Bullying

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I hate when people say that all bullies are insecure about themselves and that that's why they pick on me. While that may be true in some cases, it's not always, and often just feels like a platitude people use to make the victim feel better.

Some bullies have such a high ego and are so popular that they know they'll have nothing to lose if they picked on someone timid, simply because they're not nice people or they have a snobbish attitude. They know they're better than you, and they ain't afraid to show it and run you down even more.

It's easy for people to say that if I'm picked on in the street to just ignore them and know that they're losers with unhappy lives, etc. But with my past experiences with bullies, it's difficult for me to think that way. In my first year of high school I showed weakness in my body language; I often looked down at the ground and hunched my shoulders forward, giving off a really shy and unconfident impression. Other kids at the school whom I didn't know, would pick up on it and pick on me by humiliating me. Other times kids would just point and laugh at me if I was in an awkward situation, like one time when I was walking home from school across a field and was (harmlessly) attacked by dogs. I had a fear of dogs back then so that's why they came after me and I remember standing there frightened while they ran rings around me and ignoring their owner who was yelling at them. And kids walking past just pointed and laughed at me, as I probably did look pathetic. (I'm so glad we didn't have camera phones back then otherwise I probably would have become a YouTube sensation entitled "pathetic weak dumb blonde" or something.

So we all know that some kids, and even some adults, do like to pick on the weakest kid and that's why they often targeted me. So now, after years of experience and maturing and knowing how to hold myself and looking as normal as I can, I really don't expect to be targeted and mocked in public, as I'm no longer that weak pathetic little 11-year-old who was scared of everything. So if I am being targeted by random strangers in the street it feels personal, like it was back at school, and it makes me become paranoid that I still look as inadequate and pathetic as I did 20+ years ago.
I like to know that I've come a long way since then, so I demand respect.

So all these platitudes about bullies don't have much relevance to my feelings, as my self-esteem is low and my past experiences still stick in my mind.

Sorry you went through all that mate

I think people just don't know what to say sometimes

If you truly have learned to carry yourself in recent years, then I don't think you have anything to worry about. Adults are a lot less likely to get picked on by other adults than kids are by other kids, especially people who you don't know well?

I mean, playground antics are normally initiated by children, at least the sort of obvious situation of pointing and laughing or physically intimidating people.

When you say you're targeted by strangers on the street, I would suggest you take inventory of why you feel this is happening. What is the setting when this happens, for instance are these strangers intoxicated, such as leaving a bar/pub and start saying things with lowered inhibitions?

Is there something on your end that catches people's attention, a certain behavior, such as a stim, or tic in public? Unusual body posture, like you mentioned you used to do in school? What do these strangers say? What is your response to them?

Could it be possible you're projecting onto other people? The smallest look, or tone of voice by others could be interpreted as bad intentions?

I'd be happy to know more about the situation, but I also respect your privacy. You don't need to answer these questions on here, I intended these sample questions to be asked by yourself.

It has got better in adulthood but I have had a few moments where I've been in public and people (usually teenagers or druggies) have taunted me, and it just reminded me too much of my high school days.

Another thing about bullying is the types of bullies who are abused in their homes. It's natural to feel sorry for them, but when they start picking on you or your kid, you become resentful of them. When I was in high school I was bullied by this girl who had a druggie mother. She sometimes came up from behind me, shouted in my ear, and then said "I bet you s**t your pants!" and all her friends laughed at me. I felt humiliated and couldn't really do a lot because I was the loner who had no friends while she had a whole crowd of friends to support her, albeit not being nice people. But at least they suited her. Nobody wanted to be my friend and I was already hurt from that, and the last thing I needed was an obnoxious disturbed kid like her laughing at me.

Mind you, some abused children don't turn out to be bullies.

Yeah I don't think school bullying is taken seriously enough

If that sort of thing happened in the workplace or in the street then it would be a different matter

But somehow there are different rules for this in school

Assault and harassment are called bullying in school, and all of a sudden you're supposed to just deal with it even though you're a child and you're not really equipped to deal with it

I'm so sorry this happened to you
I'm so sorry to anyone who this has happened to

I was a bully and I was also bullied so I've seen it from both sides

I'm trying my best these days though

Well it isn't often, in fact it's rare, but as a person with social anxiety I do tend to focus on those rare times. It's generally been teenagers or high/intoxicated adults who have taunted me, although in the past 10+ years teenagers do leave me alone, as hopefully I'm just an old woman to them now lol.


I don't stim in public (or at all really), and I don't have tics. I definitely do not have the same posture as I did as a kid, I know that for a fact. I learnt that years ago.
The last time I was taunted in the street was a couple of summers ago, when I was at work. I had to go to a different building to get some supplies, which involved walking in the street. I was in my work clothes. The other building was down an alleyway, and a group of druggies were coming along. I inwardly groaned because I just knew they weren't going to ignore me, and they didn't. As I was trying to tap in the door code they yelled out numbers mockingly to me then one of them called me a "stupid man", then I heard another one of them say "she ain't a man!" Ugh, I felt very self-consciousness after that because I worried I looked like a man. I don't think they were high yet, as at the other end of the alley was a place where druggies usually went to do the drugs, as it's out of the way of being seen. I felt upset after that, because it just brought me back to my school days where I was alone and a group of friends were laughing at me and taunting me. I just prefer to be ignored in public, not feel conspicuous.


I think paranoia can run away with me at times and I can feel easily intimidated, but it doesn't mean these situations didn't happen.

I've been bullied in the workplace, but he's gone now (hooray!) But for some reason I seem to focus more on how strangers perceive me than what people I know do, even though the bullying was still upsetting for me. But bullying from strangers makes me feel more self-conscious, where as bullying from people I know don't.

If you were a bully (which I find hard to believe) but you feel guilty for it and acknowledge it now, then it makes you a decent person. Some bullies are bullies all their lives and feel no remorse at all.

You're very kind

I'm glad these situations are rather rare, and it seems to be isolated to incredibly rude people. I'm not from the UK, so I don't know about the culture there, just a vague idea of Chavs / Neds, football hooligans, ect. My suggestion would be to follow your gut, if you see these kinds of people, try to avoid them. I would talk to someone in your local area too, if this happens again.

None of us can change what happened in the past, but we can influence our present, and future. I do hope you are left in peace.

Bullies probably do feel like s**t inside and so they should do...they're bullies