40 minutes later after suicide attempt

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It's been approximately fourty minutes after this suicide attempt, I took the pills and thenm I noticed my heart rate was ever so fast, so I without thinking just kept on taking other kinds of pills then just as unsonsciously I went running for the toilet and started vomiting, then I took a lot of water and kept on vomiting, after three more times I desisted, then my mother asked me if I wanted a chamomille tea thinking I had food poisoning, I accepted and went to the front lawn with her and had a chat about the rain and other unimportant chit.-chat-y minutia, between the times I discretely checked my pulse I noticed the most beatifull thing of all that I just have to have again, my sensory overload disappeared suddenly I was just my self, the pain medication Ibuprophen and the alergy medication chlorphenhidramine numbed me enough to just feel what I was supposed to feel ... my self and just my self and not every single thing that overloaded me, it only lasted three seconds, four at the most but I had never experimented such oneness with my self, I wasn't burt out from the overload that plaged me all my life. That tranquility was so beatiful that in those three seconds were more than enough to realise that, if I were always like that, I could get to be me and not sensory overload not-me. The chorphenhiramine my body did absorved is making me drowzy, I will report back with more details after waking up.

PS: Please do not eliminate this thread, I had a taste of what is not being sensorially overloaded and I need it, there is a way and I feel more hopefull than I've been in a very long time.

Nacht-y Nacht, nappie time ...zzzZZ

It's very disturbing that so many people on this site are suicidal and I can't really do anything to help them, but knowing someone has just tried to kill themselves is horrible. YOU NEED TO GO TO EMERGENCY IMMEDIATELY YOU NEED HELP BADLY PLEASE DON'T TRY TO KILL YOURSELF AGAIN IT'S NOT THE ANSWER YOU MUST NOT THINK YOU WILL FEEL HORRIBLE FOREVER AND THAT THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO HARM YOURSELF THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO CAN HELP AND PLEASE THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU AND HOW DEVASTATED THEY WOULD FEEL REMEMBER THAT DEATH IS PERMANENT ONCE YOU ARE GONE YOU CAN'T COME BACK EVER SO PLEASE GET HELP!! !

Hi, we care about you. If at all possible, you do need to talk with a person like a counselor or a doctor or even a minister (and I say this even though I'm comfortably atheist/agnostic myself) who can acknowledge both the seriousness of the suicide attempt and the spiritual insight or accidental benefit of the drugs.

I am open to medication for depression or anxiety. Haven't tried it yet myself but if it helps me connect better with myself or the world or other people, why the heck not. Now, either a psychiatrist or a regular doctor like an internist can prescribe this medication. The first go around may not work so you just keep tinkering. But please do it under the advice of a doctor. And then frankly, just doctor shop as necessary.

And use us as a resource and talk with us any time you like.

I definitely can understand why so many autistic people consider suicide. Years ago, I considered the same thing many times. It is extremely hard to find a niche in an alien world.

That is pretty unsettling -- I think the above posters are right about going to a hospital. The rapid heart rate part is especially not-good, as too much of that antihistamine can interfere with the autonomic nervous system and cause the heart to accelerate without limit.

I don't know your living situation, but if wine or pot also works for your sensory stuff you're probably better off doing that if you absolutely must have some relief for a little while. And in the meantime you could see a doctor about getting something prescribed.

Please tell me you went to the hospital.

This is serious.

Well I am not dead, my throat feels like I swallowed a rough rock though. I did not went to the hospital since I knew there was nothing more they could do. I washed my stomach pretty well, I vomited like ten times, then drank a pint of water and vomited ten more times and then did it all again three more times. Besides strangers make me very uncomfortable and hospitals are terrible with all those germs and awful smells and on top of all I am sure I could not have taken all those mean comments from the hospital staff specially due to my hyperempathy which would have made me fell terribly awful.

But like I said on the thread's oppening comment, a very good thing came out of this, there is a way to not be sensorially overloaded virtually all the time. You see I have a sunlight, fluorescent light and other light spectra that make it so very much worse and well there is light practically everywhere at anytime but I am sure I'll never forget those three to four seconds I was just my self, ridden free of the S.O. that kept me burnt out. I have yet to find a safe alternative to feel like that but it has certainly given me a new purpose in life, and to see such kind comments of your support certainly make me feel like there are people I can count on even if it is through this medium.

As for the comments that tried to make me to reconsider based on my loved ones I ply to you to encourage me from another angle since though there are a few set of people that "care" about me none of them has ever taken all so seriously my AS nor any of my special needs. I have had to make it despite that I am constantly treated like the freak that calls out for attention by acting strange, and I am ever so tired of hearing one can just "move past" AS and my light issues, that it just takes some will power to get to be NT. So please if you indeed want to help lets work around the fact that though there are people that would be sad if I died not even then would they reconsider that will power cannot make AS go away. If anything it has taken me a lot of will power to not have done this several years ago and hundreads of several times since then.

“A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.

Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted! ”

I find that when i go to the gym, really wear myself out, i can sort of lose my anxiety for a while. Like i stand up straight, i make eye contact and etc. In a way i think that a lot of the anxiety i have comes from myself and that when i reach a level of exhaustion i just can't be bothered.

OP, we took your situation seriously. i am a moderator and i contacted you Internet Service Provider last night so they could get assistance for you if necessary as they would know your location. when you said you were tired and dozing off it was of great concern to us. i will send them a message and let them know you are ok.

members came forward with great worry on your behalf, and i am glad that you understand that there is a community of great support and guidance here, with real people who do care.

it is not safe to take overdoses like that for the purpose of calming yourself down. dissociation through medication can cause long-term memory loss, decreased cognitive function, organ damage (including brain injury), and other issues. basically, you will usually survive but your health will deteriorate. there are prescriptions you can get from your doctor for medicines that can help you in small doses without causing harm, like tranquilisers, beta blockers, or anti-depressants.

OP, I'm glad you're okay. Please do try to find some safe way of managing your sensory issues. I am on medication that helps with mine.

~Kate