scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-1

A little depressed and I'm not going to let it beat me. I can't allow myself to be depressed, not when mom needs someone to help her get through this.

Sorry, double post.

-5

I hate my job so much that I don't care if I'm late anymore. On the 17th, I will have worked there a year, but until then I have to keep praying for my self-degrading money slave status to stay, and butt kiss the people I deal with. As you would guess (what a shock.. not ), so and so lied about the timed stamp thing, again, and I asked the upset customer if he wanted a reciet, he said "yes" and left with it printing, and it pissed me off like hell, because I yelled four times "sir your reciet!" How is he not leaveing and ignoreing me to do the following?! (He did this twice now.)

a: teach me a lesson
b: To give me physical proof of my "wrong doing" to him.

I am sick of this #$%^! Not getting tired of it! Not trying to accept it, because it's not acceptable imo! I AM tired of it! Period!


In fact, there were people in the garage that were in ear shot this time, hearing me rant for a few minutes. See? I'm a freak show now! In fact one of them, I noticed suddenly said "And there you have it .." Said to his little buddy. Do I know who they are? No. The owners of the garage? I smile, do my job, and I just get $%^. I earned money. Whoo hoo mom! Whoo hoo! I never felt this stressed out before. Having the ability to get more material objects hasn't done #$% for my esteem!

Today was probably a +3, which is pretty neutral. Too much s**t on my mind to be very talkative.

1 MESSAGE TOO SHORT

+4. Kinda neutral. Kinda bored.

0.125

At least at the right side of the scale.

3. Awaiting a reply from the specialist. I might be getting a hormone cream to apply to the arm/neck. Can't help but wonder if lady hormones will end up rubbing off me and onto the furniture. What if males that sit on the furniture end up absorbing them and then they find themselves with an inexplicable desire to go shoe shopping?

Anyway I am just worrying too much, as I do. Sometimes I am amazed at my ability to dream up possible things that can go wrong in any situation.

Apart from that it is a nice day.. but it is getting cooler now, I feel the need for a new, autumn avatar.

0

I'm not depressed or anything but it's hard to feel good about myself with this headache!

+1 I'm sort of scared.

2

Insomnia has been getting the better of me lately. I also don't know if I will keep my job in the coming weeks.

-5 I have a severe toe infection and since my mom just had MRSA (she almost died from it) the docs think I might have it as well. They put me on the same antibiotics that they put my mom on. Hopefully it stops the infection from spreading. It's not just the big toe that hurts but my whole foot and it really hurts to walk. Its like I'm disabled at this moment. Then there is a liar named Greg that put my name on the show that I have been looking forward to ever since I've heard of it "Heroes for Autism" and he totally changed who is there and took my name off. He should burn in Hell unless he changes his mind. That is totally wrong to raise someone's hopes up so high and then to shoot them down, crashing and burning. That is what this jerk did to me. So now I look like a liar because we already mentioned it in the local paper because my name WAS originally on there, he's nothing but an a**hole. Anyways as you all say, Autism Speaks IS evil. That is who was putting on this show, which could have made me world famous. The reason why its not a -10 is my contact/agent is trying to get me into even a bigger show because of this mess. I'll believe it when I see it. I lost all trust in people. No one tells the truth. This "big" show is supposed to take place in New York. I've always wanted to go to New York as an adult. I think I was there when I was very young so I don't remember it. For our vacations usually we take cruises, but IF this New York show takes place, we would do that instead of a cruise. Its part of my career so its more important.

8.5
I just won an argument with my mind over whether or not it's irrational to feel guilty about not feeling emotions that one is incapable of feeling.
(Yes, it is irrational.)
(It was to do with whether or not I should feel bad about something that happened to one of my relatives.)

2. Feeling really down lately. I can't remember the last time I was 'up'. Heh.

Around 2 or 3, tired and going to bed - slightly
worried about the next appointment with the
shrink/doc to get a diagnosis - i just know they`re
gonna tie me to something and probe me from every
possible angle and direction .. they always do that..

Nah, kidding, a little stressed but i also look forward
to it in a way- its new but i want to do it even if its
a little hard and when its done, its done. I dont
have to think much about it after that compared to
now