I thought it was going well...

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I recently developed feelings for a guy my age who I don't know super well. He doesn't go to my school right now, but I did go to elementary school with him. I only found out about him through my old elementary school yearbooks. Having the curious mind that I have, I decided to follow him on social media. I looked through some more recent pictures of him and thought he seemed interesting, which is how I developed my feelings for him.

Last weekend, I had a short conversation with him using social media. I really liked talking with him and I hoped I would be able to do it again.

Unfortunately, our communication has seemingly halted. Last week, there was an all-week religious event in my area that my crush participated in. I sent him something around this time and waited for a response. I understood the circumstances surrounding the religious event, so I was more patient than usual.

But now it's been a week since I've been able to talk with him. My patience is starting to run out and I'm concerned about him. Did something happen to him or his phone? Is he just extra busy? My anxiety has become worse and I don't really know what to do. Should I move on with my life? Should I simply wait things out?

All I would like right now is a bit of support. I don't want to make this an issue of religion or something not relevant to the situation at hand.

Thank you very much.

He might just be busy, but it might be more and he's just not willing to be forthcoming.

Personally, I wouldn't give up entirely, but I'd be more careful about further investment until you see more reciprocation.

Now I'm actually worried that I did something wrong...

It's possible, does he have ASD as well? If so it's also possible that he feels he's done something wrong, or is worried about if his routines being interrupted.

Are you religious/his religion? If not that might also be a pressure, (and if true the previous might be a multiplier on it, i've not dated girls i should have because i was worried about introducing them at home even without religion being an issue)

I don't think this person is autistic, but that's certainly a possibility.


This is my main concern in terms of if I did something wrong. He's a Christian and I'm an atheist. I was already worried from the start that he might shun or reject me for not following his religion or even implying that I don't follow it.

It's better to be honest about who you are from the start. That way you don't find out you're incompatible further down the line when you're deeper in the feelings.

Being honest isn't something you've "done wrong".

Even if you find out things aren't going to work out, you've still left your comfort zone and gotten to know someone and that experience can help you with the next person.

However, he may just be busy. Maybe he's got a lot of responsibilities with this event. Did he have to do any organising for example? Was he delegated to have a task to do at the event etc.

You could ask him how it went and if he enjoyed it? Ask what he found the most enjoyable at the event by, rather than ask a question he can only answer yes or no to? Then you get a conversion going.

If he doesn't respond for another week, it's probably best to let it go. No point chasing when there's plenty of fish on the sea.

All the best.

You didn't do anything wrong. If you two aren't compatible, that is life. You are young and have a lot of living ahead of you and there will be more people, perhaps much more compatible people down the road of life. You will survive, the pain will pass with time. I'm sorry things didn't work out like you would have liked.

Him worry about having done something wrong would be more an anxiety thing, but how many of us don't have that alongside ASD?

Honestly, if you're incompatible on religious grounds you probably each deserve someone more compatible in that regards. Hopefully where you're located is reasonably diverse in terms of mindsets on that topic. I don't think there's anyone I would tell to fake it to fit in, not on that issue and especially not for folks like us because it will chafe every time you do it.

Thanks for your replies. I think the best thing to do at this point is to let him go. I think that maybe we're just incompatible, especially in terms of religion. (I did try to avoid the subject, though.)

Oh well. I did try my best.

Unfortunately, religion is a big one for many and can be a deal breaker, but it wholly depends on the individual.

I guess I'll never know...

Well, I hope next time you develop feelings for someone they reciprocate those feelings back and a relationship blossoms. Most of us here know what you're going through and it really sucks when things don't work out how we would like. You could try starting up another conversation with him, but if he doesn't reciprocate, it's not a good sign.

I don't know. I find it hard to believe that religion is driving this. We have been locked down in coronavirus. Most Christian religious services have been locked down. If he was gone on some type of religious retreat perhaps but religious retreats are probably not happening during these times.

It is quite possible that even though you have a crush on him, he may not know this and feel that you are just someone he knew from elementary school and perhaps didn't even remember you. He may not even know you want to be friends or more than friends.

Jimmy has some good point's. How well do you know this guy? Do you know what sort of topics he might be interested in talking about? It may be possible to slowly build a rapport with him over time.

*sigh* I think I should just forget about this...

It's not easy getting out of one's comfort zone.