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Why do I struggle to take onboard other people's advice?

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chris1989
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01 Feb 2026, 12:57 pm

For example, when it comes to comparing myself to others and issues like this, I seem to struggle shift the mindset from the negative to the positive and turn envy into inspiration and acknowledge that things like being in relationships, marriage, kids etc do not equal guaranteed happiness. I feel bad because whenever I hear of someone getting married, having a baby and so on, it doesn't fill me internally with happiness for them instead it just aggravates the feelings of being left out or left behind even more and it doesn't motivate me to actively search on dating apps, friend apps etc. I therefore feel like I'm horrible person because I'm not showing much empathy for other people's achievements in their lives.



uncommondenominator
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03 Feb 2026, 12:53 am

Perhaps ponder this...

Do you feel left out specifically cos they got into a relationship, got married, had kids, etc - or do you feel left out cos they did something that seemed to make them happy?

Cos it doesn't seem like you're terribly interested in the activities themselves, but rather, the feelings of happiness you perceive in others. Like, you don't like bars and clubs, but you still feel "left out" when you see others doing it - and having fun. Whether it's going to clubs or on holiday to exotic places, you tend to be less focused on where they are, and more on the fact that they seem to be happy / having fun.

What do you do all day? Does any of it make you happy?

You likely don't need to go to bars or clubs or vacation in fiji - just do something that makes you happy - but not by copying others and expecting it to lead to happiness. Find what makes you happy, and do that.



chris1989
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04 Feb 2026, 2:39 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
Perhaps ponder this...

Do you feel left out specifically cos they got into a relationship, got married, had kids, etc - or do you feel left out cos they did something that seemed to make them happy?

Cos it doesn't seem like you're terribly interested in the activities themselves, but rather, the feelings of happiness you perceive in others. Like, you don't like bars and clubs, but you still feel "left out" when you see others doing it - and having fun. Whether it's going to clubs or on holiday to exotic places, you tend to be less focused on where they are, and more on the fact that they seem to be happy / having fun.

What do you do all day? Does any of it make you happy?

You likely don't need to go to bars or clubs or vacation in fiji - just do something that makes you happy - but not by copying others and expecting it to lead to happiness. Find what makes you happy, and do that.


I get the feelings of being left out because I seem to feel as though it's some how a "requirement" when you are an early young adult to go out to the bars, clubs and stuff on weekends because I hear from how older people did that stuff as well as though it's "what you did at that age" and that if you hadn't had much experience of that it's as though you haven't "lived". I just miss the socialisation and stuff not the music in those places. In my own time off work I enjoy reading and writing. I will sometimes go out somewhere where there are nice bookshops and places.



uncommondenominator
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04 Feb 2026, 5:11 pm

chris1989 wrote:
I get the feelings of being left out because I seem to feel as though it's some how a "requirement" when you are an early young adult to go out to the bars, clubs and stuff on weekends because I hear from how older people did that stuff as well as though it's "what you did at that age" and that if you hadn't had much experience of that it's as though you haven't "lived". I just miss the socialisation and stuff not the music in those places. In my own time off work I enjoy reading and writing. I will sometimes go out somewhere where there are nice bookshops and places.


I am unaware of any "Official Handbook for Living Life" that has any such "requirements".

Some people never go to bars and clubs. Some people go to bars and clubs well into their 60s or 70s.

If all you miss is socialization, then you can go literally anywhere where there's people. People exist in more places than just bars and clubs. People socialize in more places than just bars and clubs. Even young people. Book shops are one such place. Book shops are not the only literary venue, either. Book clubs, poetry readings, writing workshops - no loud music or liquor required. Looks like you've got a few book cafe's near Kent as well - coffee and tea shops geared specifically towards readers and literary types.