Relationships only batter my self-esteem

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I always end up feeling worse than I was before I entered the relationship.

Maybe I deserved to be abused by my first boyfriend.
Maybe I deserved to be used by my second one for his first sex experience then dumped.
Maybe I was only good enough to be some meaningless interim girlfriend with my third.

I don't think I'm meant to be treated any different than this

You don't need anyone in this world to get by happily.

Happiness should come from yourself, not from others; when you rely on happiness in the form of others, you'll be disappointed, as people suck and just hurt you, like me.

Sure, it's at the core of who humans are, to form attachments and derive pleasant emotions from this, but the same above applies; if you aren't happy with who you are (low self-esteem and self-loathing), it doesn't matter who you are with and how nice they are.

Being with someone isn't going to improve your self-esteem or self-loathing.

Only you know what can do that.

Perhaps go on that long drive down that long road, by yourself, and do it all by yourself, without relying on another. I'd go West, I think, if I needed to find who I am, which tells you what you think and feel what you deserve.

I can relate but I don't think you or anyone else deserves it. I think there a certain types of people who are sharks and sense people like us like blood in the water.

Daniel is right, when you put your happiness and self esteem in someone else's hands you are bound to be disappointed.

I am of the opinion that relationships totally mess with minds, unless you dont really care that much about the relationship.

it can really have a bad effect on self-esteem to be with someone and find that you are the one who is more ntrested in keeping the relationship going

Ive been on both sides of this..

I know for a fact that being single is far less complicated and my head is in a better state

But then, it is nice to be in relationships every once in a while. What is helpful is to surf the net and find postings from people who have been in bad relationships. read lots of them and then you will realise that it is the kind of thing that happens to nearly everyone, so theres no point in losing self-esteem over it.

So it is all my fault for relying on them emotionally? What if it was something they did to make me depend on them so much?

No, of course not, but you first must rely on yourself emotionally, otherwise, you'll have to be really, really lucky to stumble upon someone who can provide the emotional support you so require to build self-esteem. Nonetheless, I don't think this will build self-esteem, it'll just be an emotional crutch.

Bad experiences are unfortunate, and yeah, they'll suck self-esteem from you. But as above, being with someone won't build it; they can make you feel good about yourself, but feeling good about things never lasts.

Hence, one will need to find it on their own.

I'm lonely but I'm scared my next relationship will be just as bad for me . I don't know if I'll ever have a healthy relationship. I guess I'll never have one due to how I am.

And I wasn't relying on any of them to make me feel better, I expected them to do their best to not mistreat me and make me feel worse. Is that too much to ask?

I guess some people are just jerks .

Hi blue_bean,

you don't deserve all these, no girl in the world deserve it.

It is not of your fault that you feel worse after break-up. Anyone would feel upset, especially when you're dumped and realised that you're not as significant to him as he is to you.

When I have no bf I wish I have one, but when I break up with one, I wish I had never entered a relationship. I had a bf when I was 17yo, we only went out for like a month...and the end was that he was only using me to make his ex "jealous" so he ex would get back to him. I had many first time experience with him and I couldn't get over the hurting feelings for the whole year.

There is nothing wrong on relying on bf emotionally. I mean, when two people are in a relationship, they're bound together and relying on each others for many things.

Danielismyname said: Being with someone isn't going to improve your self-esteem or self-loathing.

I say, being loved by someone will improve self-esteem and self-loathing, and everything in life. Self-esteem is a complex issue. People usually say that no one can help you with that unless you help yourself. Then why is eople who are not loved and who are often critisised when they're young have low self-esteem. Yes, we need to encourage ourselves but we also need encouragement and love from others to help us to build up confident.

People who used other people have a thousand excuses to justify themselves.

You deserve someone much better. Someone who loves you, and only you, from the deepest of their heart.

yes, they are jerks, there are a lot of jerks in the world, so us as female has to be careful. Be careful when entering a relationship next time. I know it's kinda hard, I kept telling myself this, and I kept being careless *sigh*

(of course there are female jerks too...)

Oh yes, I have a bf who support me emotionally totally. He would pick of my phone and hear my cry for two hours although he has work the next morning. It's tough job for him really, and I don't know why he's doing this. I've got a million problems. AS, depression, OCD, anxiety etc etc... and he has never given up on me. I have no idea why he wouldn't give up. I guess becoz he loves me. surprisingly, this has helped me to build up my self esteem A LOT. We have been together for more than two years. I have told him to leave me several times becoz I'm such a huge "baggage" but he wouldn't.

As I said, people who mistreat others have all the excuses in the world to justify themselves.



bad experience is caused by trusting someone untrustworthy and irresponsible. learn from it blue_bean, feel sad about what happened but don't let it destroy you. I don't know who you are but I'm always here to support you.

Love,
Melbi

you will hon! I'm the worst gf in the world...and yet i got a really good bf. Everyone around me is like "wtf", that's melbi's bf? and that's how he treat her? What is wrong with his brain. Why would he even like Melbi? Seriously, I have no idea either. I asked him a thousand time but he doesn't know why either. You'll eventually meet the person who will establish a healthy relationship with you and he will heal you.

I'm pretty "unhealthy" as a gf, not very loyal and...but my bf has changed me...

Thank you Melbi!

Maybe I'm too needy in many ways. It's like a hunger for love and closeness really, after being deprived of it growing up. I think it's why I get obsessed with people too

I was able to pick myself up easily after the first two BF's and carry on. I don't know what has changed in me since then.

lol im getting a bit angry here....prob becoz i was hurt by a lot of jerks before....

This I can totally relate...I'm really hungry for love and physical contact ...that's prob the main reason why i always rush into a relationship and get hurt...