Losing faith in 'medical professionals'...

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I try to not be pessimistic when I have to deal with most medical professionals. It is easy for me to go into the situation assuming the worst, as my history with these people has been less than desirable. When I do manage to be optimistic, I end up being angry with myself for allowing 'hope' to enter my mind. I was optimistic yesterday. I should not have been.

Recently I went to see a head doc. I spoke, she did not listen. I told her what I could not take, due to negative side effects. She started listing off medications (that I told her I could not take) for me to try. When people do not listen to me, I stop talking. After five minutes with this woman I stopped talking. She gave me a SSNRI to take.

Note to self... SSNRI = all of the same negative side effects of SSRI's + the feeling of millions of bugs crawling all over me. Fun. Fun. Yay.

The people at the office told me to immediately stop taking the pills, when I called them... that if the symptoms were to get worse, I was to go to the emergency room. I did not need to do this. I was also told to come back to see the doc. I did that yesterday evening.

Before going, I wrote out my symptoms... the issues I am having that I would like medication for. I have sensory problems... These things make basic tasks like going to the grocery store, hell for me. I know some of you can understand this. I wrote out what I cannot take. I wrote out what I can take. I gave these things, along with a day by day account of what the pills she put me on did to me. I got to her office and handed her the papers.

She looked at them, asked what they were, interrupted me when I started to tell her what they were to say to me "Why don't you just tell me what is wrong?" "Because I communicate poorly" was not the answer she was looking for. She again, started listing off pills I should take (that I can not take) assuring me that they are "good pills". I managed to tell her that I am not depressed and do not need a SSRI, I just need something I can take to sedate me so I can go to the grocery store without needing days to recover from the experience. She asked me what my problem was with the grocery store. I told her I am sensitive to sound, and before I could get into lights, motion... she interrupted me to say, "You hear sound? Do the voices tell you to do bad things?" WTF. I was done.

I am tired. I am tired from being on the pills she put me on. I am tired from coming off of the pills she gave me. I am tired of people telling me I am depressed when I am not. I have been depressed. I know what that is. I am tired of people talking when I am speaking and ignoring the few words I manage to say. I am tired of being ignored and I am tired of being treated like some ignorant fool who must not have any insight into what goes on in my body or mind. I am tired of being treated this way by people who are supposed to be here to help me, not hurt me. I do not understand why this seem to not only be normal and common, but to be expected. I am outraged. I feel as though I should be.

My mother, who was, as she said, "waiting on pins and needles", was expecting me to call her after my appointment. I called her. She shared my outrage and then told me how she was going to spend today calling every person she could think of to find me a decent head doc... meaning, one who will listen to me. I thought that was nice, though I am not sure what she can do given that she lives nearly four hours from me.

I am trying to stay positive, but the older I get, the more bitter I seem to become when it comes to 'professionals'. I find them to be far from professional. That word has become an oxymoron to me. All I really want is to be able to do things when I have to... little things like buy food. Ever hear that song, "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies? I feel like yelling, "All I wanted was a pepsi, just one pepsi". Gah! I am so annoyed.

God, she sounds a nightmare to have to deal with.

I'd find another doctor as soon as possible; even general practitioners are licensed to give ouut anti-anxiety medication.

The thing is, you're unlikely to find any kind of medication with no side effects, so if your trouble is mainly going to the shops, then cognitive behavioural therapy might work better.

One problem with meds, no side effects, no primary effect. Sounds like this doctor was pill crazy.

Good heavens, that woman is a fruitcake. Yeesh.

Going to the store is not as bad for me as for you, but I have exactly the same kind of problem with doctors. I hope you mother is able to find a good one for you.

i share your frustration, i hope things improve for you.

My dentist did dumb things like inviting his kids to watch when he had me sedated and working on my teeth. And double billing my insurance. And screwing up a crown so I was in so much pain, and then telling me there was nothing they could do other than extract and replace with an implant.

Orthodontist had rotated a canine in a funny position and now that's the only tooth I'm biting with. They insist nothing is wrong and won't listen when I tell them to fix it.

Dermatologist did not help me clear up that weird patch of skin. The two prescriptions did nothing, and when I went back he told me my skin had cleared when in fact it hadn't changed at all.

My two primary doctors really never did anything for me other than check BP, temperature, listen to me, and had some other lab run the bloodwork. They've screwed up tests twice.

Dentist prescribed me an antibiotic to prevent a tooth infection, and the antibiotic permanently screwed up my gastrointestinal system. I've been living with daily GI distress for over a year now.

The GI doctor I've been going to can't even diagnose my gastrointestinal problems, let alone fix it.

ALL OF THEM HAVE, NATURALLY, BILLED MY INSURANCE AND MYSELF FOR THEIR (NON)SERVICES.

So yeah. Some of them are idiots. Others do the best they can, but it isn't enough because the medical science is really only beginning to advance. Great things will happen in the next few decades.

Thank you all for your words. I am glad that it is not just me who finds this woman's behavior unacceptable. My mother's neurologist recommended a fellow who is close to home. I will be calling to make an appt. with him next week. I am still going through side effect from coming off the last pill. I want to have a clear head when I call. I spent yesterday holed up in my room due to violent outbursts of rage... While I feel fine today, I still do not trust myself just yet with the phone as it stresses me out. I do not want to feel like I did yesterday again.

I tend to go on these cycles... every few years I think that I should listen when someone says I could benefit from medication. Then I get on some pill and I never get the mild side effects. I have been hospitalized from my side effects... I nearly died once when all of my muscles started to tense to the point of making it impossible for air to pass through my lungs. I could not walk or talk. I woke up to some nurse saying they almost lost me. I get side effects like that. I would say to hell with the pills altogether, but I know my issues go beyond me. I do have a family, and I can be an inconvenience to them. I would like to try cognitive behavior therapy, but I am curious... does it help with sensory issues? Even if it just helps me re-boot after going out, I am more than on board with that.

Oh... and Dilbert... I think you and I must be seeing the same doctors... Heh... Lawd... I hope you are right about the future. The way things are now is insane...

I know the feeling. I always get the worst side effects too. I think my brain chemistry is incredibly, insanely sensitive. Can you wear something to the store, such as ear plugs and/or darkl glasses which could help with the sensory stuff? I think one helpful thing is to start a thread about your sensory issues and see if anyone has any coping tips. Anyway good luck in finding a good professional....

From what I know of CBT (not very much admittedly), it won't remove the sensory issues, but it will help you change your way of thinking so that you don't see as many psychological threats in the environment and are able to deal with issues effectively when they do arise.

I to get like this every once and a while.

If people keep telling you pills will help, eventually you will believe it. its kinda like brainwashing.

When ever you feel like your going to go against your better judgment ask for a second opinion here on wrong planet. or pm me.

There are some people that just don't do well with medication. i am one of them and you are too. Don't listen to people who try to push drugs down your throat.

If they wont listen when you tell them it has almost killed you in the past. then you shouldn't listen to any advice they give you ,because chances are it wont end well.

And besides, those type of people will never accept your point of view. no matter how many reasons you have for not taking medication they will tell you your in denial or some such crap.

I often get the line, "well you haven't tried the new medications they have". no I haven't but I have been on almost everything out there and if i have not been helped by any of it i don't think some new pills will help.

I have had to have surgery because of some nasty side effects from the meds i took. And believe me, if it is causing life threatening problems of making you need surgery then you need to stay away from the stuff cause if is dangerous! in short, the benefits do not come close to out weighing the risks.

Yep. I get that 'you are in denial' talk. I hate it. I think it must be my flat tone or demeanor that makes people think I must be miserable. I think to myself, "I was fine until you drugged me and screwed me all up. Now I am not so happy." But you cannot say that or they think you are depressed and angry. They make me nuts. I agree, it is like brainwashing... after so many people tell you how many issues you have, you start to wonder if they might be right. I was so hopeful to, after finding out I have AS, I thought that maybe they would stop trying to medicate me and help me try to find alternatives, but these people are so pill crazed I wonder if I will ever find someone who is wiling to work with me without drugging me up.

Right now I have been med free for nearly two weeks and I feel great now. I went to the store last week and it was awful, but I took step-daughter with me so I did not want to wear ear plugs... she speaks softy, so I needed to be sure I could hear her. I still got through it though, got home, took some down time by myself, and was fine after a few hours. My head hurt, but that is nothing compared to those pills they put me on. Sunglasses have been helpful, I just need to get used to having them on my head... I do not like wearing glasses, but they do help, so I have to learn to deal. I also have a friend who is going to put white noise on my portable music player for me. He seems to think that will be a good buffer for me.

I say that to say I think I am finally done with pills. It will take a lot on my part, but I cannot deal anymore with all the crap that comes from these 'wonderful' pills they want me to try. It makes me mad. I hear how screwed up I am and how I could benefit from this or that... then when things go horribly wrong, I want to ask these people if it was worth it... was I what they thought I should be for the two hours to two days before the allergic reactions set it? No... the benefits do not outweigh the risks.

And thanks, just-me, I might take you up on that sometime. I would like to say I will hold to my convictions on this, but when my family gets on me about being such a recluse and how much better things would be if I could take something to go out more and whatnot, I feel bad and second guess what I know about myself and try some new pill that messes me up... Sigh...

I don't thin there is a drug that they can prescribe to address the issue of sensory overload. Maybe a neurologist has something to help but I think the best option for you is to shield yourself with sunglasses and earplugs.

If you want an opinion from a psychiatrist who is forced to read what you say instead of just brushing over what you speak, try this website: http://forum.psychlinks.ca/ He won't (can't) prescribe over the net but he will give opinions. Has helped me with a few questions that I know wouldn't get answered here.

Right on. Thank you. I will check that out. The more options I have, the better off I am, me thinks. It is appreciated.

Edited because I dont think that a rant about unethical drug companies is helpful.... Anyway, Im glad you are feeling ok. If you start having withdrawals, and need help, you could have a look at a med withdrawal board, like this one.. people who are going through similar things can help you through it.

http://www.paxilprogress.org/forums/

Heh. I think I would be on board with the unethical drug company rant... but I feel where you are coming from with the edit. Sometimes I delete my words, figuring they might not be helpful... even though I want to yell them sometimes. Thank you, I am feeling better. I will take a look at that site. It is always good for me to know I am not alone in the weird med effect/withdrawal nonsense. Bless it all, people who have been through it usually have tips and tricks that I have no clue of. In the middle of that, I need any help I can get. Thank you.