I feel like Asperger's makes me a bad person

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Underneath I am naturally a kind, caring, thoughtful person with high empathy levels, and these traits do show without having to make an effort. But before I went on Sertraline, I seemed to be an awful person towards my family. I was angry and often took it out on my mum by yelling and arguing, about things that made me anxious but were beyond anyone's control (I've never been physically aggressive, thank God). But I feel like this behaviour isn't me, it's the Asperger's. So when people say "Asperger's is who I am", that is not true for me. To me, Asperger's isn't who I am, but it's something that I have got. This is why I hate Asperger's so much. I feel like it's made me a bad person in the past, with my tantrums as a kid and outbursts as an adult. It really wasn't fair on my mum. So now I have to pay £8 each month for my Sertraline, to keep the bad things Asperger's makes me do under control.
This is why I hate having Asperger's.

I don’t agree that Asperger’s makes you a bad person—full stop.

asperger's doesnt make u do anything. u mean meltdowns? they can be mitigated or prevented alltogather with right approach. there is no evil voice in ur head. its physiology. special needs u need to attend to. like an overclocked computer needs more cooling to work, an autistic brain needs careful regulation. and its not about pills, its about discipline. yes, everybody can fail, some meltdowns cant be avoided. its not ONLY about autism. everybody can have a neural break, we are just much more prone for it. hating ur neural build is well, the same thing as hating ur gender or race. some could say "being allistic makes me (for example be an unsensitive a**hole, who bullies people for deficient social skills)". sounds wrong, does it? and u know what, if u have this sense of toxic shame, maybe there is somebody, who actually feeds it? makes u believe u are bad? inflicts this blame? think about it. it might not be u doing terrible things. it might be somebody doing terrible thing to u - making u believe u are a monster, when there actually is nothing wrong with u in the first place. do some introspection. watch the situations. check out those. i'll wait, and pray im wrong, because i think i know what's going on.
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recoveri ... tic-abuse/
https://medium.com/@sheaemmafett/10-thi ... 234cb5e407
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recoveri ... tic-abuse/

Yes. If it did make you a bad person, everyone with Aspergers would be a bad person.

I knew someone would say that.

It's just the way I used to lose control of my emotions and upset my loved ones, and I don't think I would behave like that if I didn't have an ASD. I did do counselling and CBT but it didn't work, the only thing that worked was Sertraline. So it looks like I'll have to stay on it for the rest of my life, to keep me the nice person that I'm supposed to be.

im not sure if this is linked to aspergers or not, but while im usually a good person, yesterday i lost a few friends due to some negative things which i wasnt deliberately saying/doing. so i know the feeling.

To me you sound more like a weak person than a bad person... I mean a bad person wouldn't care about making her family upset and wouldn't use money on meds just so that they wouldn't upset others. So, "weak" is closer to the truth since you need meds to control yourself, but don't feel too bad about that. Everyone has their weaknesses. If you don't like taking the meds, you can try to drop them at some point and check if you could already control yourself without them. If not, start them again. Taking medicine that you actually need is not something to be ashamed of.

Besides, people who never upset other people are rare, they are the odd ones. It's normal to put heads with people, it's normal that people's feelings get hurt. It's not a good thing, but it's normal and it happens with just NTs, too.

ya the only way to never upset anybody is just have totally zero communication, ever. the question is how u make up with them/for them)

Naw, I've tried that. Many people get upset if you don't pay any attention to them... it's just that you don't have to see it if you're not there.

i was exactly trying to say, that its a bad idea)
conflicts happen, and have to be resolved. its just a part of any personal relationship.
as natural as day-night cycle, for example)

Good answer.

If you were a bad person, you would feel justified in your behaviors, rather than seeking to get better.

i agree with this.

Ditto.

Me too

Quote:

Hi Joey. So according to the circular reasoning in your message, being autistic made you behave in certain ways and now the only way you can not behave in these ways is by taking a certain medication, (which I strongly advise you NOT to take, especially if there is a chance you may become pregnant), which medication you will have to take the rest of your life to keep you from yelling at your mother? An inquiring mind wants to know. Did not spend much time on researching Sertraline (Zoloft), but here are some links, the last one warning against sudden withdrawal.

https://safebirthproject.com/zoloft-and-pregnancy/

https://www.drugdangers.com/ssri/zoloft/

https://www.abclawcenters.com/blog/2013 ... an-132366/

You may like them, but to me most of the responses to your message were extremely disappointing and many out and out enabling with the probably end result of weakening rather than strengthening you as a person. This does not mean the people who made these messages are not good people, but, in my opinion, a lot of these messages were not so good, and of course, this is my own opinion and others may disagree.

Yeah you're not a bad person because you (apparently inappropriately, according to you) expressed anger , but it may have been and sounds like it was bad behavior. Yes, you are not exactly your behavior, but the way you behave does express something about yourself. Secondly, there is no real evidence you have given, and I do not believe you really have any, that the way you behaved had anything to do with being autistic; thirdly, because you are so young, this behavior may be something you have in some ways outgrown or are still outgrowing, and fourthly, there is also no evidence that taking a drug that has seemingly altered your behavior is something you will need to do for the rest of your life.

I do think you made a good post, as it is wonderful grist for the mill of inquiry, and that you have some kind of special quality for making these posts that really do help people sort out certain difficult things that have gotten kind of jumbled up together., as your messages really make me stop and think. .