Rants

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STOP SNORING!! !!

these days it feels like to get anywhere in life and be successful/happy/satisfied in all of life's dreams, i have to face the fact that society is pointing a f*****g gun to my head at all times and i best submit to them and their demands, their desires, their expectations, and not do or say anything but that.

society doesnt give a flying f**k about individuality, its all about being as shallow, clueless, ignorant , arrogant, and closeminded to fulfill the status quo. and you have a list of things that you must have completed by a certain age at a certain time with a certain price tag or certain amount of effort put in to be granted such things and if you don't, you are a f*****g loser and you are only to blame for your problems as no one else gives a f**k to help you until its too f*****g late. so conform, shut the f**k up, and never fall out of line. ever. f*****g BS.

I feel that no one I know will ever take me serious in the fact my brain is wired different. I have been told I'm wrong so many times, I actually doubt myself. I wonder if I'm just crazy. I know this is irrational, but it's how I feel right now.

i can totally relate to that twolf.

ive known about my conditions for over two years now, but sometimes i feel like im still coming to terms with them - the past three years has been hands down the worst years of my life - while the three years before that were my golden, happy years. the longer i live the more detached i feel from everything. im not exactly sure why - i cannot fathom another 50-60 years of this hell.

to escape the overwhelming and debilitating social anxiety, i had to stand up and exit the room today in front of friends and family while we were all gathered around a board game. talk about painful

Okay, so...
I was supposed to meet my parents today in a town halfway between theirs and mine-
mom asked me a week ago.
Originally our rendezvous was planned for Saturday, then she changed it to today, so I said okay.
We were gonna to the mall, and do all this stuff that she really enjoys, and I was willing to tag along to make her happy-
I enjoy seeing her, too.

I stayed up way later than I should have curling my hair last night so I'd look nice
(and to a greater or lesser extent, so my mom wouldn't flip out over my non-processed hair being [to her] an obvious sign of my dysfunction).
I planned a nice-looking outfit (for a hippie) put my hair up in a nice barrette,
and was literally THREE FEET FROM THE DOOR when my dad called-

my mom had a headache, which I know isn't her fault,
but the entire day was called off.

None of this whining would amount to much,
except I'm on a s**t ton of meds that basically make me feel like an old person about to die-
every breath hurts, and going to all that crap to be presentable was basically the equivalent of me running a very wheezy marathon.
My hands were shaking, my chest heaving, and the floor started to come up to meet me several times.
Add to this that this would be my first face-to-face social interaction in forever and I was absolutely crushed.

I was so stunned I just started crying-
my aggressively-indifferent fat tom cat even came to sit by me, and let me cry into his fur.
I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go,
and no one to meet there.

Thanks for listening to my bitching, cyberspace.

there were eight black jelly beans in the packet i bought today.
they were eight inedible stowaways, but none the less for them i did pay.

what a day!

Some people just have it terrible.

oh wow, that sucks... why would your mom call "unprocessed hair" a sign of dysfunction? Lots of women wear plain hair and aren't "dysfunctional".

It sounds like she really doesn't care about you as a person anymore... I'm sorry if that sounds kind of harsh, but it's true. If she really wanted a chance to spend an afternoon with you, she wouldn't mind what state your hair was in, and she wouldn't let a headache get in the way of all that, especially if she knew how hard it was for you to get ready like that.

I'm sorry to hear that she put you through all of that, and I hope you feel better soon...

yes it was a seriously frustrating day. i just kept picking black ones out of the packet while i was driving, and i then put them back in the bag and scrummaged around for a different color but i kept getting black ones. then i started throwing the black ones out of the window, and i suddenly started to worry if any animals may be injured by accessing the jelly beans on the road and then i started to hate the "allans" company that makes the jelly beans because seriously, the flavor of black jelly beans is so different from the flavor of the other jelly beans, that i do not understand why there is no warning on the packet that the black ones are for more daring palates.

i was caught in the trap of throwing mine out the window for a few miles before i suddenly realized the danger to animals from me having done so. if i could buy a packet of jelly beans that were guaranteed to have no black ones in them, then i would pay a premium price.

the same can be said for pickles on mcdonalds hamburgers. everyone i know pulls them out and throws them away (including me). then there are little birds and mice etc that all run to address the pickles in the carpark and on the roads, and they are in danger of getting squashed.

black jelly beans are wedged in my head as one of the most unpleasant experiences i am forced to endure. i hate the taste and i hate seeing them in a bag i buy. every time i encounter a new black jelly bean in my packet, my internal pressure rises.

but i am not sure if you were genuine in your post, so i will leave my reply at this stage of development.

b*tch moan b*tch moan...im sick of having to keep people from rly knowing how they affect me. if they even do, im not really sure anymore.....................i think im becoming more and more robotic though it's not that i dont need to talk sometimes.......to one person..but it isn't really a safe place...it's just when it comes to getting down to the super nitty gritty, well that stuff stays safely protected behind my huge brick wall. maybe thats where it should stay anyway

What a tragic waste of pickles and black jelly beans. Black jelly beans are my absolute favorite. I eat them to the exclusion of all other jelly beans. Luckily for me, this preference is not common so when my friends are eating jelly beans they just hand the black ones to me. In turn, when I buy a bag of jelly beans I pick out all the black ones to eat and give the rest of the bag to friends. I hope my appreciation of black jelly beans does not become so rare that they stop manufacturing them. Although I suppose that would be a boon to you. You wouldn't have to throw them out the window anymore.

I also love pickles on hamburgers so much that I ask for extra pickles when I order a hamburger. I did not realize that people were flinging them away in digust. What a shame.

I guess I have the same food preferences as little animals.

errrrr..

good grief!! ! yuck!! ! aniseed is vile to my heart. i hate black jelly beans so much i may one day be on the news because of them.


that is a nice gesture i guess.






it is animals that i worry about, but i guess nothing but humans would be attracted to the smell of aniseed. it really is offensive to me.






i hate pickles because i hate the taste of vinegar because i do not like the taste of acids much.

there one goes and i have suddenly something else to deal with goodnight.

Seriously why is it so hard to find on campus housing that is not party central?!? I'm really aggravated that the only dorm on campus with quiet floors has to be one of the dorms that people are always screaming outside of! No other dorm has quiet floors or single rooms?!? Why does it feel like no one cares about people with AS? I just want one night where I don't hear my neighbors or drunk people screaming right underneath my window!! ! And its no use complaining to the staff, they just shrug it off and say to be more accommodating. By the way is it too much to ask that they leave me alone and don't drag me to another floor event???? I don't want to "bond" with others, I just want to decompress in my room for five minutes before it gets noisy again!! !! !! If you can't tell, I'm having a really bad day...

I'm still really pissed that someone here compared me to Hitler because I'm pro-choice and pro-prenatal testing. First of all, Hitler was anti-choice. Second of all, Hitler also liked Disney and had a mustache. Does that mean that Disney fans and people with mustaches are closet Nazis?

i just managed to get habanero pepper residue in my eye...

everyone always gets in my way.
no matter what type of day it is.
they get in my way

people are things i must not run over. i must never harm any hair on the head of a human lest i be thrust into explaining why.

good night i can not be bothered to contribute further.