Vengence growing in me

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I was severely abused by my parents and elder brother
the hatred is still lingering in me for all the things they screwed up
couple of years ago i forgive them and moved on and did not keep
touch with them.
but they keep calling up my husband, they try keeping in touch
which creates problems for me...i hate it
the vengence is growing in me
i frequently send them hate email, sms etc....
i just want to get even with them
also planning to get court restrain order to prohibit
them from entering my premises.

Have you told them directly that you don't want contact with them? Also, have you explained to your husband that you'd like him to react the same way?

If you have done the above, I think the legal route may be the only way to get them to go away. You have my sympathies for what has happened to you. I'm not sure if you have moved on though, I think it's possible that you're suppressing your feelings.

I hope things get better for you soon.

i have told my husband clearly that i cant stand them
they keep calling him for the childs birthday party etc
and even if he says no they keep calling so forcibly he attends it
yes you are right im just suppressing things and its not fully gone.

If you don't want anything more to do with your family, stop having contact with them. Your husband, as an extension of you, should respect this. It's not his family, it's yours. It's your choice to make. So, change your number and don't pass that on to them. Don't send them hate mail or anything. That just makes you look petty and desperate for attention. They think they're better than you by letting you have your hissy fits while they go around you to talk civilly with your husband. So burn the bridge and don't look back.

Edit to add:
You have nothing to gain by holding onto such hostility. You have to get that out. Your hate for them only hurts you. Once you burn the bridge, begin healing yourself. You don't ever have to talk to them again to heal. You just have to realize that you are okay now and be happy with that.

I understand that your husband wants to be polite but it would seem that he doesn't understand your wishes properly.

If my father tried to see me without my consent my partner has stated that he'll kick my father into next week. Putting this in context, my father was verbally abusive when he was divorcing my Mother (no other type of abuse). There is a member of my partners family that I would react similarly to. This is probably because of similar understanding on both sides but it's possible that we have communicated our feelings about this very clearly too.

Perhaps to tell your husband to just hang up when he hears their voices could explain that you really don't want them next, nigh or near you. Or even saying to him that you want to cut all possible ties with your family and his continued contact makes that very difficult.

I can understand why he may not understand your needs regarding your family. Many people have said to me stuff like "but he's your father" "but he's family" etc when I've explained that I don't want my father in my life. It's common enough for people who have had childhoods where they had a fair to good childhood that they find it really difficult to understand the results of a bad childhood and the needs resulting from a bad childhood.

I hope that you'll be able to explain effectively your needs to your partner, I know that it can be hard to explain this kind of thing to acquaintances and I'm guessing it's harder still to explain this to someone you love.

Namaste,

Is there anybody that you like?

Fnord

The problem with this is that the people you like still give information to the people you don't like. If you ask them not to share anything about your life, they feel very uncomfortable because they're placed in the middle. Also, the people you don't like tend to tell lies about you to the people you do like, which is a constant battle to set the record straight. It turns out that the people you don't like will use the people you do like just to get a reaction from you. It's twisted, pointless and not worth the effort.

Burn the bridge and move on.

I think that silence is key here. Acknowledgement from yourself or your partner simply feeds their desire to have contact with you. Stop responding. Don't reply to anything they say, ever. If they slander you, if they say they love you, if they threaten silence, if they demand contact, your response, ALWAYS, should be silence. I know it's tempting to vent and give way to the words that are building in your heart, but you have to resist it; don't e-mail or text, just be silent. I'm also sorry to say it, but you have to sit your partner down and explain how you feel. Exactly how you feel and why you feel that way. You need to let him know that it's not okay that he feels he can let your abusers into your life anytime he feels like it. Ask how it would be for him if you told his drunken auntie, or whoever it is that he doesn't like. about his most intimate secrets. You might find that he suddenly discovers empathy. Good luck.

yes great advice of burning the bridge and healing myself and letting things go
i wont try to make contact with them and just maintain silence
but i am going through some emotional issues
and feel confused all the time

Namaste, have you ever had counseling for your experiences? It could help, or doing a counseling training course also can help.

yes i tried counselling once
but the counsellor kept on insisting for me to get a job
but i cant hold onto jobs...its very difficult and i cant handle the pressure at workplace, competition
etc
i breakdown

Can you try a different counselor? My previous counselor insisted on doing a mock job interview, had zero sympathy when I broke down crying over money issues (completely missing the stress and anxiety levels at play), and took me off my anti-anxiety without any authorization to do so. When I asked for a new counselor, I got one and she's been wonderful. It's like she went to school for this or something.

im too scared now.
once bitten twice shy
i just dont have faith in medical therapies
i use holistic ways like meditation etc

I felt that way too. I went without treatment for three months until this clinic sent me a letter that said they were closing my case if I didn't make an appointment. So I called and requested a new counselor. It was nerve-wracking. It turned out that they were all pretty upset about him taking me off the medication and he got into trouble. I thought treatment was hopeless and I'd just have to struggle through on my own for the rest of my life... and here they needed to know he was extending beyond his limitations with clients and causing possible harm. If you can muster the strength to take another leap, I encourage you to do it. You've got to talk out these issues.

I'm not talking about taking any medications. I'm talking about talking to someone. There's nothing modern or new about sitting across from someone and sharing all the f*cked up things that happened and having them say, "That is f*cked up. It's not unusual for someone to feel this way when that happens to them. Here are some ideas on how to deal with these situation when you feel this way..."

If you have to, just talk about the family issues. Make it clear that you want to get into this first and foremost.

That sounds like a bad counsilor for you, I've had some bad experiences with them myself. I've also had one good experience which helped and I did a course in Adlerian psychology and counseling methods as well, which also helped a lot.

There are some counselors who for whatever reason should work at something else and then there is compatibility between the counselor and counselee that has to be considered. If a counselor isn't compatable with the counselee, it will be difficult to make progress. The counselor you had was a git but there are ones out there that are good and helpful.

Although, if you feel you really don't want to see a counselor, doing a certificate in counseling can help because you learn skills that can help to work through difficult things on your own.

I have learned alternative healing like pranic healing and reiki which as helped me tremendously
Also i have dabbled with naturopathy which cured my migraines
And then spirituality and meditations....
About counselling i attended 2 session and the counsellor told me people usually leave counselling after 1-2 sessions
she didnt want me to come back..
I dont understand how can 24 years of abuse be cured with 1 hr of counselling in 2 days.Its a magic wand method
I wont go back for counselling, medication etc they dont work out for me
Also i read across from different forums and from books about mental illness and that gives me knowledge about it
and how to deal with it.
My parents condition was far more worse then mine they were both extremely psychotic and schizophrenic
i keep myself safe by spending time alone and keeping minimal interaction with others.