Dumped by a friend. Again.

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Misslizard
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09 Aug 2022, 3:01 pm

KitLily wrote:
klanka wrote:
I've had the stare a few times, it was after I got carried away talking about something usually and started raising my voice or went into too much detail. :lol:

So you're not alone there :D


Thanks, that is really helpful! Maybe that's the reason I get The Stare too.

But are we to censor ourselves because of this? We should be allowed to be ourselves shouldn't we? It's not fair is it.

I've been wondering if I just hang around the wrong people. Maybe I need to find more dramatic, creative, actorish types of people. They get carried away and raise their voices a lot.

Maybe take some art classes?Artists groups tend to be open to eccentricity.


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KitLily
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09 Aug 2022, 4:12 pm

klanka wrote:
usually i can pinpoint exactly what i said or the raised voice :D

if i were in your position i'd be like 'what? what is it? did i do something strange?' to the person


I could do that I suppose? Trouble is I'd be saying that all the time and I'd appear even more weird. It's sooooo confusing.


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KitLily
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09 Aug 2022, 4:13 pm

Misslizard wrote:
KitLily wrote:
klanka wrote:
I've had the stare a few times, it was after I got carried away talking about something usually and started raising my voice or went into too much detail. :lol:

So you're not alone there :D


Thanks, that is really helpful! Maybe that's the reason I get The Stare too.

But are we to censor ourselves because of this? We should be allowed to be ourselves shouldn't we? It's not fair is it.

I've been wondering if I just hang around the wrong people. Maybe I need to find more dramatic, creative, actorish types of people. They get carried away and raise their voices a lot.

Maybe take some art classes?Artists groups tend to be open to eccentricity.


That's a very good idea indeed! I never thought I was eccentric but maybe I am... :?


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CockneyRebel
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10 Aug 2022, 9:13 am

Sweet Pea hugs


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KitLily
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10 Aug 2022, 9:13 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
Sweet Pea hugs


How nice! Thanks :)


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Summer_Twilight
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10 Aug 2022, 1:05 pm

KitLily wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi Kitlily, I read about your situation and I have to tell you that I cried and sometimes it's ok not to be ok because you're hurt that this person can't seem to make time for you. However, there is nothing wrong with you, rather, there's something wrong with the people who rejected you. :(

Still, it sounds like she probably does like you but probably has a busy schedule if she is popular and it a social butterfly while juggling with family as well. She may not even realize how she is making you feel.
Believe me, I had a flaky friend who did things with me as long as she was single but when she was in a relationship, everything and everyone else was way more important. She also made and broke several promises to me and it really bothered me.

I think it's okay to let her know how you are feeling but make sure you use "I" statements with her.

"I am really disappointed because I was looking forward to meeting you for coffee. However, I feel like you have canceled on me twice." You could also ask her "I really feel like I am the one who is always reaching out but you never seem to make any effort to reach out to me."


Hi Summer Twilight. Sorry I made you cry, I just needed to rant about this situation. Hope you are okay. :flower:

I am so, so used to being rejected by people that I expect it now. I suppose I'm finally learning to keep away from rejecting people and find ones who welcome me.

For example, a certain fanfic website where I've tried to make friends but just been overlooked and ignored. I have finally learned to keep away from those people. I feel welcome on Twitter and here on WP so now I spend more time here.

Thanks for your advice about how to speak to her about how I'm feeling :heart:


It breaks my heart that she hurt you like that and didn't think twice about what she did. Also, based on your other posts about her, that sounds like a one-sided friendship where she's been using you as her therapist. It's also sounds like everything is all about her as well.

I cut off a friendship with someone like that at the top of the year because he kept dumping on me about how he was always getting rejected. Everything was always all about him as well. Additionally, he's really popular as well because he always had pictures of himself with all these friends next to having a huge number of people come to his 30th birthday party. Yet, he never invited me to a majority of those events, other than his birthday party and video game nights. He also bailed on my new years party last year because he already had plans to go somewhere else so I cut him off. To tell you the truth, he's kind of a spoiled brat.



KitLily
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10 Aug 2022, 1:20 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
It breaks my heart that she hurt you like that and didn't think twice about what she did. Also, based on your other posts about her, that sounds like a one-sided friendship where she's been using you as her therapist. It's also sounds like everything is all about her as well.

I cut off a friendship with someone like that at the top of the year because he kept dumping on me about how he was always getting rejected. Everything was always all about him as well. Additionally, he's really popular as well because he always had pictures of himself with all these friends next to having a huge number of people come to his 30th birthday party. Yet, he never invited me to a majority of those events, other than his birthday party and video game nights. He also bailed on my new years party last year because he already had plans to go somewhere else so I cut him off. To tell you the truth, he's kind of a spoiled brat.


I think it is a bit one sided, although we have both been each other's therapist when it comes to our cruel mothers. I think now her mother has died and mine has moved away, that thing we had in common is over.

I've been in these relationships before where I'm the therapist, but I'm slowly learning to avoid them. This one is far better than previous 'therapy clients' I've had. lol.

That friend of yours sounds similar to mine tbh. She did invite me to her birthday party last year but I was too nervous to go. I think she was looking for a party friend and that's so not me! :lol:

I think this ending was kind of inevitable wasn't it...


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Summer_Twilight
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10 Aug 2022, 2:02 pm

It sounds like you two are just not a good fit for each other as I think that's part of the issues. However, I think it's okay to find another friend who you share common interests as well as the fact that you both had abusive parents. Have you considered joining a book club?

Still, I do think it's ok for you to be assertive with her and let her know how you feel

Here are some other things you could do

"I really feel like you take our friendship for granted,"

"I really feel like all you do is talk about yourself and your other friends but never ask me about my other friends and I don't like it."

"I really feel like you have time for your other friends but never seem to make time for me and it really hurts my feelings."



KitLily
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10 Aug 2022, 3:52 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
It sounds like you two are just not a good fit for each other as I think that's part of the issues. However, I think it's okay to find another friend who you share common interests as well as the fact that you both had abusive parents. Have you considered joining a book club?

Still, I do think it's ok for you to be assertive with her and let her know how you feel

Here are some other things you could do

"I really feel like you take our friendship for granted,"

"I really feel like all you do is talk about yourself and your other friends but never ask me about my other friends and I don't like it."

"I really feel like you have time for your other friends but never seem to make time for me and it really hurts my feelings."


That's the problem: round here there is little choice of friends and as I don't really go out anymore, I'm limited. I was very pleased when this friend actually paid attention to me and wanted to have coffee! It was astounding and she is a good listener.

I've tried nearly every group I can think of and I have just run out of options. I'm pretty much stranded until we move house in 2 years time. I'm pinning my hopes on getting a fresh start and moving on. I can't wait!


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Summer_Twilight
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11 Aug 2022, 12:09 pm

It sounds like you are burned out trying to meet people and connect with them. Also, her being a good listener is a nice quality. However, have you ever tried being friends with the woman in the mirror who you see everyday? Dr. Livingston did that and talked about it in a Tedtalk.

She said that she and the person in the mirror loved doing everything together which eventually led to her loving herself and attracting the right friends who appreciated her for who she was.



KitLily
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11 Aug 2022, 4:00 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
It sounds like you are burned out trying to meet people and connect with them. Also, her being a good listener is a nice quality. However, have you ever tried being friends with the woman in the mirror who you see everyday? Dr. Livingston did that and talked about it in a Tedtalk.

She said that she and the person in the mirror loved doing everything together which eventually led to her loving herself and attracting the right friends who appreciated her for who she was.


I think you are right. No I haven't tried that much :wink:

All this chat about my friendship situation is really helping me, thanks to you and the others :heart:


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KitLily
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30 Aug 2022, 10:10 am

Nothing's happened in this situation, I just wanted to say that I'm just waiting for The Angry Text from this friend to say, 'I didn't like what you said last month/year' or 'what you said last month/year was horrible' or a similar comment.

From previous experience, it will be at the end of September, as it seems to take people 3 months to get round to telling me this. Maybe that's how human brains work?

As usual I have no idea what the thing could be that I said, we haven't had any arguments or harsh words. Very strange. But I'm wise to this now, I don't just assume I know what she's talking about and start arguing with her. I'll say 'what was that, then?' and wait for the answer.

Either that or I'll just never hear from her again, even though she lives round the corner, and I'll never know what I 'did wrong.'


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