Rants

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Taupey - thanks I like that name.
Right now tho I feel like crap, stressed, confused, holding my breath.
Fortunately I have learned enough that I have not had a melt down yet.

Go to my inspiration:
Pick your self up, dust yourself off and start all over again.
DAMN the torpedoes - full speed ahead

And a big thank you goes out to Doug and the Slugs:
"Cause there's no better glory
when it all gets hairy,
To be laughing in the mist of it all"

Help!

My body
is a sociopath.

It's trying to kill me.

Thank You. You are an Inspiration yourself, Sufi.

If I could take it all away and make you feel better Kaybee, I would. You're too sweet to be sick with a fever.

That's very kind of you.

i have annoyed the drive through bottle shop (liquor store) cashier this evening, and he looked at me as if he was a an incensed mandrill as i drove out from the driveway.

tammy came over so i got 4 stubbies (375 ml bottles) of beer and a butterscotch liquor for her to mix milk with.

anyway, as i was waiting for him to scan the bottles with his wand, i heard the "music" playing in the shop. it was atrocious, and i said ...

"christ they play mindless s**t on the radio these days! don't you think?"

and he said "nah mate. it's a cd of mine"

and all i could think of to say was "well thank god for that. sorry"

he glared at me in hostility as i drove away to the extent that i wanted to stop and get out of my car and return to him and tell him that i thought it was truly s**t music. but i drove on away.

yay for suppressing bad thoughts.

i'd love to punch you right in the face.
but failing that, phoning you up and telling you everything i feel about you will have to do.

So for Valentine's Day, my step dad bought me something I've wanted for years: a magic kit. It's an official Chriss Angel magic kit, and it's pretty damn awesome. I lost my old crap kit when our basement flooded. Needless to say, I was overjoyed to start playing with it. I started out with this trick will some foam balls and metal cups, then I did something where I put nails through a coin. It was really cool, and then I found the penetrating glass trick. I put a pencil through glass, and even my step dad was impressed; he knows all the tricks because his other step son from another relationship had a similar trick, but this one was new.

Then my brother came up, amazing at the trick and how the glass was unharmed. At first it was cute; he kept poking the glass to figure it out. Then things went south as he started freaking out and threw it at a wall. I heard a loud crack and went upstairs. Now my mom is downstairs babying him and I'm sulking in my room because the coolest trick I have is now in pieces. I didn't even get to show anyone formally! Call me a spoiled brat if you want, but I don't really care right now. So what if I am? I might as well have some nice crap to amuse myself with since everyone always freaking ignores me. But now I finally got something cool that I could do with everyone and he ruined it like he does everytime I get any attention!

Sounds like your describing my father.

what the hell am i supposed to do, I am homeless nobody is helping me, or very minimal anyway, I have explained my situation etc, I have been told to explain things, to the council etc but when i do explain it it all comes out wrong and the just shake their head and say their is nothing for me to do, I ask my dad see if he will go into the places, and speak for me as I struggle on what to say and how to say it, he is always going on about how much he wants to help me etc, but i ask him for help "oh I am busy" or if I ask if I can stay at his for a night or two "oh no their aint enough room, we keep arguing etc" all I want to do is kill him, just beat the living crap out of him, I am all ready on the verge of exploding, and having to go into crowded places makes me even worse, I am just f*****g sick to f*****g death of all the f*****g a***holes who say they are going to help you or is their job to help you and non of the f*****s do anything about it, getting fobed from one end to the other, my doctor hasn't f*****g helped, my family hasn't f*****g helped, they should all f*****g die I want to kill every last f*****g one of them I want to watch them all f*****g burn in hell.
all I want to do is jump off a f*****g bridge and kill myself, then they can get all hypocritical and stat sobbing telling each other how much more they should of helped out. I am f*****g raging, I am going to explode and do some damage some serious damage I can keep going like this I am going to f*****g blow up.

the worst thing about clouds is that they all have a silver lining.
that is the reason that clouds all come crashing into the ground.

i feel a (stupid unfinished and unpolished) song coming on.....

what does the silver lining protect
but for worthless mist?

would a silver lining ever line the shroud
of my mystified exist.......ence

am i as important as a cloud?
or is that question not allowed?

is my life just not endowed
with the spices of the crowd?

i scream as a cloud aloud...

"so with persistence!! !"
"maybe i can steal away His grey
idea of me today",

as i float through the sky in his heart.

and he can line me with silver
as he does with his other clouds,
before they fall toward the ground,
too heavy to float....
with such a coating of magnificence.

tra la la, la bloody-- la

matresses are extremely well thought out.

Edit to nothing because I'm being a big crybaby.

I don't see why theres not a way to kill yourself that ensures 100% success, every time. If you live after a suicide attempt you can be brain damaged or worse.

There really is no easy way out. I'd be pleased if someone just took a gun to my head without having a choice about it.

you are very much like sonia. she has borderline personality disorder and she also has biploar disorder.

she sees things in a very uncharitable way when she is in a mania of depression.


sonia takes seroquel, and solian. it is necessary for her to remain quiet enough to listen to others.

it is sad that you have no anchor points to moor your soul upon.

i hope you do not try to kill yourself with any success. i like you from far away, and my liking of you would be lost if you ceased to be.
i do not want a response please.


i just want to read what you have to say into perpetuity.

whatever i am off to bed now

Did you read that PM I sent you?

This site is bad for me. That woman has really REALLY UPSET and ANGERED me. Yeah, I can deal with a slap in the face when its the truth, but not a twisted bunch of lies.