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IsabellaLinton
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10 May 2021, 11:21 pm

Marknis wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
What do you think?


If it can help me, I will try it.


Hugs. Good for you to be optimistic. There's no shame in hospital programs if they're chosen carefully. I was inpatient after my trauma and that's where I met my most beloved psychologist and life mentor. I hope you'll be able to do a lot of research and make an informed decision.



Marknis
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11 May 2021, 12:23 am

I have mixed feelings about what she told me. They are going to eat at me until I see her again.



enz
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11 May 2021, 1:12 am

Marknis wrote:
Admittedly, I don’t always recall everything my therapist tells me word for word. Sometimes my mind won’t retain anything she says as if it wants to block out what she says. It’s frustrating when it happens.


Could you take notes on stuff you want to remember?



IsabellaLinton
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11 May 2021, 1:15 am

Have you told her that you have difficulty remembering key ideas from your meetings?

I keep a Google document open during my psych appointments, with questions I want to ask. Then I add notes regarding her responses and any homework assignments for the next session. It's a good way to keep track of what we discuss. I have notes all the way back to our first meeting and I can see patterns that I'd otherwise miss.

Do you think that might work for you?



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11 May 2021, 4:48 am

Marknis wrote:
Admittedly, I don’t always recall everything my therapist tells me word for word. Sometimes my mind won’t retain anything she says as if it wants to block out what she says. It’s frustrating when it happens.


This is Catch-22 of depression. It makes you block out any useful advise that puts you in position of control and responsibility for you own happiness. You are doing the same to all the helpful feedback on this forum.

Some seemingly small and unrelated to your goal actions and decisions have a butterfly effect on our future.

If you really want a girlfriend, your first step is to overcome depression.

The first step of overcoming depression is consistently doing intense burpees every day.



funeralxempire
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11 May 2021, 9:42 am

badRobot wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Admittedly, I don’t always recall everything my therapist tells me word for word. Sometimes my mind won’t retain anything she says as if it wants to block out what she says. It’s frustrating when it happens.


This is Catch-22 of depression. It makes you block out any useful advise that puts you in position of control and responsibility for you own happiness. You are doing the same to all the helpful feedback on this forum.

Some seemingly small and unrelated to your goal actions and decisions have a butterfly effect on our future.

If you really want a girlfriend, your first step is to overcome depression.

The first step of overcoming depression is consistently doing intense burpees every day.


Why burpees?


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badRobot
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11 May 2021, 10:08 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Why burpees?

Burpee is a complex exercise that covers whole body on many levels. It improves cardiovascular system, blood pressure regulation in a way no other exercise does. If I had to pick one exercise having the most benefits for health in general and specifically for mental health, I would pick burpees.



Summer_Twilight
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11 May 2021, 11:59 am

First of all, I am not happy with the way your therapist told you to stop trying to find a girlfriend and also telling you that you will never find something. Again, that's unrealistic, harsh and arrogant. If anything, they should have said things in a gentle way. I do agree though that finding a place to volunteer is a great way to build up work skills and even get your foot in the door. That being said, it's my understanding that you meet someone when you get focused on other things and get involved in things that interest you.

Now regarding your ex-girlfriend telling you she didn't like you, there is nothing wrong with you, that's on her. Also, that means she was not for you in the first place. It also means that you are not a good fit for each other.



Joe90
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11 May 2021, 6:46 pm

Burpees - stupid word for a type of exercise. It sounds like something related to burping.


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funeralxempire
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11 May 2021, 11:01 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Burpees - stupid word for a type of exercise. It sounds like something related to burping.


It's a guy's last name. It was used as a test of fitness and named after the inventor.


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Marknis
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12 May 2021, 12:16 am

From what I’ve observed, people on the spectrum tend to find success in joining alternative and counter culture communities when they don’t fit in with mainstream NT society.

I’ve always been an outsider in the culture I live in. I just can’t get excited about sports, especially football and basketball, and I hate how the private school I was made to go to had the class I was a part of attend pep rallies even though I had no intention of going to any of the sports games and I only cheered because everyone else was doing it so I felt like I had to do so even though my heart was not in it. I was made to go to church but never did I once feel like going gave me a purpose or that God even cared for me. I was also bullied by other kids at church. There are countless churches in my city and even those who drink, smoke, and have pre-marital sex go to them because they like using the “God forgives all sins unless you are gay or non-Christian.” excuse to justify their actions as well as the fact they also serve as meeting places for those who vote for the GOP. I find these places sickening and hypocritical. Country music as well as pop, rap, and, to a lesser extent, mainstream rock is listened to the most among people here. I find it all mind numbing and boring.

I’ve made attempts to find my niche and to be a part of something but my attempts always end up being disappointing. Either things start off promising but then they fizzle out or I hit instant dead ends. The most prominent example has to be when I used to attend a Meet Up group called The Collective and it was advertised as a group for fans of science fiction as well as gaming. I actually managed to have regular conversations and join in on some of the games for the first few years I was a part of it but it was only intermittently. Other times, I was pushed to the wayside because I didn’t drink, smoke, or have sexual tales to boast about so I was often sitting on the sidelines alone and wondering what to do. I finally stopped going after a long string of getting pushed into the background, rejection by people who I thought I could’ve been friends with, and the group leader’s girlfriend chewing me out for something completely trivial.

I don’t belong anywhere and I don’t even know what I am supposed to be.



Mona Pereth
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12 May 2021, 3:27 am

Marknis wrote:
I’ve made attempts to find my niche and to be a part of something but my attempts always end up being disappointing. Either things start off promising but then they fizzle out or I hit instant dead ends. The most prominent example has to be when I used to attend a Meet Up group called The Collective and it was advertised as a group for fans of science fiction as well as gaming. I actually managed to have regular conversations and join in on some of the games for the first few years I was a part of it but it was only intermittently. Other times, I was pushed to the wayside because I didn’t drink, smoke, or have sexual tales to boast about so I was often sitting on the sidelines alone and wondering what to do. I finally stopped going after a long string of getting pushed into the background, rejection by people who I thought I could’ve been friends with, and the group leader’s girlfriend chewing me out for something completely trivial.

As I've suggested before:

1) Perhaps you should start your own group, devoted to some hobby or another, called "Sober ______s" (filling in the blank with whatever people with the relevant hobby are called).

2) Building the group will be easier if you also create a resource website for people with the relevant hobby.

If you choose to do either or both of the above, feel free to ask me for specific advice.


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12 May 2021, 3:37 am

I'm a black sheep even as hackers go. It is what it is.


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12 May 2021, 4:50 am

I used to carry same beliefs. Turning point, revelation for me was the first scene of "The Social Network". It made me think.

Quote:
Look you are probably going to be a very successful computer person. And you are going to go through life thinking girls don't like you cause, you're a nerd. And want you to know from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true. It'll be because, you're an as*hole.


I realized I was in fact kind of an as*hole, but didn't realize that, In any community I didn't have any genuine interest in others, didn't put any effort into building relationships, didn't consider what others like and want, why did they join this community. I often focused all my attention on only few people I found interesting, and didn't notice I was the one who ignored all the others, don't even remember their names, make them feel excluded.

I realized narrow interests are not as important as feeling comfortable around people in the community. Some groups just not worth the effort of trying become part of, even when interests are shared. Some groups are friendly, some are toxic.



SportsGamer35728
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12 May 2021, 6:46 am

I feel your pain Mark!! I've always felt like I'm stuck in a weird limbo where I'm too in touch with the mainstream to be accepted by the outcasts but too quirky to be fully accepted by the "in-crowd" :P



cberg
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12 May 2021, 9:15 am

badRobot wrote:
I used to carry same beliefs. Turning point, revelation for me was the first scene of "The Social Network". It made me think.

Quote:
Look you are probably going to be a very successful computer person. And you are going to go through life thinking girls don't like you cause, you're a nerd. And want you to know from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true. It'll be because, you're an as*hole.


I realized I was in fact kind of an as*hole, but didn't realize that, In any community I didn't have any genuine interest in others, didn't put any effort into building relationships, didn't consider what others like and want, why did they join this community. I often focused all my attention on only few people I found interesting, and didn't notice I was the one who ignored all the others, don't even remember their names, make them feel excluded.

I realized narrow interests are not as important as feeling comfortable around people in the community. Some groups just not worth the effort of trying become part of, even when interests are shared. Some groups are friendly, some are toxic.


:roll: Right, because of course blame the "computer people" in a mainstream Netflix documentary written for viewers who all use Facebook; what could a raging sociopath with orange hair possibly have to do with it?


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"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen: