scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Went from an ~ +8 to an ~-9 within 30 minutes...

I was doing really well up until an hour or so ago.
I dozed off for around 30 minute then woke up feeling lonely, a certain aching in my heart...
Lo and behold, my soon to be ex is on her cell phone with her old flame having a good old time in her room with the music almost drowning out their talking. The pain really hurts now, my heart is in my throat... I am stemming away, beating my chest with my left hand whiel listening to one song over and over... I will probally have to find something to put me to sleep tonight because I have been up for almost 36 hours straight now...

Besides, I do not kow how long I can take these roller coasters of emotions. A few more months then this divorce will be done.... Someone who I thought I was going to spend my life with and grow old together decides after 16 years that an old flame from over 20 years ago is worth more than what we have built together (married young)... Just crushes my heart...

Is it worth it... to love and then lost or is it better to not love at all?
I rather love though, even if it hurts.

She will be on the phone with her old flame while I am alone again, my heart in my throat... lonely and a deep aching within.

I guess 0 again. Fights and battles have begun-indeed.

So should I complain? Or just carry on playing this game of life? Who knows...Who cares????

Feeling a little better than usual, i just came back from the doc
i dids it! - i dragged myself there *proud*

And, he concured with my beliefe, i do have AS.
Just as the doc i went to before him said.

So I`m going back there on the other side of
easter and meeting him again + another
spesialist to do some final testing, and then
its done. But as i understood it, there were
no doubt among those who knows these things,
i do have AS. He said sometimes it needs more
time, talking and testing to be sure, but with my
case there was no doubt, he didnt see anything
pointing to me not having AS. And according to
him i have an incredible capacity for working,
he was very interested in that, what i did and
how much i worked, it wasn`t normal aparantly

Now i`m gonna make food and try to relax a
few hours, just be lazy

It was nice to talk with someone who works with
these things, and he was very good at making
himself clear and to the point. It was a good
experience.

^^ congrats guythatdidthat

I'm 1/2 at the moment feeling really pissed off and emotionally fragile, every little thing is irritating me and upsetting me at the moment.
I'm all over the bloody place.
Lady problems most probably

7!

I'm still confused, but some very wonderful things were said to me last night... SQUEEEEEEEE!! !! !! !

I think I'm in love!! !


... meh, maybe not yet. But I could see it getting there.


Now watch me be back to depressed tomorrow.

5, I'm not in a good mood or a bad mood, I'm just neutral

-2, Think I'm getting a cold...

-5, crying as I write this. I want to be held, but there's nobody who'd hold a monster like me. Tired of being treated like a guy, but I'm not in a position where I can change that.

- 7. Going through that giving up on life again feeling. What can you do???????

^
Please IwB, don't give up on live. Or enhance that feeling. I know you are a very good person. A noble one. Cannot imagine there is a single one here that doesn't like you, I wanna Blue. No doubt that's true, mate.

Please try not to focus on the negative too much. Focus on the things you love, those you love. Those others not in that category, whatever them. And please remember the good experiences you had in the past also. In sorrow we tend to forget them.

I believe it depends on one's perception, yeah, short through the corner and maybe you do not want to hear, but how one looks at things determines what one sees. Black glasses or shades make everything appear dark.

Plus don't forget that today was lousy maybe but tomorrow can be totally different. It doesn't stay the same all the time. One tends to forget that also a bit. Tomorrow's perception can be more cheerful or better than today's.

Hang in there, mate. Althou this is not actual real life but you have friends here. For sure. Hope a good night sleep will help a bit and you feel a bit better tomorrow.

C.

^
Thanks mate. I'll see how I feel in the morning.

-6 uh, everytime i try to do somthing, its always crush or F'ed up, im so tired i having this happen

0 tired, depressed, and hate my mom.

i'm getting really sick of her lying about her ever wanting to seeing me. she keeps telling me she's going to come over and then up comes an excuse as to why she can't make it. it's been almost a year now. might as well ignore her phone calls as well as her malicious lies.

Around 2
Tired, its 00:51 here but have gotten some stuff done today
and some things have changed the last months, the latest
years the pattern have been feeling ok for a while, then
feel really bad for a while, then ok for a while again and
so on. But now i have gone much longer then i can remember
without crashing and feeling really bad Had a bad crash
a while bak but after that something has been different.
And i have been thinking alot after i saw a shrink a few
days ago, he said a couple of things that was really helpful

3

Alright I guess. Got a game due tomorrow with my group but we are so unorganized and we never really worked together. Plus, our team leader had us working on one thing and then a random other. I'd be surprised if we get a decent grade but I really don't care to tell the truth. I can't wait for the next game project. I will be leader next time and under my guidance we'll make the best game the campus has ever produced!!

0 - Back to feeling like crap again, but I don't see the point of going into any detail. They're my own problems, and the rest of the world doesn't need to hear about them.