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Sweetleaf
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10 Jan 2012, 4:07 pm

blueroses wrote:
I hate being called a victim. I'm going to need to apply for Crime Victim's Compensation in order to get some medical bills paid for and it feels awful being labeled a "crime victim." I wish they'd call us "crime survivors" or something.


well I can understand why you would feel that way, I can see the other side of it to though.....I mean if the crime is such that it causes you to feel like you've kinda died a bit inside and that its not something that you'll be able to quite move on from like I've experianced I would say I would feel more like a victim then survivor. If its something not so extreme, then I would feel more like a survivor as I would get through it and probably realise I even learned something useful.


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blueroses
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10 Jan 2012, 4:16 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
blueroses wrote:
I hate being called a victim. I'm going to need to apply for Crime Victim's Compensation in order to get some medical bills paid for and it feels awful being labeled a "crime victim." I wish they'd call us "crime survivors" or something.


well I can understand why you would feel that way, I can see the other side of it to though.....I mean if the crime is such that it causes you to feel like you've kinda died a bit inside and that its not something that you'll be able to quite move on from like I've experianced I would say I would feel more like a victim then survivor. If its something not so extreme, then I would feel more like a survivor as I would get through it and probably realise I even learned something useful.


I do feel that way in some respects, but I think words have a lot of power and how you label something can frame the ultimate outcome. At least that's what I keep telling myself. We'll see ...



Sweetleaf
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10 Jan 2012, 4:24 pm

blueroses wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
blueroses wrote:
I hate being called a victim. I'm going to need to apply for Crime Victim's Compensation in order to get some medical bills paid for and it feels awful being labeled a "crime victim." I wish they'd call us "crime survivors" or something.


well I can understand why you would feel that way, I can see the other side of it to though.....I mean if the crime is such that it causes you to feel like you've kinda died a bit inside and that its not something that you'll be able to quite move on from like I've experianced I would say I would feel more like a victim then survivor. If its something not so extreme, then I would feel more like a survivor as I would get through it and probably realise I even learned something useful.


I do feel that way in some respects, but I think words have a lot of power and how you label something can frame the ultimate outcome. At least that's what I keep telling myself. We'll see ...


I guess for me I just feel like it would be dishonest for me to call myself a survivor.


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marshall
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10 Jan 2012, 5:24 pm

I think psychological trauma is real, but it don't think it's reason or justification for feeling miserable for the rest of your life. That's why using the word "survivor" rather than "victim" is preferable to people trying to recover. Words have emotional connotations besides their literal meaning. Victim might be literally accurate, but at the same time its not a very positive term emotionally. I don't think either term is a lie as one can be both a victim and a survivor. Survivor is simply a more preferable frame of reference.



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10 Jan 2012, 5:30 pm

marshall wrote:
I think psychological trauma is real, but it don't think it's reason or justification for feeling miserable for the rest of your life. That's why using the word "survivor" rather than "victim" is preferable to people trying to recover. Words have emotional connotations besides their literal meaning. Victim might be literally accurate, but at the same time its not a very positive term emotionally. I don't think either term is a lie as one can be both a victim and a survivor. Survivor is simply a more preferable frame of reference.


Well there you have it, I am not currently trying to recover because its too overwhelming and stressful right now, at the moment I am more concerned with just figuring out what I want to do with myself and I gotta think of something before the last of my money from college runs out. Otherwise my situation will be significantly worse my mental situation is already not so great so why do I want worse life situation to go with it.

I just don't like the term survivor for me when it comes to these matters because it seems fake since I don't actually feel that way about it...but I can understand why people do prefer that term.


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marshall
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10 Jan 2012, 5:45 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
marshall wrote:
I think psychological trauma is real, but it don't think it's reason or justification for feeling miserable for the rest of your life. That's why using the word "survivor" rather than "victim" is preferable to people trying to recover. Words have emotional connotations besides their literal meaning. Victim might be literally accurate, but at the same time its not a very positive term emotionally. I don't think either term is a lie as one can be both a victim and a survivor. Survivor is simply a more preferable frame of reference.


Well there you have it, I am not currently trying to recover because its too overwhelming and stressful right now, at the moment I am more concerned with just figuring out what I want to do with myself and I gotta think of something before the last of my money from college runs out. Otherwise my situation will be significantly worse my mental situation is already not so great so why do I want worse life situation to go with it.

I just don't like the term survivor for me when it comes to these matters because it seems fake since I don't actually feel that way about it...but I can understand why people do prefer that term.


Well, I think figuring out what to do with yourself can be seen as a recovery step. You're not giving yourself enough credit. You're being way too hard on yourself. You're currently at one of the worst points in life due to all the uncertainty in the future. It would be stressful even for someone without depression or PTSD you've been forced to deal with. I think even the smallest things should count as progress.



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10 Jan 2012, 5:57 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
I guess to put it bluntly I am kinda at the point where I feel like trying to recover, improve or get better seems far to overwhelming and stressfull and has proved to be far too tiring the times I have really tried.

So I guess I don't see what is so bad about just accepting whats wrong and coping with it, rather then pushing myself to make a bunch of self improvements I don't have the energy for. I mean that is just where my minds at, sorry if that offends anyone or whatever just trying to describe exactly whats going on.
Never mind then...



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10 Jan 2012, 6:23 pm

AceOfSpades wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I guess to put it bluntly I am kinda at the point where I feel like trying to recover, improve or get better seems far to overwhelming and stressfull and has proved to be far too tiring the times I have really tried.

So I guess I don't see what is so bad about just accepting whats wrong and coping with it, rather then pushing myself to make a bunch of self improvements I don't have the energy for. I mean that is just where my minds at, sorry if that offends anyone or whatever just trying to describe exactly whats going on.
Never mind then...


even after I try and explain this is honestly how I feel and that my intent is not to offend, someone has to go out of there way to criticize. sorry for feeling how I feel I guess.


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Sweetleaf
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10 Jan 2012, 6:25 pm

marshall wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
marshall wrote:
I think psychological trauma is real, but it don't think it's reason or justification for feeling miserable for the rest of your life. That's why using the word "survivor" rather than "victim" is preferable to people trying to recover. Words have emotional connotations besides their literal meaning. Victim might be literally accurate, but at the same time its not a very positive term emotionally. I don't think either term is a lie as one can be both a victim and a survivor. Survivor is simply a more preferable frame of reference.


Well there you have it, I am not currently trying to recover because its too overwhelming and stressful right now, at the moment I am more concerned with just figuring out what I want to do with myself and I gotta think of something before the last of my money from college runs out. Otherwise my situation will be significantly worse my mental situation is already not so great so why do I want worse life situation to go with it.

I just don't like the term survivor for me when it comes to these matters because it seems fake since I don't actually feel that way about it...but I can understand why people do prefer that term.


Well, I think figuring out what to do with yourself can be seen as a recovery step. You're not giving yourself enough credit. You're being way too hard on yourself. You're currently at one of the worst points in life due to all the uncertainty in the future. It would be stressful even for someone without depression or PTSD you've been forced to deal with. I think even the smallest things should count as progress.


Progress towards what.....death...I to me progress feels like a rather ridiciulous thing to focus on, since I seem to fail at it. Yeah I have to try and figure out something to do but I am not exactly confident I will find anything, nor that it will nessisarly be anything positive. I mean I would like to try and find a job I guess or if I find another creative option like some trade school or something if I find one in a field that intrests me but I'm not sure if I can get financial aid or anything for that at this point. But if I don't figure something out then its only a matter of time before my mom probably either straight up kicks me out or expects something impossible like rent out of me to stay there and kicks me out for that. Then I have friends houses I can go to but yeah I just feel like things are only probably going to get worse...so there is not much point in working towards progress just so I can see it all go to sh*t and be dissapointed yet again.


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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 10 Jan 2012, 6:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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10 Jan 2012, 6:28 pm

Life is progress towards death. That's the gist of it.



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10 Jan 2012, 7:12 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
even after I try and explain this is honestly how I feel and that my intent is not to offend, someone has to go out of there way to criticize. sorry for feeling how I feel I guess.


I think you're taking criticism of your thought process (which you surely must realize is severely skewed by your depression) as being directed against you as a whole.


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Sweetleaf
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10 Jan 2012, 7:23 pm

mds_02 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
even after I try and explain this is honestly how I feel and that my intent is not to offend, someone has to go out of there way to criticize. sorry for feeling how I feel I guess.


I think you're taking criticism of your thought process (which you surely must realize is severely skewed by your depression) as being directed against you as a whole.


And if people here know this about me they should not go out of there way to make unessisary comments like the one I responded to. what was wrong with just leaving it alone instead of having to post 'nevermind' like I did something wrong or something by posting that. they could have simply not posted anything if they had nothing to say and found it annoying or whatever.


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10 Jan 2012, 7:32 pm

Maybe people think that if they point it out enough it will, if not give you a new more positive outlook, at least cause you to stop blindly trusting your old negative instincts. Which won't fix things for you, but at least it's a start.

You should try to remember that the people posting in this thread are trying to help you. If you take offense at something someone says here, maybe you can consider the possibility that they are having a hard time finding the right thing to say rather than assuming that they are trying to cause you distress.


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Sweetleaf
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10 Jan 2012, 7:43 pm

mds_02 wrote:
Maybe people think that if they point it out enough it will, if not give you a new more positive outlook, at least cause you to stop blindly trusting your old negative instincts. Which won't fix things for you, but at least it's a start.

Well all it did was make me feel like when I was a kid and I would be legitamately upset about something and she'd just dismiss it as unessisary complaining most likely with a nasty glare to go with it. Why was it nessisary for someone to come buy and respond with 'nevermind' when I just freaking admited something about how I feel I am pretty ashamed to tel people.......I mean who wants to tell people they have given up on anything? Is it impossible for these things to be pointed out in a less negative manner?

You should try to remember that the people posting in this thread are trying to help you. If you take offense at something someone says here, maybe you can consider the possibility that they are having a hard time finding the right thing to say rather than assuming that they are trying to cause you distress.


I know that, also I do sometimes get a little too denfensive and take things personally so I don't know that I can prevent myself from taking offense to some things. I do try to understand people might not know quite what to say but what I was responding to did come off as kinda harsh and I'm not sure it was meant to be helpful or supportive in any way at all. It is also possible it was not meant that way and I took it personally I wont know unless they say what they meant by that.



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10 Jan 2012, 8:00 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
what I was responding to did come off as kinda harsh and I'm not sure it was meant to be helpful or supportive in any way at all. It is also possible it was not meant that way and I took it personally I wont know unless they say what they meant by that.


I'm sure it's not your intention either, but you've come across as a little harsh as well. I mean, you are misinterpreting the intentions of, and criticizing, people who (even if you think they are misguided) are taking time out of their day to try to help you. You do not have a monopoly on taking thing personally. Your criticisms cause the people they are directed at to feel badly too. When other people come into the thread, they see that, and automatically go on the defensive as well.


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Sweetleaf
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10 Jan 2012, 8:23 pm

mds_02 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
what I was responding to did come off as kinda harsh and I'm not sure it was meant to be helpful or supportive in any way at all. It is also possible it was not meant that way and I took it personally I wont know unless they say what they meant by that.


I'm sure it's not your intention either, but you've come across as a little harsh as well. I mean, you are misinterpreting the intentions of, and criticizing, people who (even if you think they are misguided) are taking time out of their day to try to help you. You do not have a monopoly on taking thing personally. Your criticisms cause the people they are directed at to feel badly too. When other people come into the thread, they see that, and automatically go on the defensive as well.


Yeah its possible I have....but yeah it certainly is not my intention its just hard for me to discuss how I feel because it makes me feel vulernerable to everyone. So then I end up getting defensive about things. In the past I've had people make fun of me for being sensative so I became very self concious about it and have not totally gotten past that. So I do apologize if I've made anyone feel bad or anything, and I'll try to keep this in mind.


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