My final decision

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One thing I'm going to say - in particular about the $170K debt, I really feel like the boomer generation had a lot to do with selling their children into indentured servitude. It's dead wrong. What it means if you can't expunge student loan debt - at all - is that the universities can keep raising price, lowering quality, and they have guaranteed income. I really think if you're over a given GPA, have applied all over the place, can't get a job that would repay those fees, and aren't stuck in that situation from a felony during school, that absolution should be seriously considered. A lot of people have considered that this is killing our would-be entrepreneurs, even helping to kill our birth rate, and forcing a lot of professionals to live at home into their 40's unmarried.

For things not getting better - this kind of game is dehumanizing our culture and making it increasingly psychopathic. This is the hardest part to change and TBH I don't know if there's ever a quick way, but if you were raised with the mantra 'I'm on the spectrum - it's my fault' repeating over in your head from childhood (whether from misguided adults and/or worse - mental health professionals) there's a certain point where you have to see things as being as twisted and just outright wrong as they are. The hardest thing to say sometimes is 'It's not my fault', even when that's very much the case. Male suicides IMHO are higher because we're told it's all on us, I get the impression that suicides among women would go up as well if they're saddled with absolute accountability for things beyond their control. It's one thing to realize intellectually that the situation is a farce, far harder to actually drill it down to the layers where protective pessimism and various kinds of emotional stabilizing, reactions to predicted reactions, etc. are taking place. I still have no idea if I've even achieved that yet but - the longer I sit with the realization of just how perverse people and society are the more I feel like there's daylight creeping in between my environment and my need to brutalize myself for anything that I perceive to be going wrong.

You would be missed here !

Do they require a license to ride?

Depends on the state your in , generally if the engine is below a certain displacement . Then no license is required .

He's an atheist.

"Religious participation is linked to lower suicide rates in many parts of the world, including the United States and Russia, but does not protect against the risk of suicide in sections of Europe and Asia, finds new research by a Michigan State University scholar." Most religions have a fundamental belief that all human life belongs to God.

After tragedy, non believers find other ways to cope
https://www.npr.org/2013/01/16/168563480/after-tragedy-nonbelievers-find-other-ways-to-cope

"One theme is clear, Cacciatore says: Religious leaders are really bad at comforting people in grief. She surveyed more than 550 families, asking whom they found the most helpful during those first terrible days: first responders, doctors and nurses, social workers, psychologists, funeral directors or spiritual leaders.

"And of all of those, the spiritual leaders actually came in last," she says." Perhaps mentioning God all the time is inherently wrong to begin with. People need more understanding, just more human to human sympathy/empathy. Priests have a hard time pushing the cloak away and just being human, forgetting who they are and what they represent for the sake of someone. There are way too many rules, getting lost in speech that really means nothing, really doesnt show emotion. The human emotion that we need more than God. When a brother starts to understand how to be a brother, then it will save others.

No one needs to believe in any sort of God to practice spirituality. It certainly isn't needed to be mindful and find a peaceful place beyond the difficult thoughts. I agree that understanding and empathy are vital but it sounded like maybe the OP was beyond that and needed something practical that could help. This was my offering, to take or leave.

Spirituality for many of us is practically emotion and connection to people. This area is deeper than the others. I don't think mindfulness has any spiritual effect to it, it's functional, from body functions, and relaxing, maybe love and acceptance for oneself, but thats rare in mindfulness exercises, you're practically letting go of emotion and judgement to let go of feeling emotion and have peacefulness. Although, if feeling is involved, at some point you have to allow yourself to fully be feeling the feeling, in order for it to pass, like a cloud.

And that's practically true for religious people, too, they need emotional connection and care above other things.

Yikes!

You've said that you do have friends. Can any of your friends help you in any way?

Also: Can you ride a bicycle? If so, would a bicycle be an adequate substitute for a car?

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 25 Apr 2022, 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The kind of practical help he needs right now is for someone to raise money to get his car fixed ASAP. (Or perhaps get him a used scooter? Or maybe just a bicycle, if he's capable of riding one?)

Can we do that?

(If not, one of the big weaknesses of today's autistic community has been exposed. We need mutual aid groups!)

Perhaps allow me to throw my two cents in... it's one hour into Easter morning, and I hope this message can raise up your spirits... hear me out:

I can't relate to your struggles personally, but I've been reading a book called Life is Messy by Matthew Kelly. He faced betrayal and darkness and emptiness for three years of his life, but yet he always kept at it, and

I don't know for sure, but is it possible the reason that "nothing is better" is that you've been trying the same things for 13 years? It's possible you need something new in your life. What sorts of things (if you can remember) bring you joy? You might have to experiment a bit... but there's something for everyone.



There's got to be something you can do to make your life worthwhile that doesn't cost any money. In fact, looking at your other posts, I think I may have discovered just the thing...



When I read this, I thought: Finally! Someone else who notices!

I can't claim it's been nearly as bad as you've experienced (I've never been homeless, for instance), but seeing how both sides of US politics have fallen into groupthink has taken a toll on my own mental health. For me, I've been writing stories, trying to share them with people to start conversations... but I never get to have those conversations. Still, I think your life matters because you seem to have something very few in our world have, and that is truth. Truth is infinitely valuable. You should protect it. Whatever your unique talents are, find a way to use them to spread truth, even if it's not what you might initially expect. It's possible you're not a writer (I don't really feel like a writer myself, so my stories are slow to come out)... maybe you have a musical talent. Maybe you're good at talking rationally; perhaps consider doing https://braverangels.org/ discussions (they're mostly aimed at solid partisans, but bringing some ideological diversity into the mix is always appreciated!) Whatever it is, I can tell you need to take a new direction in your life.

Please read this story of mine, and let me know what you think about it: https://medium.com/@thelast19digitsofpi ... 01a268f655
I deliberately . It's only gotten 19 views in three and a half months, which is disappointing, but I'm still persevering (while also trying to discover whether or not writing stories is really my path).

Also, I want you to know, based on my own experience, that you WILL NOT single-handedly save the world. I used to think that, and it failed me miserably. Fortunately, by the grace of God I was converted from my error quickly so I can focus on... well, I'm still not sure just yet. My advice is: start small, and see if somehow you can change just one person's life. (Perhaps you've already altered the course of my life.) If that doesn't feel like enough, go for two. Or four, eight, 16, 32, 64, 128, ... You have unique talents. I don't know what they are, but you have them. Use them for as much good as you can reasonably accomplish: no more, and no less.

And as for being alone... it's hard to tell, so forgive me for asking but I'm genuinely curious: do you really truly want a romantic partner, or is that just pressure coming from the outside, with you wanting to be like other people? It's possible part of your depression may be caused by looking for happiness in the wrong places. I remember feeling depressed around this time last year because I was looking too hard for friendships with people that I now realize were never really compatible with me. You're obviously not me, but it's worth considering if you haven't already.

(As for your debt... it sounds like that's actually the least of your worries. What you need is a fulfilling life where you can flourish. Seek that first, and you'll find the debt getting easier, no doubt.)

A final thought from Life is Messy:

BTW, Bicycle riding would shed the weight in no time, believe me.

I know. But I can't ride to the next town on a bicycle. It might work for just getting to and from my current TA job. But I need a secondary job, which means that I first need to get to a lor of places for applications and interviews. And who knows where I'll get hired or how far that will be from my home. And I can't stay a TA forever. Next years I'll need to find a full-time teaching position. See the previous sentence.

I know you have a lousy relationship with your parents, but is there ANY chance that they (or any other family members) can help you now?

If not:

All I can suggest is:

Get the bicycle for now. Supplement your income as a TA with tutoring in your local neighborhood. Put up ads in any local places that allow this, e.g. perhaps laundromats? Perhaps the school you work at can help you find additional work as a tutor? Hopefully you can earn enough money as a tutor to be able to afford a cheap motor scooter, or something else that's cheaper than a car but will transport you further than a bicycle.

In the meantime, seize the opportunity to get yourself in good physical shape by riding a bicycle.

So I just spent 900 USD on fixing my car today. And I already have another service engine light and it's constantly shaky.

I can't win.

What was the problem that cost $900?

Did the fix come with a warranty?