scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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5

Fairly well.

If a potential partner lives 51 miles away, the only thing I'll be thinking is "51 is more than 50".

0 ---

-5

Feel like crying and I'm so worried about Cambridge uni.

I can't find the pattern post board - I got 2442 posts!
So I'm a 4

2 So,so.

9
I love my mom's cooking. It's soooooooooooo much better then the hospital food!

-9 because I feel worthless and hopeless again. I am wondering if people with mental illness like myself have a future or is it just homelessness or a very low paying job. I have everything in the DSM so I have a huge amount of odds stacked against me. Almost all the stories I hear with people especially with something like autism and schizophrenia like myself are negative. I am also not that bright so that is against me as well. I have an IQ of -50. Not postive 50 but so low it can't really be measured. I can't figure simple things out. I also can't trust people I know. They always cancel things on me like I had a massage planned for today and have been looking forward for it for 2 weeks and something like usual came up. Then my art class which is my favorite one was canceled as well so I was just stuck at home not being busy but am very bored. I just am posting on this site and others and that is all I did today. And to make things worse, I have to worry about everyone's health in my family. My dad has a bad shoulder. I am afraid he might need surgery. He has work. If he misses too much work, he might get fired over this. My mom is no better. Her back is bad and the last time she had a major surgery she nearly died. I even have medical problems right now. I have been having bronchitis for around a month and it isn't going away. Then, I found out that I might have a tumor on my brain! This was caused by my anti psychotic medication. At least it is benign and not malignant. That is good news. I also have bad sinuses that I don't have much information about. I don't have any symptom of a sinus infection but apparently it is there. "moderate to severe" is what they called it. I am also having a fear that my dad will retire soon. That means instead of being well off (my dad makes over $100,000 because of stocks and stuff. In 2000 when Intel stock was at $140 a share we made around half a million dollars! That is the year that we had 2 expensive vacations, we moved to a huge house, bought 2 brand new cars and paid it all off right away, and everything was great!) we will be POOR as hell. I am talking about moving to a dump, not being able to afford simple things like good food, NEVER going on a vacation again, just being stuck at home with nothing to look forward to EVER! Where in the hell is the money going to come from? Nowhere. The only hope I have right now is I have a failed business that I want to take off. I put my many designs on T-shirts and many other items. I am talking about hundreds of designs! I am a wildlife artist and oh yeah, did I mention that Arts Walk that I have been looking forward to for YEARS was a complete failure? I am serious here. People looked at the artist in the building I was in but totally blew me off. They hated me and were in on the plot to make me feel depressed. I was doing so well. They just ignored me like they didn't care about my art at all! I am talking around 90% of the people looked at the other art and walked away from mine. Are they blind and dumb? Or are they jerks? My brother will make hundreds of thousands of dollars and I will just make a PATHETIC $600 a month being unemployed. That is all for now.

-9 I feel like crap I keep thinking about all the girls that I don't have b/c I've messed up in the past and how one little thing could have made it all different and why I'm alone now and even the girls I talk to don't really seem to like me they talk to me sure but never hang out or anything just alone and depressed gotta do a speech on monday and tests and life and soon the semester will be over and I'll never see some of these girls again and just wonder why and how I messed up and add them to the never was pile...

2

Nerves are shot to hell.

0 just neutral... my muscles are shot to hell today, think the disease is progressing rapidly again, my muscle tone is dropping more....

hmm will i loose my arm control soon?

_________________
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When in doubt, ask an autistic. Chances are, they're obsessed with what you need to know.

Autism Speaks will NEVER speak for me

CLASSIC AUTISM

5

Feeling better. I thought there was going to be a fight this morning. Things have calmed down now. I've got to get ready for class in a few minutes.

Geez, that sucks Strapples.

5. The side effects are almost gone, now that I haven't taken Haldol for like 2 days.

7.875 not bad today.