I’m tired and miserable

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Everything is worse since I got my first job back in November. I have to wake up at 6am because my commute takes 1h10m, then I get back home at 5:15pm and don’t have any energy left to play my sport or other hobbies. My knee has ached constantly for a week. I don’t have anybody to talk to who will properly listen to me, my parents don’t listen, my brother doesn’t listen. My friends have all gone away to live their own lives. I don’t socialise but even if I tried it would be so exhausting on top of already feeling tired. I’m taking my annual leave but I am not going anywhere because I forgot to plan, and even if I did remember it would have taken a lot of effort and I don’t find joy in holidays the way normal people do. Nothing to look forward to, nobody in my sport listens to any of my idea’s even though they’re well thought out ideas, including my parents. I don’t want this life, but I am stuck here and no energy or motivation to change things. I’m so sad and there’s no hope.

Have you considered that you might be clinically depressed?

Have you had any history of anything like that?

I have considered it before. Somewhere 5-10 years ago I went to see a doctor who said I am not depressed, that instead I am fed up. He would say depression would be not wanting to e.g. get out of bed the next day, but I do. I keep to myself most of the time at home, I have a diagnosed disease that makes me tired so I struggle to have any desire to do things and interact with other people. I am pessimistic but I can’t help it.

5-10 years is a while ago and a different doctor might have a different opinion.

It is worth asking for a second opinion, if you feel down most often, and that has lasted for weeks on end.

There is also mild depression - 'dysthymia' which isn't as severe as major depression. You should look that up.

It sounds like autistic burnout to me.
That's a very taxing schedule you keep with work.
I was the same the whole time when I worked.

Would it help to talk here?
You said no one listens to you, but we will.

Working is hard/harder for most autistic folk than for regular folk I think. To the OP - if work in general isn't suitable, you could always look into disability payment, if you are eligible, that is.

I work at home for two days a week so I am only going into the office 3 days per week. I still find it hard though. What is autistic burnout?

I used to get an allowance for being unfit for work, but I wasn’t happy then either I wanted to earn my own money. I enjoy what I do at work so it’s not all bad, but right now I feel less happy than I was than when not at work.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autistic_burnout

It's when our nervous system just can't take any more overstimulation or lack of what is comforting.


https://stimpunks.org/burnout/

https://theestablishment.co/i-thought-i ... 8515175f3/

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/03/well ... dvice.html

I think a lot of people might measure how much financial gain they will get by working versus non-working if they have the option of either (and with the option of non-working being paid).

Did you say your new job is full time? Whilst it might be exhausting, at least it would pay a fair bit better than even the best disability out-of-work benefit.

If you can't manage full-time work and your only option is part-time, then financially it might make sense to just get disability payments....

You did imply you were happier when not at work.

I think a person can still enjoy their job or want their job despite being in burnout.
Our nervous system has a mind of its own about whether it can cope.

I don't know for sure if you have burnout but it's possible.

Do you feel like your sensory system is going haywire?
(Too much noise, light, etc. even when you're home?)

I don’t think I have sensory overload. Usually I get stressed when someone has said something insensitive towards me, but that hasn’t happened recently.

I am unhappy in either situation. My brother told me I would be happier when I got into work, with some help it took a year and a half to get into the job I have now. My parents are getting older and I need more money to be independent, the disability payment wan’t going to be enough to live off for the rest of my life.

I'm not sure that still being able to force yourself to do things you no longer have the ambition to do is a sign that one isn't suffering depression, especially if other core symptoms are present.

I'd suggest seeking a second opinion from someone who specializes in mental health.

Maybe I should get a second opinion, I’d have to figure out how to attend an appointment while also meeting my contracted hours. I can’t remember if the doctor was a specialist, what I do remember is the way he spoke to me was unique, like he understood me. Still, time has passed things may have changed.