I wrote this at home. my mind wandered into the past to a particular event, which it seems to do every few weeks, and I decided to do some "writing therapy". Felt close to tears at the end
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Dear Ms. B.
It has been my wish to apologise to you (for quite some time now) for actions I have committed in the past, that I consider to have been very wrong. I believe this is the right thing to do, as a responsible human being.
You may remember that in fifth form (the 3rd to last year of school), you asked me out after I suggested I wanted to go out with you, and I said no because I wanted to go out with your friend (at the time) Ms. D.H. as I thought I was in love with her and that because of that she would date me, and in spite of her having a boyfriend and not returning my feelings.
That action was one I have regretted my whole life. I strongly remember how you reacted when I said no, and the look on your face, as if the ground had given away beneath your feet and you had lost something precious to you. I cannot forget this, how much I hurt you.
If you consider this a trivial or silly matter to seek atonement over, I can understand, as it happened a long time ago, we were essentially children back then, and we have grown up and generally moved on from that time. And I do not seek to resurrect feelings or memories that for you are unpleasant and you would rather remain forgotten.
Yet I did hurt you, someone who gave to me an opportunity I have never had since: A chance at intimacy, with a woman I would soon fall in genuine love with (yes, I wrote that correctly), respect as a human being, and whom was willing to give me this chance despite my flaws.
As for why I did what I did, I know now that I have a condition called "Asperger's Syndrome", which is related to Autism, and that it explains my bizarre actions and ideas. What I thought was "feelings" for your friend was nothing of the sort. I have matured, and I now know myself better now, though I remain a socially awkward person with some feelings of inadequacy and few if any friends.
I am sorry. Had I that chance again I would take it with both hands for the wonderful thing it is.
May you live well and be happy.
With Goodwill,
Roland