Hi Sarahsmith.
A few things about going the shamanic medicine route.
These medicines cannot change what you are. The physical hardware you have is what you've got. They can, however, change how you think and feel about what you've got. And that is a huge deal. In fact for many of us I think it's a bigger deal than the physical hardware part.
Healing of any sort comes from within, rather than from some shaman character. There are many very skilled shamans who can help you with finding that healing. There are also a lot of less helpful to downright hurtful "shamans". One needs to choose wisely.
Healing coming from within means having to take responsibility for your process. One of the issues with going to a shaman is the tendancy to pass responsibility onto them. Ego tends to like doing that.
You sound like you are going through a lot at the moment. Typically healing through psychedelics involves an initial dive into the painful stuff of reality. The dark unpleasantness of how we feel about ourselves. This can be difficult and is what is colloquially called a "bad trip". Really there is no such thing as bad, only difficult. It is by having the courage to stay with the difficulty that one can get through to the other side where possibility opens up. That requires support. Support both during the experience and often afterwards as well.
There are no shortcuts. Whatever the emotional difficulty, one needs to look at it first before it is possible to get beyond it. Otherwise it's just papering over the cracks.
It is a fact of being human that all of the information about how you relate to yourself is somewhere within you. As they say "you already have everything you need". Trusting this is true is very helpful. You have it all already. You just need to be able to look at it from a slightly different angle. A change of perspective can be very powerful.
Best of luck on your journey! If you ever need to chat about these issues, feel free to PM me.
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Ever onwards and upwards!