Housing - What To Do?

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I'm really stuck, decision-wise. I can't remain in this apt for health reasons, but I have that documented and I'm free to go. But go where? These are my choices (all are studio apt) -

- studio apt, cement high-rise, the sort of thing I call "home", least rent, complete isolation, complete move.

- roommate set-up, mostly students, furnished. sharing bathroom, semi-move (leave stuff behind, sob)

- senior apts with assistance - takes most of my salary but absolves me of any responsibility, maybe they would just whisk me away if I decide which one. Move - bring me, cat, and cat-tree.

The easiest would be the best. I am so exhausted, it's unreasonable. Rather than decide, I go back to sleep.

One of the factors is French/English - I'd prefer E for the rest of my life, but the F ones can be cheaper.

The biggest factor is 'cat-friendly' - the senior apts are ok, rooms and apts are maybe.

What should I do, given my exhaustion?

I think the seniors type of place sounds best. Worry free. Being alone can be enjoyable, but isn’t good in the long run I think.

I lived in a 55+ building for a while. It was okay, a little depressing when ambulances came and picked up the dead a couple times a month (sorry, dark humor there) but otherwise OK. Lots of rules, I thought. Does the 55+ building "with assistance" include your meals? If it takes most of your income, it would have to, I think.

When I lived in that building, I enjoyed working jigsaw puzzles they had in a hallway. Once in a while there were free concerts. There were services such as a social worker, a bank, a little store, stuff like that which made living easier.

Where I live now, I can do a little container gardening plus my two cats are welcome (they were in the 55+ building too). It's a condo though, not an apartment. Anyway I like my home now a lot. I have a wonderful roommate (my husband).

Some of the 55+ buildings have heated pools, fitness centers, Wii games you can check out, and many have libraries.

I know what you mean about fatigue preventing a decision. Can you get together with a doctor or therapist you trust and ask them to discuss and help make a decision? Indecisiveness has been a problem for me and I don't know whether that's from autism or depression. Sometimes, asking someone to help me make a choice has made it easier.

I wonder - here's an idea - what do you think?
These senior apartments will allow a brief stay, say, a week.
How about I just take cat and stay in a senior home for a week?

I would find out about all the little details, like food. Or would they have
a special experience for brief stayers?

Bea, I stayed for 2 years in a senior residence. Best reputation in the city.
They claimed that nobody had ever moved out. Well, I ruined that.

Here's one thing - the rules - I was never told the rules, because that's
a chat thing with tenant standing and I was in too much pain. So I never
heard the rules.

One of them was that we were not allowed entering each others' apartments.
That was a *big* no-no. But I didn't know that. I thought my first social
gesture would be invite somebody for coffee.

Here's something I'd like your opinion on - the result of that was that all activites
(even coffee klatches) were attended in large rooms with large numbers of people,
with cameras everywhere. Some of the residents were just plain nuts. They had
wars with factions. It was awful.

And the first thing they did was discover that I am bookish. So when I went to the
coffee-klatch (a 12' long table, sitting one side only for the camera), they invited a
real egg-head for me. This would have been great but he was so sick, his skin was
the colour of mustard, and he looked so deathly I couldn't look at him. Then they
planted him in the library and I couldn't talk to him. Stressful? You betcha. Also how
did they know I was going to the library, in time to sit him there before me? The cameras.
The *control* was too much, although they proclaimed absolute freedom.

Add to all this my panic attacks at being so closely observed. I need to sit alone with
the potted plants, invisible to all, if you know what I mean.

Bea - you had a roommate, y/n? Somebody to go with you. Ah I shoulda got married.
I was alone and being bounced around like a ping-pong ball.

Thank you for reading - and no problem if you didn't - its so good to speak of this. Please
let me know what you think.

Here I am again. If I'm going to a residence, there's something I must tell them - I'm face-blind. I do not recognize any face. So I seem rather haughty, people have said. I use other things to recognize people, like the mustard-yellow man - no problem. Somebody really skinny with bright red hair - no problem. Anybody that always carries an odd cane.

But they assign people to the tenant. The "floor-mother" - maybe that was in the rules. She was supposed to be my go-to person but (a)I didn't know that, and (b) I couldn't recognize her. She expected me to greet her - I failed. They re-routed her mail to my mail-box so I would have to go knock on her door. It got paranoid.

There was no such thing as casual chat, it was all rigged. Is being isolated better or worse?

Also I can't tolerate women a foot taller than me, with big voices (they assume everybody's hard of hearing). The whole thing comes across as authority.

All in all, I’d probably take the senior residence.

I can’t believe you can’t invite someone into your apartment in senior residences.

I hope you meet somebody who is inclined towards literature and hockey at the same time.

I would go to the seniors residence. It might be hard at first but maybe in time you will get used to it. I think it would be better than being alone.

Id' say keep the cat. BUtu ask to SEE the rules first. Not allowing residnet to visst eahc other's apartments is just wrong.

The place you were in sounds weird. In the building I was in, you could certainly go into each other's apartment. What kind of social life would you have if you couldn't?

It sounds to me more like a "home for deranged people with declining faculties" ... not sure the term I am looking for. The paternalistic rules seem "designed for the residents' own good." You definitely want to have a long conversation with a staff person or community manager about your prior experience, your own limitations (like the face-blindness), and your needs. And do it sitting down, for heaven's sake!

I was single when I moved into that 55+ community - and married when I moved out! I don't think it was necessary to have a roommate to be comfortable there. There were lots of single people and lots of married couples, too. If two people get along well, whether roommates or spouses, they are definitely stronger together. I think that building also had a parent/child roommate situation or two, also.

With meals provided, this place you are looking at sounds more like what we in the States called "assisted living." The place I lived in did not have meals provided; it was what we in the States call "Independent Living." The "Meals on Wheels" people came for some residents, but you had to pay for it. There was a full kitchen in each unit. Ask if you are allowed to cook in your unit. Some assisted living places forbid this, and do not provide the appliances. If some of the residents have dementia, this is a sensible precaution against fire. Forgetting to turn off a burner is one of the common problems people with dementia have. But I would very much dislike living like that, unless perhaps I was already demented myself.

Assigning me a resident "buddy" or routing my mail through someone else would bother me a lot. Be sure to ask about that.

I think taking the free week is probably a good idea, unless you are someone who takes a while to settle into a place and would therefore lose a lot of sleep.

Good luck with your research and decision making. People here at WrongPlanet will do our best to advise and support you. (((Claradoon)))

The rules and conditions of the lease should be available in writing. You might want to have someone else read it also and discuss it.
A week's stay to check it out could be worthwhile. You could also quiz other residents about what they like and don't like.
Making decisions like this is tough, but I think you're on the right track.

I chose one and phoned them. They are cagey. After all those questions, she said, "We don't have anything available right now." She already booked an appointment for me to visit!

The bad res. had the lease form approved by the Gov't, which we all recognize and muse use. It is on moving day that they tell you about the house rules.

Anyway, I found out that lunch & dinner daily would be $675 extra, which would be ok.

I never figured I would be up against waiting lists! So I'll start calling all of them tomorrow.

You know what? In 18 months, when I turn 70, the Gov't subsidizes the rent & food. I'm too young!

Can you move at any time or do you have to wait until July 1st?