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GrayscaleRainbow
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Joined: 16 Jul 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 18
Location: Syracuse NY

14 Jun 2024, 6:11 am

The other day, my younger sister found a fledgling that fell from the nest on the way home from work. Two had fallen from a destroyed nest on top of a lamp post, the other died on impact. The survivor was barely moving, and we put it in a small box lined with cotton and straw, on top of a heating pad. My mother and I took turns warming him up with our hands, until he was able to squeak and move around. We estimated that he couldn't have been more than 3 days old, and named him Nugget.

For over 12 hours, we cared for him, unable to get to the vet since we didn't have a car. Eventually, we managed to get him to eat a little food, and he seemed to be recovering. At 5:40am, he suffered a stroke and died in my father's hands.

I've never seen death before, though it has happened to me. I don't fear death, it's natural and something all life faces, so why be scared? I don't believe in an afterlife, so life will simply cease upon death. Several pets and grandparents have passed away, but I was always away at college or living on my own. This is the first time I've witnessed it.

Can't stop crying. Cried my eyes out when it happened, and every time I see his grave I start bawling again. This is something I didn't even know that long, something I had no connection with, which would have simply died in nature had we not found him. Why do I grieve so much for Nugget? I buried him with my own hands, and even made a grave marker. I feel like such a fool and a hypocrite.



DuckHairback
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Joined: 27 Jan 2021
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14 Jun 2024, 6:31 am

But you did have a connection with it. You invested your time and energy into saving it. You gave it a name.

Understanding, intellectually, that life is naturally limited and death is universal doesn't make it any easier to bear emotionally, when we witness it. Knowing that whatever it is that animates a body has gone and the body is just a collection of cells that will soon decompose doesn't make it feel any less wrong to put that body into the cold ground and cover it over. The impulse to mark a grave is something humans have felt for ever.

You tried to do a good thing. Nature had other ideas. Nothing foolish or hypocritical about it that I can see.

Feel sad, cry. It's not wrong. You did your best.


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GrayscaleRainbow
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Joined: 16 Jul 2013
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Location: Syracuse NY

14 Jun 2024, 7:02 am

Thank you for the response. Just gotta get used to it one day at a time.



MoeTrashPanda
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Joined: 7 May 2024
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14 Jun 2024, 8:17 am

Oh goodness, sweet Grayscale... ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ I am so sorry to hear that. That would absolutely break my heart to experience, and I can guarantee I would have the exact same reactions as you. You are absolutely not a fool or a hypocrite. Being able to grieve for, and hold so much emotion and empathy for a creature is a beautiful trait to have. It is proof that you are a caring, loving, sensitive, and perceptive individual.

You did your very best for dear little Nugget, but unfortunately, it is notoriously really difficult to keep baby birds alive when they are separated from their mamas. It's okay to cry whenever you see his grave, and it's okay to cry your eyes out, bawl, and grieve for the loss of a precious life. You did have a connection, and it sounds like you had a lot of hope that he would get better.

I am tearing up just thinking of you and little Nugget. Hang in there Grayscale... Don't lose your compassion for life and the small inhabitants of earth. ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ We need more people like you in the world. Be easy on yourself, and give yourself grace. You are allowed to feel your emotions, no matter how mundane or trivial they may seem to your logical brain :heart:


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