Transphobic comment by someone I trusted.

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CockneyRebel
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02 Jul 2025, 9:49 am

I've been going to a knitting group at the library. The women in that group are real ladies who are proud to be women. They talk about me as though I'm not in the room and keep referring to me as "She" I corrected the woman in the group who I trusted the most by saying, "He". That woman said, "I don't believe in that. I believe in what the Bible says. There's Male and Female, God doesn't make mistakes, we're all perfectly made, we're all wonderful people and God don't make junk." I was so upset that I left the room and I don't think I'm going back to that group.

That woman lives in my building. Should I wait for an apology or stop holding my breath waiting for an apology? Am I doing the right thing by leaving the group? What should I say if she asks me if I'm coming back?


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blitzkrieg
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02 Jul 2025, 10:06 am

Based on what the woman said, it sounds like she already has made her mind up about what she thinks about gender. I doubt that you would be able to change her mind.

It is likely better and easier just to move on from this, as hurt as you may feel.



blitzkrieg
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02 Jul 2025, 10:07 am

I don't think she is going to apologize and I would tell her that you are not coming back to the group because of her views on gender that upset you.



CockneyRebel
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02 Jul 2025, 10:08 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
Based on what the woman said, it sounds like she already has made her mind up about what she thinks about gender. I doubt that you would be able to change her mind.

It is likely better and easier just to move on from this, as hurt as you may feel.


That's very good advice.


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CockneyRebel
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02 Jul 2025, 10:08 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
I don't think she is going to apologize and I would tell her that you are not coming back to the group because of her views on gender that upset you.


That's also good advice


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blitzkrieg
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02 Jul 2025, 10:10 am

No worries CR.

Sorry to hear about your hurt feelings.

I hope you feel better, soon.



babybird
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02 Jul 2025, 10:11 am

Yeah I'm sorry this has happened man

You'll always be our good old CockneyRebel to us


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lostonearth35
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02 Jul 2025, 2:11 pm

If God doesn't make mistakes, then why are some people born with too many fingers or toes? Maybe some people are born the wrong gender as well. But don't bring anything scientific into a debate with someone who is convinced God creates everyone to be perfectly made. Which is a laugh because humans in general are an incredibly flawed species. There are reptiles that have existed for millions of years, since the dinosaurs, and haven't done anything wrong to the planet. But humans have barely existed for two or three million years and look at what a dumpster fire we've become. Makes you wonder if the reptiles are the ones who are really cold-blooded.



funeralxempire
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02 Jul 2025, 2:29 pm

If God doesn't make mistakes, that means every child who's born with painful birth defects only to die not long after was an intentional and malicious act.

Which is totally in-character for an evil demon, which is how many ancient societies viewed YHWH.

Of course, that only matters if one believes YHWH is real, which makes as much sense as believing the Easter Bunny is real.

I agree with Blitz that you're unlikely to change her mind, no matter how ignorant her beliefs are.

You could leave, but you could also continue to attend and just correct her when she misgenders you. Don't let it upset you, like water off a duck's back. Let her be the upset one.

When she tells you her perspective on your gender, just tell her you're sorry she's been mislead and that you hope she becomes less ignorant with time. Don't debate it with her, don't get drawn into an extended argument and don't let it get under your skin. You're right, she's wrong and there's little to be gained from arguing with idiots.


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CockneyRebel
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02 Jul 2025, 2:41 pm

Thank you for all of your replies. I've enjoyed reading them and thank you for the advice as well.


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CockneyRebel
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03 Jul 2025, 6:05 am

I don't feel that I can be in the same room with her right now let along talk to her. I also think avoiding conflict is the best way to go. I'm better off just going my own way. They say that time heals.


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enz
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03 Jul 2025, 4:56 pm

don't go back, screw them

unless your friend goes out of her way to apologize



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03 Jul 2025, 5:54 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I don't feel that I can be in the same room with her right now let along talk to her. I also think avoiding conflict is the best way to go. I'm better off just going my own way. They say that time heals.


Sorry Cockney rebel,that this happened....your choice of action seems best .. :D


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MatchboxVagabond
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03 Jul 2025, 7:03 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
If God doesn't make mistakes, that means every child who's born with painful birth defects only to die not long after was an intentional and malicious act.

Which is totally in-character for an evil demon, which is how many ancient societies viewed YHWH.

Of course, that only matters if one believes YHWH is real, which makes as much sense as believing the Easter Bunny is real.

I agree with Blitz that you're unlikely to change her mind, no matter how ignorant her beliefs are.

You could leave, but you could also continue to attend and just correct her when she misgenders you. Don't let it upset you, like water off a duck's back. Let her be the upset one.

When she tells you her perspective on your gender, just tell her you're sorry she's been mislead and that you hope she becomes less ignorant with time. Don't debate it with her, don't get drawn into an extended argument and don't let it get under your skin. You're right, she's wrong and there's little to be gained from arguing with idiots.

People that take that view tend to be very good at ignoring situations that don't fit with that world view. I tend to just avoid those sorts just because they're not worth involving myself with.



funeralxempire
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03 Jul 2025, 7:15 pm

MatchboxVagabond wrote:
People that take that view tend to be very good at ignoring situations that don't fit with that world view. I tend to just avoid those sorts just because they're not worth involving myself with.


The thing is, he was going to take part in the knitting group, not to interact with that one crappy person. Withdrawal amounts to letting that nasty hag take the group away from him, but continuing to participate makes it clear that she can't bully him out of the group.

I agree, the hag isn't worth interacting with, but the if he enjoys the group it's probably still worth participating in the group.

If one flinches and cowers in the face of being bullied, the bully wins.


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CockneyRebel
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Yesterday, 9:15 am

The group isn't properly facilitated. A librarian just unlocks the door for the people to come in. When the people come in, it's a free for all and everyone just says whatever's on their mind. They talk politics and religion and it grates on my nerves. There's not a librarian in the room watching over to see that things run smoothly. It's just not the right type of environment for me.


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