I am going to kill myself

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I hate my life,

I was looking forward to this weekend but all that happened was a bunch of f*****g drama. No one understands me, I hurt people and apparently use autism as an excuse, f**k it I am out. I am going to kill myself as soon as I am high.

I have no friends and if I did they'd want me dead anyway.

Last edited by dcj123 on 10 Jan 2016, 4:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Don't...

Please don't. Help is available. Call 911, tell a parent, please reach out for help.

Been there done that, parents hate me and that was the center of the drama. They'd probably want me dead and I have been to the hospital, they don't help. Isolation doesn't help, nothing helps, I want out. I love everyone and I get f*****g s**t in return, I tired of the f*****g drama. I am tried of life, all I do is try to suck someone elses d**k to make them happy but yet people can treat me like a f*****g piece of f*****g trash and I never get so much as an apology. f**k this s**t.

Stop thinking about it.
I know things are tough but it's your own thoughts getting out of control and beating you up that makes you feel like you want to die.
Happens to me too.
Find something to lose yourself in, something that precludes thinking.
I paint things and listen to lectures on philosophy or whatever.
This really helped pull me out the last time I was feeling as you do now.
I don't know what you do but find something that draws you in to that space where you don't notice the passing of time.
Hugs and love and I hope this feeling passes.

Great, more reason to f*****g do it, some people removed me as their friends...

f**k why is life so hard for me,

This may be an unpopular thing to say, but...to me..if you were going to 100%, you wouldn't post here, you'd just do it.
Posting here says to me that at least some part of you doesn't want to/has a reason or desire not to.

If that's the case, then maybe figure out what that reason is..what's keeping you here..and focus on that.

Is there anything you are passionate about?

Life's hard for everybody. And if you REALLY wanted to be dead, you'd be dead instead of fishing for others to tell you why killing yourself is a bad idea.

And it IS a bad idea. Help is available. Getting unfriended on FB isn't the end of the world. Sticking around long enough to get help and for the help to actually HELP you will take a while... and provide you with opportunities to make new friends.

Please get help. You matter.

Alright fine, this is the last f*****g post I make,

I am almost high enough so f**k this forum, I don't want anyone's pity.

Well what are you high on?

I understand what you say. I have been thinking the same way at one point.

Then I started a daily log: Every day I am writing the date and "something that I liked today" (a smile, a beautiful tree, ...something)
It is a compulsory log. It is very difficult at the beginning when you are in that state of mind. You have to search your day and find something you liked every evening.
But if you force yourself, you will always find something, even the worst days, it's amazing.
I have been doing this log for a long time, now i feel much better, i see plenty of beautiful things that i used not to see before.

Now I have a book full of nice souvenirs, and i know, whatever happens, there will be more tomorrow

Will you try? Will you give yourself this chance?

It is a genuinely horrendous feeling and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

The last time I felt that way was when I truly believed that I was about to lose everything I owned.

I remember lying awake in bed all night thinking that suicide was the only way out and then thinking of my daughter lying in bed in the next room. I was truly torn.

It took every bit of my strength to hold on and to just not do it.

I don't know how I got through that night but I did.

The thing is, the next day when I got up everything had changed, things had turned around.

It really is worth hanging on. Honestly.

Ok...

Guys, I am alright...

I just kinda had a meltdown and I am ok I think...

I am very very very high... and to answer babybird, I am high on maybe... about seven substances.

I did lose a friend though...

f**k

I didn't mean to cross a boundary with him...

I am done, I won't kill myself but I promise I'll never speak again... ever

I hurt everyone around me including those here, I am going to leave. If I can't stay gone, I'll have a mod ban me... I try so hard and I fail, I am failure...

I am autistic to extreme for one...

Doc said that I have full autism and the only reason he didn't dx me with it, is I was older but he was amazed that I can even talk with my brain scan results....

I am tired of hurting people, I wish I never could talk... All I have done is create a disaters and I genelly love everyone but I can't express it...

I just want to be normal so bad, I just want to have friends and instead I cry for hours ever day...

I am never going talk ever, I am done, I have left enough carnage...

And if the person blocking me reads this, I never meant to hurt you, I just wanted a friend so bad and I beg you to forgive me but I respect you if you never talk to me again... please at least understand my intentions, I just wanted a friend... thats all I wanted...

Don't go.

Please don't do it, fight your depresson, I have been there many times and have physically attempted quite a few times and have made drawn out detailed serious plans on how i would do it. Your life matters you have family members who rely on you and your life matters please don't do it. You matter.