Can I blame my mother?

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I feel like my mother has sabotaged my life in so many ways. She's always been a control freak with pretty much everyone in her life and she doesn't see how her actions make others want to get away from her unless they are her closest friends. Even her husbands get exasperated with her and she's gone through four marriages in her life. Even when I was a child, she was constantly telling me "Don't do this, don't do that!" and shaming me for various things because she was overly concerned about appearances instead of letting me discover my passions and expand my knowledge.

I can certainly sympathise with you as I had a very manipulative mother. Of course I did not know that until years later when I went throught somerograms and I realized what my mother did. Blame her what though? How did she sabotage your life?

She sabotaged it by not letting me explore what I could've become in my developmental years and she stunted social opportunities by making me stay in the house and if we did go to any social events, it was only ones she wanted to go to. She's also always married men who are complete knuckleheads and they've tried to shove their views down my throat.

I also blame her for my lack of relationships. She didn't encourage me to interact with girls, didn't explain social skills regarding dating, and even told me I didn't need a girlfriend. Oddly, she thought I would have sex in college (I didn't even get a f*****g date in college and didn't graduate) and told me she would get me a vasestomy so I wouldn't get a girl pregnant. Even when her prediction didn't come true, she still pressed me about getting a vasectomy until I finally told her to stop. Another reason why she was so persistent about it is because she thinks condoms are worthless and women should always take birth control even though my siblings have gotten their wives pregnant out of wedlock because they willingly forsook taking the birth control pills.

Ok encouraging you to get a vasectomy is bad, essecially since its permanent. I hope for your sake you did not get one, and dont unless that is your choice. As for the other issues, those were choices she made that although may not have been the best things, mayne at the time she thought it was the best. And for not encouraging you to date..I dont know what she could have done on thaylt angle. In reality, no one really encourages their kids to date.

Vasectomies actually can be reversed but they are expensive. Fortunately I didn't get a vasectomy. It would be like giving a deaf man an iPod since I am locked out of sexual culture of any sort. She also wanted me to get one because she thinks I would be a terrible father but what if I did finally get a girlfriend (Though my hopes tend to be low) and not being fertile would be a deal breaker?

She's also married men who try to shove the joys of country music down my throat and it drives my absolutely bonkers.

The answer to your question is yes, of course you can blame your Mother. A better question though would be does blaming your Mother help?

Sure you can blame her.

But the moment I realised the best thing for me was to be my own mother and to be the one who best addressed my own needs and provided myself with the love and security and unconditional understanding I was always looking for in her was the moment my life started to get a lot better.

My thoughts exactly. If blaming her in your head makes you feel better then sure, do it. But if it doesn't make you feel better or change anything then there's really no point, is there? It would be better to focus on the ways to make sure she doesn't ruin anything from now on than to dwell on the past.

I echo the above. Blame is useless.

Instead, try to understand the effect your mother’s “mistakes” had on you....and move on from there.

Acknowledging is good. Blame tends to keep people down.

Yes, sure, go ahead and blame your mother. That way you never have to take responsibility for changing your situation.

I have every sympathy with the "blame your mother" thing, but everyone's experience is different. I agree with the approach that your mother may have spoiled your past, don't let her spoil your future... but it's not always as easy as that. And it's not always easy to get a grip of yourself and take some responsibility. I can do that quite easily now, but there have been times in the past when I've been useless and easily led by family members.

Again throwing a tantrum despite claiming to be 63. Do you really think I am ever going to see you as an ally especially after you threw a fit just because I have my own observations instead of being a robot like yourself and sided with my ex-friend without knowing her true behavior?

I think you're missing the point. She is not throwing a tantrum, she is simply stating that you are an adult and for now have to take ownership of your behaviors and actions regardless of what your mother did in the past. I am struggling with many things that happenes in my childhood, dealing with PTSD l, high anxiety, etc. It doenst matter what had happened or why other than try to change my behavior that hurts and hinders my development as a result. Right now, that is what you focus on.
Want to star focusing in socializing, this is a good start, try group therapy, maybe meds to deal witg anxiety. Use social groups to interact with other people, etc.
Change begins with you

You haven't seen her other posts towards me. She threw a tantrum at me in another thread because she couldn't handle that I have a different view.

I've been trying to get new medication and I was supposed to have an appointment this week but it turns out my doctor's assistant made a mistake about my medical insurance not being accepted by the clinic and didn't officially schedule my appointment. I do go out but my attempts to make friends as well as get a girlfriend have been unproductive.

I never threw a tantrum. You were globalizing that women had much better advancement and preference in work situations, based on the fact that you haven't had a raise in a number of years. That post also had something to do with your sad lot of not having a girlfriend. I observed that women have MANY hindrances in their careers, and that I could see how, with that anti-woman sentiment, you would have trouble getting a girlfriend.

That's not throwing a tantrum. I think throwing a tantrum is something YOU do. It's called projection: finding fault in another for things that you yourself do, usually to a much greater extent than the other person.

You need more than the right medication. You need talk therapy to explore how your beliefs and attitudes are holding you back.

First of all, you are being reported for accusing me of being anti-woman.

I was just talking about the culture I live in, not the entire world, genius. Thanks for proving my point you aren't mentally the age you claim to be.

You are indeed throwing a tantrum. You are making wrongful assumptions about my posts and jumping to conclusions.