My Empire of Dirt

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I am buried under the weight of not saying these words aloud, and yet saying it would only cause others to flock with their sentiments of hope and other niceties.

I wish suicide didn't hurt other people. I wish it wasn't considered a selfish act.


I'm just so tired.



Everyone I know
goes away in the end.

I know how that feels. You can pm me if you want.

Last edited by slw1990 on 24 Jul 2016, 11:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Is there anything that helps, besides suicide?

This is how I know there's no all-powerful deity out there. Why be allowed to survive the abuse, the abandonment of friend after friend, the torment of bullies, and every other piece of absolute sh*t in between, only to be shown what could have been and then have it ripped away? They should have taken me in my sleep.

I don't believe in a Supreme Deity.

There is the notion, though, that a Supreme Deity, instead of responding to one's problems, should let the person resolve them on their own.

It's a very cold notion--but it is used as the justification for the existence of a Deity who doesn't interceded actively in people's lives.

Well, the same philosopher who proclaimed that God is dead also asserted that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, which I think seems an appropriate sentiment in this situation.

I don't believe in God or any type of all-powerful being, but I do believe in the ability of humans to overcome immense challenges, and that when we do so there is actually something almost a little Godlike in us. I don't know why we abuse, abandon, and bully each other, but I think that there is a way to allow those experiences to shape you without letting them destroy you.

As someone who has attempted suicide in the past, I'm actually glad I made it past those rough times to see that there were more possibilities in life than I had realized. See if there's some way to take what you're experiencing now and use it to reconstruct your life into something more tolerable. Maybe you could try to channel your emotions through some kind of creative endeavor such as poetry, art, or music. And maybe there's some way to get yourself out of (or at least minimize your exposure to) the toxic environments you describe and into more environments where you'd be in the company of kinder individuals who won't be as likely to bully or abandon you.

You could give up and that would probably take care of your problems, but in a lot of ways I think that'd be selling yourself short. Wouldn't it be better to fight back and try to claim for yourself something closer to the existence you crave (rather than the nonexistence you're considering settling for), if at all possible?

^ It's good advice and I truly do appreciate it, but I've pulled myself out of too many of these dark holes with the hope that there was a better future out there for me. I've fought repeatedly and yet, I keep ending up in the dark holes.
I'm just so tired.

I probably won't ever really do it, out of guilt over hurting my parents and leaving my cat, but I don't think my soul can climb out of another hole. My body can be allowed to exist without it.

Disclaimer - I shouldn't be giving advice really but here is my opinion if it matters to you.

Hey purple haired avatar (Thats how I know you) lol

I miss you from Random, you should try some humor which is why I called you the above. Humor is great when you feel bad, watch a comedy. Think up a funny thread and post it in random and try not to focus on life too much.

True...

But why do you need people, your mental will being should never be dependent on someone else. I know its easier said than done but if you come to peace with all possible outcomes then you'll never have a problem outside of your ability to handle. What outcome do you fear? Is it so bad that suicide seems like an opinion? Do you have to have people around you to feel complete?

Suicide isn't selfish but rather that the other person is so full or grieve due to

1. Feeling like a burden to others
2. Feeling worthless because things aren't working out for them

Hey Aurora:

Why are you feeling sad right now?

Thanks everyone for your replies. I've been in a really dark place (hence me posting this) over the past few days. I'm feeling a bit better today. It's going to take time, but I'm a survivor, and sometimes I need to remind myself of that. Everyone here is always so supportive and I've really missed talking to you all over the past few months.

I want to reassure everyone that I was not suicidal, just really sad and thinking about the concept of suicide and it's impact on the ones who lose someone to it. I know how much it would hurt my parents, my friend (K), my cat and, above all else, I would never take a chance potentially hurting the person who means most to me by ending my life.

I'm sending positive energy to you. Hopefully it will work. If not surround yourself with animal friends. Your gift is your curse... big hearts in a heartless world. Its hard for me too. Wish I had better to offer but that's all I have for right now. Wishing you well.

I feel the same way. I wish I could just end it. And I'm a full-time Christian saying that. One of the things that keeps me believing is that the Gospel really seems to elevate the lowly - ones such as myself, and apparently all of us? As the first ones who will enter Heaven, because the Creator would obviously be able to see all of what we endure, and then see everyone else partying and pointing their fingers at us. That's gotta count for something, so I keep on believing, and make every effort not to off myself.

Love the NIN reference.

Do you mean Johnny Cash?

Both..? Trent Reznor wrote it first. And only upon seeing the video did he endorse the use of his song.