phone or my laptop. It's about my friendship with one particular long-distant friend. That friendship is one of my top priorities because she is one of the only people who gets the way I think about stuff. She doesn't judge me; she doesn't throw negativity in my direction; she doesn't make judgemental statements about my life, career, choices, aspirations...

If it wasn't my phone, it would be something else. Hell, if technology didn't exist I'd be one of those desperate girls who goes crazy every time the mail arrives. I'd be that girl whose day got ruined if I didn't get a letter. Haha. It's so not about the technology, it's about my emotional heart that's completely obsessed with one girl, and places an extremely high value on her friendship.

But the rest of the world doesn't need to know. If they did, they'd just call me obsessive. Or call me out on having a crush. The interrogation would never end.

Better that they just think I'm obsessed with my phone.

Dear anonymous,

I have a knowledge of a great many things, your move and, checkmate. I don't think you should question what I do and do not know, you might hurt yourself if you do.

Somethings you have to keep things to yourself for self perseverance.

Even in the worse of circumstances, we have to believe there is a purpose.

Perception is not always reality, right and wrong can be a matter of opinion.

If my faith is chosen by a cruel hand, then I shall do my best always.

It is of no burden to me, I am at peace.

Sometimes its best to not be involved but I can handle the consequences because I am way stronger then I look on the surface and I will survive but I question if others can in the worse of circumstances?

I don't understand the fact that assisted suicide is not an option in every country and how life is considered so sacred and beautiful and whatever. Especially if the person saying this has a stable job/ marriage and have no real problems. Well chances are if you had my problems you would be considering suicide loooong before i ever did so i can't take you seriously at all

How sad I feel when I think my friends were only my friends for what they could get out of me. All the gifts I lavished on people and how nice I was to them, I seriously think were for nothing. I may as well never have bothered. I wish I had been meaner to people and insulted them more. Then maybe they'd respect me and I would now be receiving emails or texts out of the blue instead of being forgotten by everyone I thought valued my company. I am so pathetic.

I have never hurt anyone so I have nothing to fear,

I would think very carefully about what you want to do cause I don't think you want to do it.

I understand your ways and mine are far superior.

Oh I can see in a surprising number of states of mind, I don't think you going to want to question that.

I see and I have saw and I remember.

Do I seriously have to plan and do things in secret in order to make people not to worry about me?! Or not to outright interfere??

But then again, I'm used to do things in secret.
Yet I just had enough with people worrying.

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ah yes. its all my fault. no escaping that. no matter what and who and why, even if it's completely out of my control. it's my fault!

i don't get paid enough to deal with this straight BS lol.

but what's worse is being patronized. i'm not some fragile emotional creature, i can handle being bullshitted. at this point it's just stroking your own ego to pretend i can't handle my feelings.

I am so sick of my relatives treating me like I'm beyond stupid !
A few days ago, our litter-training baby pet crapped on the kitchen tiles, which I went to clean up. Which of course = step 1 - pick up the crap with paper and throw it away. Step 2 - wash and disinfect the floor. I had just picked it up and thrown it away, and before I could do anything, someone comes in and starts telling me what to do. "No, you have to wash the floor, not just pick it up. Use soap and water."
I know ! I know how to clean up ! How they trust me to be able to wipe my own arse is a mystery with this attitude. Anyone over the age of 5 would understand this.
Then tonight, someone had made salad, and I was picking stuff I didn't like out with tongs as I served myself. Someone comes up behind me and starts instructing me on how to serve myself salad - "you have to get the tongs in there and turn it over, to make sure everything is mixed in, and hasn't gone to the bottom."
I know ! I understand how to serve myself food !
I'm going to be un-PC and say it - they treat me like I am severely mentally ret*d. As if I don't understand how to do anything for myself, even the simplest things, without being told the bloody obvious.
I'm autistic, ok, but I have never given them any indication that I am aware of that I am incapable of simple tasks, or that I'm so stupid I don't understand how.
I really don't know why they treat me like this. When I confront them, they claim they weren't treating me as if I'm stupid. They evade with excuses like "I'm just trying to help."
Even if I explain that one should carefully consider if I would see fit to say this to them or not before they open their mouths, they still do this.