Financial Abuse

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Me and my husband only get 735 a month and we're hoping that either I get a job or he finally gets his SSI, but in the meantime I feel like we're being financially abused by my uncle we are living with. If I give details it would be a long post we end up paying all the rent, all bills, most of the food, all the basic household stuff, food for his pets, much of the gas for the car, etc... And any money I have left he demands to know what we buy. Plus he looks through my phone and tablet and opens and sometimes doesn't give us our mail. And the bill utilities, he demands we give him cash for them and most of the time he doesn't pay them, he waits for shut off notices and tries to get DHS or churches to pay them. We run out of money very quickly and most of the month he barely gives us enough money to get to our appointments. FED UP

EVEN MORE FED UP

He left the water bill on the table... Somehow he got it in me and my husband's name and didn't pay a dime on it... Now has a shut-off notice. The electric I got in my name because he claimed he had an old bill and couldn't get it in his name.... He insisted on paying it himself if I gave him some money toward it and instead of paying it he let it go to shut off then turned it on in his name (he lied about the past bill)

The rent... He claimed next month it was going to be 600 because of extra fee and I agreed to pay 300. The original agreement was to split all bills and rent 50/50. Then I found out it was really 400. I said "I only owe you 200 then." But he said "no, you agreed to 300!" I found out most months he doesn't even owe rent or much rent because he works it off by doing stuff for the park... So weve been paying him enough money to cover all rent and then some.

Most of the time he claims to be flat broke but I know he not only gets SSI the same as me but he spends lots of time doing under the table jobs.... What does he do with his money?

What do I do???

This is a really bad situation. I think you need to seek legal advice. What your uncle is doing is having things in your name, but saying he's going to be responsible for paying the bills -- then he takes your money and doesn't pay them.

Clearly he's just spending your money on other things for himself.

However, getting all these notices and demands is going to ruin you credit rating and it will be YOU who gets into trouble financially. All this stuff is a black mark against your own financial standing and may make it very hard for you in the future, when or if you ever need to apply for credit, a mortgage or even future utilities accounts or a rental agreement. The late notices and non-payments will be on your records.

Seriously, these will prevent you from even getting your own place one day if the marring of your name financially continues.

Is there any system by which you can get free legal help? There must be an advice center or somewhere who can help.

This is financial abuse and this uncle is taking advantage of your money.

We are thinking about just packing our stuff and leaving when we get our check next month. Even though I played all the money for the car, he convinced me to get it registered in his name and insurance in his name claiming it would be cheaper.... He drives it more than me but I have to pay all the insurance because I played for the car he says. But technically it is his now and if I just drove off in it he could report it stolen...

Find a way out.

Sounds like you've been kidnapped in your own home
and are having everything you own stolen from you,
including your identity / reputation / credit history.
When are you going to stand up for yourself?
Or if you need help, call the cops, or a lawyer?
Or hey, if you continue to do nothing to defend and protect yourself ...
well, it ain't gonna be pretty.
Your life and your husband's could be at stake.

Agnix, even though you don't have an autism diagnosis, you have some other diagnosis, right? Which makes you a vulnerable person. Please try to contact any kind of legal help or someone to speak on your behalf. Your uncle is obviously pretty good at conning you.

Don't give him any money any more. If something needs to be paid, you go there and pay it yourself.

You are in contact with mental health services, right? Have you told them about this situation?

I know they are reluctant to give you an autism diagnosis for some reason - but this is exactly the sort of trouble some autistic people end up in because they are gullible. I don't understand why they think your social skills are too good for an autism diagnosis.

My uncle screams and yells and throws a fit when I disagree with him... When I tell people whats going on and they question my uncle he always convinces them Im basically crazy and making it up. I tell this to my caseworker and I think she is listening but im missing appointments with her because she wont talk on the phone and I dont have the gas to drive to her...

My husbands very angry but he doesnt stand up to him either... Were going to try to leave somehow.

This is a deeply worrying situation. You are truly being conned and gaslighted by this man.

Do not take the car in order to leave, as it will indeed be considered theft because it is registered in his name.

If you and your husband are going to leave, before you do, first you need to find a way to take your name off all the accounts that are in your name, and/or close those accounts, or they will continue to accrue debt in your name even if you are no longer living with your uncle.

Get in touch with each company to whom the bills are in your name. If necessary, you might even inform them of the situation. it will seem a bit unorthodox but perhaps they need to know what's going on and why payments are late, etc.

Take your name and accountability of everything he's put in your name. There probably won't be a way of transferring them to him without his consent, so it may well come to having to just request a closing of the accounts. Be aware you will probably have to pay any overdue bills to do that, however.

Are there any other people who could give you shelter? Friends, other family? Even a church-run charity? You really do need to get away from this man. You need all the help you can get, because what he's doing is not only abusive but illegal.

My uncle told me how much he wants in September.... A LOT I'll be lucky if I can afford to go out to eat once this month...

My husband says now he doesnt want arguments and to just pay it...

My husband also used to be in assisted living and between constantly caring for him because he has numerious medical needs, financial burden because he gets zero money and I get only SSI and the fact he doesnt give me any space and follows me from room to room and I have to take him with me everywhere because he says he has to protect me...

Im considering hoping on a bus and leaving my uncle AND my husband, but my family always sides with my uncle, where would I go?

Did I mention that I married him 5 years ago because he believed that it would help him get his Green Card and then he would easily get Social Security because of his disabilities? It took years to get his card because he used aliases on official paper and his health concerns and now they dont want to give him SSI because hes foreign... Ive found messages to another woman suggesting hes planning on ditching me once he gets his money.

There, I admitted it and I'm in a huge mess...

Christ this is a bad situation, thoughts are prayers are with you. I am speechless at this thread but DO NOT TAKE THE CAR, I REPEAT DO NOT TAKE THE CAR. I just want echo that in this thread, grand theft auto is a nasty charge and I see that ending very badly with as manipulative as this man sounds, I wish I could be of more help but I am not so good in the offering support department.

Bloody hell. You know, Agnix, you have a habit of saying you are going to do something that looks absolutely horrible without explaining exactly why you are doing it. About your uncle, about your husband. Knowing that your husband is having a relationship with another woman certainly puts the idea of leaving him in a different light from just leaving him because you can't afford to live together.

Why don't you just cancel anything that is in your name and then just get out. Seriously. Nobody needs this s**t in their life.

Well, I try to think the best of him and trust me they did a huge investigation on him when he got that green card including fingerprinting and he had explanations as to why he wrote his name different sometimes... But he basically was messaging a Cuban woman (he is too) in Florida and was making plans of getting there somehow and he apologized about that and it happened when we were going through a rough spot... Hes not abusive but his clingyness... Ghaw!

I am getting some confusing messages too... Like another paper I found was him trying to fill out an application to get just me and my husband an apartment and he said again when I asked him if I got an out of state job he would do everything in his power to make sure we moved okay, he would give me the car title and stuff.... So he's ripping me off while im here but wants us to leave???

I really, really cant figure out his intentions...

Stop giving him money first of all...he obviously is not responsible and is just ripping you guys off. I mean is there any reason you and your husband can't just get the bills in your name and pay them yourselves? Your uncle has shown pretty clearly that he is not to be trusted with paying the bills when you give him money.

I'd say you guys should kick him out, if he's not on the lease...of if the lease is in his name, look into moving somewhere else.