10 Jan 2012, 12:10 pm
Okay, I've read through this thread. I have battled depression and anxiety my whole (childhood and all) life. I completely understand what it's like to have no "happy" point from the past; that's what happens when all you can remember is stress, depression, and anxiety (whether from external environment or your own innate oversensitivity). Here's what I have to say.
To the stressed-from-depression mind, all you advice-givers are saying words. Words that have no meaning. There's no way to do "the work" if you don't define what "the work" is or give concrete examples.
There's no way to change one's thoughts based on what any of you have written here. This is what I find so mind-boggling about therapy, it never offered solutions, only coping techniques. "There, there. Yes, your life does suck but you don't have to see it that way. Just really, really, really lower your standards. Or accept that this is the best you are capable of. But try to get better. No, we're not going to define what that means." 
Okay, so I'm being a bit tongue-in-cheek, but as helpful as you all have tried to be, it comes across as somewhat insensitive (to me). Sweetleaf, I think you need serious help, and I think you need to look elsewhere (other than here) for it. I don't believe in enabling someone's helplessness, and most readers of my posts will tell you that I'm very blunt.
Only you will ever care enough about you to do something continuous to help yourself. That's how human beings are wired. We are self-preserving animals. Sometimes we have the luxury of being able to care about others and to allow others to care for us. Your primary duty, in the absence of that luxury, is to yourself.
Here's what I recommend. Get back on an antidepressant (or an antianxiety). Yes, you might have to take a few different ones to find one that works (I've been on over 20 different regimens, some before they even had SSRIs). No, you don't have to take them forever. Yes, the side effects can suck. It will give you (if you find the right one for the right amount of time) a context in which you can hopefully start to take positive actions with your life.
Next: find something to make your life purposeful. It doesn't matter what it is, it only matters that you assign value to it (and feel that value yourself).
Stop smoking dope. That's just the DUMBEST thing you can do for a depressed nervous system. Yes, I understand its appeal. But you're not doing yourself any favors.
Stop drinking alcohol. See above.
Commit to your own health: eating properly, sleeping properly, exercising a lot.
Your choices are 1) doing something (throwing everything you can at it, and hoping for a positive solution or at least a change), or 2) doing nothing, and staying the same or getting worse.
I wish you well.
Last edited by mv on 10 Jan 2012, 12:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
10 Jan 2012, 12:12 pm
10 Jan 2012, 12:18 pm
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
10 Jan 2012, 12:35 pm
To the stressed-from-depression mind, all you advice-givers are saying words. Words that have no meaning. There's no way to do "the work" if you don't define what "the work" is or give concrete examples.
There's no way to change one's thoughts based on what any of you have written here. This is what I find so mind-boggling about therapy, it never offered solutions, only coping techniques. "There, there. Yes, your life does suck but you don't have to see it that way. Just really, really, really lower your standards. Or accept that this is the best you are capable of. But try to get better. No, we're not going to define what that means."
Okay, so I'm being a bit tongue-in-cheek, but as helpful as you all have tried to be, it comes across as somewhat insensitive (to me). Sweetleaf, I think you need serious help, and I think you need to look elsewhere (other than here) for it. I don't believe in enabling someone's helplessness, and most readers of my posts will tell you that I'm very blunt.
My standards are pretty low if you pay attention to my last couple of posts......I don't expect things to get better and I see no reason to delude myself into beliving my life is awesome when its not. Also I don't know what you mean by enabaling anything.....I've just gotten to the point where I don't have the energy to keep trying. Why does that mean no one should try to be supportive? I just know the 'well if you can't help yourself everyone might as well just ignore you' mentality does not work very well on me. I mean I feel like people almost want me to improve for their benifit not because they think it would make me feel better.
Only you will ever care enough about you to do something continuous to help yourself. That's how human beings are wired. We are self-preserving animals. Sometimes we have the luxury of being able to care about others and to allow others to care for us. Your primary duty, in the absence of that luxury, is to yourself.
That is true......to an extent though I think it's important not to be totally self centered, at least for me it is.
Here's what I recommend. Get on an antidepressant. Yes, you might have to take a few different ones to find one that works. No, you don't have to take them forever. Yes, the side effects can suck. It will give you (if you find the right one for the right amount of time) a context in which you can hopefully start to take positive actions with your life.
Sorry I would prefer not to risk another repeat of what happened on prozac, the only psych med I've heard of that I can see me getting any benfit out of would be Xanax or if there is anything very simular. I've read up on other anti-depressants and based on their simularities to each other and how horribly prozac effected me its not a risk I'm willing to take. I suppose I could go to the doctor about my anxiety disorders and tone down the depression if I care to. Which is fine by me because I just want to leave the depression alone for now.
Next: find something to make your life purposeful. It doesn't matter what it is, it only matters that you assign value to it (and feel that value yourself).
I'm working on it, for a while I thought that purpose could be going to college and it did not really work out and I have not come up with another idea yet.
Stop smoking dope. That's just the DUMBEST thing you can do for a depressed nervous system. Yes, I understand its appeal. But you're not doing yourself any favors.
Well even if I should follow this advice I know I wont and at this point its because I am still convinced cannabis reduces the symptoms of all my mental crap better than anything else I've tried.
Stop drinking alcohol. See above.
I was considering quitting ciggerettes, and I am still making an effort to reduce my drinking and consistantly only drink on occasion....and I feel for both of these things the cannabis will prove helpful.
Commit to your own health: eating properly, sleeping properly, exercising a lot.
Your choices are 1) doing something (throwing everything you can at it, and hoping for a positive solution or at least a change), or 2) doing nothing, and staying the same or getting worse.
I wish you well.
And I wish it was simple to do those things, I mean it seems easy but the reality is at this point I really have no appetite/desire to eat most of the time so I have to force myself to eat its not typically something I enjoy much. Kinda hard to sleep when you have too much on your mind and that is usually the case and of course everyone knows if you're underweight and not getting enough sleep excercising a lot is probably at terrible idea. I will however continue making sure I get a moderate amount of walking most days...but yeah I'm not trying to be difficult but it would take a massive amount of motivation on my part to try and force myself to start eating right, sleeping properly and excercising a lot and I am just not sure I have that kind of motivation.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
10 Jan 2012, 12:41 pm
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
10 Jan 2012, 12:49 pm
You need to rid yourself of that manky comfort blanket (which is disease-ridden anyway) and look towards the road. If you take the road, brighter times will - eventually - come. Perhaps in a few years you'll be amazed at your progress. And that would be something to really be proud of.
Well then they should not concern themselves with helping me.....and should not go out of their way to make things worse for me like quite a few people have done in my life. I have some friends/family that are supportive and that at least makes me feel better, just being there I guess they would help if they had something to help with. But nothing any of them can do will really help at this point.
10 Jan 2012, 12:53 pm
10 Jan 2012, 1:01 pm
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
10 Jan 2012, 1:16 pm
10 Jan 2012, 1:44 pm
My point is that it's impossible to help people if they are (this doesn't just apply to you) so heavily entrenched in a mindset of not wanting to change or to improve. If that's how you feel then you're better off not asking for help in the first place as it's that that people find so irritating. It sounds like you just want people to comfort you and go "there, there" but that doesn't seem to work either.
As I keep saying: it's up to you, girl. You only have one life. Don't waste it; you're a nice looking gal and I'm very sure you'll make a nice, caring man very happy indeed one day. Try to put some effort into it being a life worth living and things can blossom from there. You don't have to do it right away, just think it over.
(And, yes, depending on what all your issues are it may be too much for people on this forum to handle. Have you visited the Psychforums and posted a few questions and see what they have to say?)
10 Jan 2012, 1:49 pm
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
10 Jan 2012, 2:33 pm
My point is that it's impossible to help people if they are (this doesn't just apply to you) so heavily entrenched in a mindset of not wanting to change or to improve. If that's how you feel then you're better off not asking for help in the first place as it's that that people find so irritating. It sounds like you just want people to comfort you and go "there, there" but that doesn't seem to work either.
As I keep saying: it's up to you, girl. You only have one life. Don't waste it; you're a nice looking gal and I'm very sure you'll make a nice, caring man very happy indeed one day. Try to put some effort into it being a life worth living and things can blossom from there. You don't have to do it right away, just think it over.
(And, yes, depending on what all your issues are it may be too much for people on this forum to handle. Have you visited the Psychforums and posted a few questions and see what they have to say?)
Yeah I get your point, that is why I try to be up front about the fact I am not nessisarly looking for help at this time. But yeah this is really just the best place I've found to discuss this kind of stuff. I actually was on psychforums and I ended up coming to the conclusion I was lucky if I got one response within 24 hours at least here I get some feed back. And I am open to suggestions so I don't mind people suggesting helpful things but I don't want them getting upset over me possibly not following their suggestion and then criticizing me for it.
I mean sometimes some suggestions are simply too hard, things I am not willing to do, and things that just seem way to overwhelming right now and that's just the way it is. Everyone here has the choice to read my haven posts or not to read them, I'm not bothered by the idea some people might avoid the threads I post here due to not knowing what to say, or just can't handle it.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
10 Jan 2012, 2:45 pm
10 Jan 2012, 2:47 pm
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
10 Jan 2012, 2:57 pm
10 Jan 2012, 3:32 pm
