possibly getting kicked out

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i'm not actually upset or anything, not sure it will happen but yea, apparently i have until friday.
had an arguement with parents because i said this certain law was stupid, started randomly having a go at me for it when it turns out they misunderstood what i was talking about in the first place anyway it ended with me patronising my mum about not understanding 'clever talk', and then i got stuff thrown at me lol
if it actually happens i'll have t ogo live with my real dad across the city, which will mean i'll have to quit my new job of not even 1 week yet becuase its too far.
funniest thing is i head my mum saying i have no empathy when i was walking, i dont see why that should be new news these days

Life. What an adventure.

My dad tried to kick me out a couple of times when I was in my teens. He always relented after a night though, cause I just started sleeping in the carport or in the back yard.

Hope everything works out for you.

Not a bad tactic actually. Now, it may or may not work on a given occasion, and that's why you can only medium invest in any one tactic, and be ready to try four, five potential tactics/solutions, perhaps more.

To have an additional good option, is there a friend or co-worker who you have a gut feeling is a reasonable individual that you could ask about potentially being roommates with?

i would do that, but my dad isnt going to let me sleep outside when i could stay at his house.
and no i dont think so, my friends are all 18 - 19 and live with their parents, and to be honest i wouldnt be comfortable moving in with someone i dont know well

In this day and age I would never kick a child out unless I knew for certain that child had a safe place to go. I will always remember reading about a case in Canada years ago. The father locked his daughter out because she missed her curfew. She was abducted, raped,tortured and killed and they videotaped the whole thing. Can you imagine how that father felt sitting in the courtroom watching the trial of her murderers?

Yeah, I wouldn't either. Okay, I guess the next question is, do you feel comfortable moving in with your Dad? Is he a generally reasonable individual?

And in addition to getting a new job, maybe you could also take some classes this Fall, maybe even two nights a weeks at a community college, and that way have a couple of positive things going. I am a big, big believer in this. And you might even want to consider entrepreneurship, and take a page from Fred DeLuca and start small so that you can test the main core idea as economically as possible, and then take it from there, but the muse kind of needs to move you for this one.

hm bad story aimless, i think that these days there are so many divorced families though that its probably alot more common than it used to be, there isnt so much of a risk of there not beign asafe place to go

to aardvark, yea my dads a decent guy, ive spoken to him on the phone already and he says i'd move in with him, but that its just quite awkward with him working nights and the distance, and i think i would really consider the classes to be honest, thats a good idea.

i'm still kind of thinking this will just blow over though, i'll guess i'll find out on friday

Okay, it's kind of a strategic decision, whether low-key waiting, or more active of asking another family member (or friend of family) to negotiate some kind of settlement. Working on longer post about this.

Now, it sounds like your parents pigeon-holed you because of a position you took about something in the news and then attributed a bunch of other stuff to you. This is not so cool. And then the part of throwing stuff at you, either literally or figuratively. Again, not so cool.

Now, what I learned about my father's violence, at times very serious, is that I can't bring it up and have it taken off the table. But I think someone else easily could have. So, if you can get an Aunt, an Uncle, a friend of the family, maybe even a significantly older brother and sister, who is willing to negotiate a settlement. And if you have to raise your game to an A/B level, while your parents merely raise theirs to a C level, so be it. I was more mature than my parents when I was in the tenth grade. That's just the fact of it. My parents have more issues than I do! And in the negotiation of how people are going to argue, how people are going to treat other, the violence is just sweep off the table. It's not an issue even worth negotiating about it. The person will agree that it's in the past, that's the end of the negotiation part, and that will work for a while, then likely erode . . . but it does buy you some time. Again, you need an intermediary. If there's even a 50-50 chance of a family friend or older sibling agreeing to serve this role, it's probably worth asking them, then be ready to gracious back off, 'okay, I asked you for your best judgment call, you gave me your best judgment call. Thank you for your honesty' But if you can find someone who potentially will say yes, can be big, big help.

Good luck! And keep us informed.

I went off to college for two years, back living with my parents for about nine months, then living on my own from 1985 till Oct. 2008. During that time period, I graduated from college. I have worked a variety of jobs, including teaching high school for one year (not for me), and I have been a retail manager on three occasions, more if you count unofficially. Since Oct. 2008, I have been back living with my parents. And it is far from an ideal situation. One of the few silver linings, even with my current repertoire of skills, I can see before my very eyes that it's a very difficult situation to deal with! And I can forgive myself somewhat for not doing this and that when I was age 16.

thanks for the advice aardvark, its generally always been difficult with my step-dad having anger issues but refusing to see someone, and my mum just having generally lots of other issues anyway. Mostly they think i specifically say certain things to annoy them, rather than it just being my view, which is what probably happened this time

My Dad can take something neutral and perceive it as arrogant, intentional, something like that. And my Mom basically just doesn't see his anger, or doesn't see the significance of it. And then she'll focus almost exclusively on me being upset and will literally say anything, anything (including justifying his violence) in an attempt to get me not to be upset. Very unhealthy dynamic.

And I want to make sure I recommend keeping a light touch as far as looking for an intermediary.

As an example of what not to do, a couple of years ago I was cheated out of a job and then underpaid on the check (relatively common in a sales job). And instead of talking to the horse's ass myself, I thought I would ask someone I knew through politics to call the guy on my behalf. I asked six people. 6 people. All of them said No, some of them using various high-sounding “moral” reasons not to do it. And it was kind of like I lost six friends or potential friends.

So, I recommend not asking more than three people. And if they say No, then easily, readily, graciously back off. Specifically do not enter into a debate whether their reason is good enough.

Now, at the time ‘ . . . he’s an alright guy, I’m not saying you did underpay him. He certainly thinks you did. All I’m asking is if you can please take another look at it and make sure . . . ’, I had not yet hit upon this. So, some of the people might have thought they would be taking too definite a stand on my behalf.

everythings ok now it seems, had another arguement on friday and i think the only thing stopping me getting kicked out then was when i said i wouldnt be keeping it touch if i was thrown out. i though that was pretty obvious and that anyone would do the same but it turns out they thought they could just kick me out and bother with me whenever they felt like it.
apologised just before i went to work and that seemed to fix it......i dont think i was in the wrong but it seemed the mature thing to do, i wont be getting an apology for having stuff thrown at me but whatever, at least i get to live in the house still

I'm glad things are going better for the time being. Your parents sound undependable. I'm sorry, but that's the way it does sound, and that is a hard situation. It sounds like you are more mature than your parents. So, yeah, you can make the best of it while things are good, but you kind of need to have alternate plans swimming around in the back of your head in case you need them.

And the question of whether to apologize when you really don't feel you are primarily in the wrong, that’s another hard one. Okay, what I've learned from my experience is, it's not clunksville rules, rather it's feel and texture, and it’s steering a generally middle course and then paying attention to feedback as you go along. So, I can give a medium apology and see how it feels in a day or two. In a similar vein, in in a social situation where a person and I are not connecting but the circumstances are such that I kind of have to spend time with them, I like the theory of measured disclosure. I don’t need to lie, but neither do I need to reveal everything. I can choose to keep some aspects private.

Other members, please, jump in and share what you’ve learned from your own experiences.

And here is wishing you all the best!