Can you learn to love loneliness?

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I am finding myself feeling lonely... nothing new... but I notice some here do not mind being entirely alone all of the time, or maybe I am wrong? For a time, the forums are enough to keep it at bay, but going days, even a week without interracting with another present human being is proving to be difficult and I feel needy because of this. My response when this happens is to grab out for contact on the net... to crave some sort of attention to remind me that I do exist and that I am alive...does anyone else get this way? It leaves me feeling somewhat pathetic. We are not meant to be needy.

I suppose I am used to having one stronger person in my life to be there etc, and I have been lacking that presence for almost a year now. So, I sit here and hint and get upset and het up because to me, I am making it clear I am very lonely, but there is nothing, it seems, that anyone can do to help with that...and I do not know how to make friends here because I am no good with group gatherings and new stuff and the friends I do make either move on because of my tendency to get absorbed in my obsessive interests or I cannot sustain the friendship because of the same reason and because my needs ebb and flow. I never ask for things directly... it seems weak. So I do not say, can people message me or talk to me or something...as I assume that if people wanted to, they would and I would hate to force people into doing anything or to guilt trip or manipulate...hell, I feel that just by posting this, I am being manipulative.

I just feel so lonely at this point, and utterly pathetic for posting about this... I am meant to be 31, not 12.

I doubt anyone can love lonliness as lonliness is a negative feeling.

I agree to the above post, to be honest though, 31 is still young. Plenty of time to change for the better.

Some here claimed to have done it. I have tried, but can't do it.

Humans are social beings. We're genetically predisposed to crave human contact. The value of our lives is determined to some degree by those we interact with and how we live within the context of our society.

I can suggest that, although new situation are trying, anxiety-making, and can be even painful, it's worth it. I've had good experiences with classes--learning new things and interacting with people is always beneficial to the brain. Although it's tough, a challenge can help wake up your brain and if you can get through it, it's worth it.

I recommend checking out a local rec center or looking around for adult-education classes. I really don't think the internet is the real solution to the problem of isolation--it may put a balm on the wound, but it doesn't get rid of the problem. If anything it probably exacerbates it.

Try taking up an instrument, and scheduling lessons in a one-on-one environment. Or take up a martial art, or yoga. Or join a book group. Take it upon yourself because, for those of us who do live alone, we must advocate for ourselves. In all probability, if you're waiting to be rescued, the hard fact is it ain't happening. On the other hand, there's no reason you can't rescue yourself.

The point is not to love loneliness, but to find companionship without people. You have a tremendous jump on most for this, with access to things that most cannot touch. Do not forsake that as a way to find companionship.

I don't love loneliness, but I'm not worried for being alone. Also, I think sometimes it's better being alone.

I think it's perfectly OK for you to post this...you're not being manipulative because you are not imposing anything on people. If people decide to do something for you after reading this, it is out of their choice so you're not being manipulative. You are expressing yourself and seeking what you need, and aren't we entitled to that as long as we are not harming anyone?

I feel frustrated at myself because I feel for you but lack the skills and means to say something to make you feel better. I am kind of afraid that I might make you feel worse...because...oftentimes I feel that I'm clueless in these situations...but....
I really wish to tell you that you are not nonexistent. To be honest with you, to me and to many people you are a person who has a big presence in WP. For example, I wish I could read all the posts in WP but that is impossible and I cannot but pick and choose, and when I see a post written by you I am more likely to read it because it is written by you and I like the way you write...Your writings convey a lot of wisdom and wit and so much more...

It's OK to be needy and it's OK to reach out to people. Actually, I think it is a healthy thing to be able to address your own needs.

You might not buy this, and you might get frustrated at me for saying this ("What's the point in giving me compliments? I'm telling you I don't see those things in myself and I'm feeling miserable and unimportant and abandoned!" was my response when people tried to cheer me up by saying good things about me when I was depressed.) but I can see a lot of potential in you... You have so many good things in you! Look how many people are responding to your poems and stories and artworks? I am one of those who are deeply touched by them. You might not think so but the fact that you feel lonely and have a need for human interaction means that you have the ability to make friends, much more than those who are content just by being themselves.
I think you have a lot of potential to make good friends and become acknowledged for your talents in the future.

So please cheer up...
I think there will be many good things coming up in your life...
You are a lovely and lovable person...You are talented and.... you are dearly beloved...by whatever you name it...the Great Energy or Source or whatever...

I am lonely a lot of the time. While I could easily hold my own as far as living independently, I just want some sort of companion.

Tim

I've merely become more tolerant of loneliness, but I still hate it. At times I think that being alone is better than dealing with people, and in those times I pick loneliness over frustration / discomfort.

Graelwyn, I would be devastated without my husband and kids. My heart would be like a black hole. Some of us enjoy solitude, but no one enjoys lonliness.

No one can love loneliness.
no one could live without humen contact, thats just in-human.
but i don`t mind beeing alone.
I aint very social, but it aint possible for me to enjoy beeing alone all of the time.

You can learn to love being alone if you get more schizoidal as I have over the years.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_p ... y_disorder

I think aspies funtion best in a small group of family and freinds. Everyone has a balance of just enough and too much social interaction. What we don't like is meaningless social interaction. We crave meaningful relationships.

I abhor large quantities of interraction and real smalltalk, but I always am craving someone who will understand me and be able to share in my special interests and with whom I will be comfortable enough to share some physical affection and warmth. In my mind, the idea of being held sometimes is quite appealing, but I never seem to reach that. The idea of friends who can really understand what I am about and accept all of me has always been appealing, but again, no one ever seems to get close to understanding me. That said, I am very grateful for the few internet friends I have who make sure they stay in contact...that means a lot to me, especially given I can be very selfish at times with making first contact myself. I tend to not like to bother people, or I get to depressed etc. I would not want to be married with children, but someone as a partner, but non live-in would be nice. I have had several internet relationships and even those were ok, but I have a bad habit of becoming obsessive and clingy at times... I do not know if other aspies ever get this issue... It was like it would be if you as a child had your special interest removed... I had the same reaction if the person I had a relationship with online wasn't there when I expected them to be, lol. I have calmed somewhat since then, however.

There is a local choir/singing group and singing is a passion of mine, but I am so terribly nervous as my tendency in groups is to stay off to the side and be unable to go up to people to talk. There was a poetry reading group at the local library and I got as far as getting the contact email of the lady running it to find out times, but never got further.