You're a victim?

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Why is 'oh you're a victim' an insult?.....yeah I am a victim of bullying, PTSD from a traumatic experience, loneliness, depression, anxiety and a not so great childhood among other things. So I just don't understand what that means as an insult really. I mean are there people who go through their lives without ever being a victim of anything? and are they the majority?


So yeah I don't get what that means when people say it like an insult, but I know it usually makes me feel bad so maybe if I understood it better I could avoid experiencing further emotional discomfort.

Because it implies that you constantly feel sorry for yourself rather than thinking about the positive things in life. It implies self-pity, which you appear to be fairly proficient at.

You can have been a victim of bullying/assault/abuse etc. That's no shame/fault/blame of yours.

It's the victim mentality that people find irritating. The 'look, I have this wrong with me, this, this, this and this has happened to me. People are so horrible to me, pity me' thing gets irritating. Particularly if the things people are complaining about are partially their fault. Also, if someone is busy dealing with their own issues they can be irritated when other people complain a lot about theirs. I'm not saying it's morally or socially right, but it seems to be the case.

To clarify, I'm not saying you are doing this. I'm just saying that people can misconstrue talking about your issues as you 'attention seeking'. Particularly if you're frequently talking about them, or talking about them with people that have you're not close friends with.

That's what we're trying to get across. It's perfectly understandable that you may have had some very traumatic experiences in your life and, in those cases, most people will be naturally sympathetic to you. People are quite understanding and sympathetic here in comparison with many Internet message boards and will help you out.

It's the whiny, attention-seeking "poor me" act that you constantly do that winds people up. You don't know what the other experiences of the people on this board are. There may be many other women who have had to suffer far, far worse ordeals than you have but they keep quiet about it and try to retain a positive outlook if they can, if only for their sanity (or, more likely, their children or partner).

Do you understand? Does this make sense? A lot of us are depressed here but we just deal with it as best we can (although I am personally not that bad at the moment).

I have an issue with words like "attention-seeking" and "act." In my experience 0% of people accused of these things are trying to win an Oscar for best dramatic performance. They're trying to find relief from suffering by asking for help from others. Maybe some of these others resent this because they feel everyone should and can be able to solve their own problems without "burdening"others? I haven't met a single person though who is not a member of the human collective that depends on each other in ways that are not always obvious. There are different styles.

In my observation more assertive/yangish people when they have a problem state what they need authoritatively in a way that either quickly yields what they want, starts a fight, or causes them to move onto a more yielding source, and more cooperative/yin-ish people try to reconcile what they need with what others need by proposing compromise in an unassuming and striving-to-please way that is usually more drawn-out, and yangish people get upset when they realize they are having demands put on them softly and subtly rather than overtly and explicitly. They might see it as trickery because they "play life" in a more loudly labelled way. Just a theory.

Even if someone is "attention seeking" or "self pitying", I don't see why this should upset a third party on the internet. If you're so swell and proudly dealing with all your problems, why waste your time kicking others who are down? Sadistic behavior of that sort makes you come off as a bit of a sociopath.

If someone describing their problems bothers you then the best thing would be not to read it, IMO. Maybe you think you have them and their life completely figured out, but then maybe you don't.

victim definitely has a negative connotation, so much so that folks with breast cancer or who have been raped don't call themsleves victims, but breast cancer survivors and rape survivors.