I don't want be alone

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^ yep

I see
Maybe because single guys are creepy?

Well to be fair American men and women like British women and men.
Liking something exotic maybe?

Lace-Bane

But what's that to do with being in dating sites and trying to ask out coworkers. No that advice is often given as a stop completely don't try to date and love will find you. Which is stupid advice in general but horrible advice to anxious aspies who hardly ever get out of their houses non less socialize and who are god awful at socializing when they try to. Dating sites and messaging people is likely the only possible slim of a chance way such a person would find love.

No Lace bane. You haven't met my friend.

If I tell her I like someone, but it didn't work out, her response is, "but did you stop looking?" simply because she met her man when she wasn't looking. its really weird.

Being relaxed doing something you love is a lot better than forcing yourself into unusual situations where you're I'll at ease though. That's definitely true.

However a lot of women genuinely believe that they should put no effort what so ever into looking for someone and they well somehow get asked out by someone who really likes her.

From now on, I really want to be approached. It would be awesome, and amazing. No hints - just straight up, "Wanna hang out with me?"

I wish you luck. I wish the same thing, but for me at least it is akin to taking a dump in one hand and wishing in the other and seeing which comes true first.

sorry, maybe my method of writing is confusing... kind of experiencing burnout and don't know how to fix it. part of my point was that even when people swear by the advice that not looking produces results, they may be unaware of why it produced such result in their life. they see the result, and then swear by it not knowing why what they did worked for them. so they pass the generic advice, to not go looking, which is good advice in a sense but not because there's some universe fairy reading everyone's every thought in wait for until they stop thinking about finding a partner to throw one their way. it's the state of uninhibited calm in the mind that comes from living without that extra worry, and when people do things they really enjoy around others with similar interests it's much more likely that they'll shine desirable to others they themselves find desirable(that calm is nonchalance toward the possibility of finding a partner, which can be easily mistaken for confidence.). that calm can actually be found in focused meditation and applied everywhere throughout one's life, however, such a uninhibited focused calm can come rather close naturally in the circumstance mentioned of doing what you love around others, and because they have similar interests when in a group(mind, group doesn't have to be a club, just mean group as in a place where people get together for a specific cause or goal.) organized for such interests, you're both already much more likely to have more in common than in the average person you might meet randomly elsewhere. so, while it could at first glance seem it'd decrease one's chances that they might meet a good someone for themselves in "not looking", in actuality they increase their odds at finding compatibility for reasoning much deeper than what those who've experienced success doing so might suggest in it being as if it's a way to pull the universe's strings in your favor.

yes, there are surely enough odds that someone could meet someone they have a deep affinity with in the most unlikely of circumstances, like in bumping cars in traffic, or carts in a store isle, but in general such odds are incredibly small. heck, my mother met her husband selling an old car to a man that was of similar spirit(even then, it was in selling a sports car she had liked and one he had wanted and as such a basis of common interest.), so it does happen, but wouldn't advise anyone to hold their breath for such an unlikely scenario. people who have such unlikely success are likely to shell out the same advice, again, without knowing why it worked for them and even more exaggeratedly so if they experienced multiple poor experiences prior.

when thinking about it, you have to be able to remove your self of self, stand back, and look at why it worked when they insist what they're saying worked for them, and not try to take them at their exact word as to why it worked when they don't provide any evidence that they understand why it worked for themselves. has she even gone in to depth in telling you why not looking worked out for her? does she really just act as if clearing that desire from your mind will magically get you a great guy? if so, she doesn't appear to have a single clue as to the dynamics of why it worked... and if that is truly the mindset of a lot of women, maybe ignorance is truly is bliss for some, but anyhow, just because something seems incredibly preposterous or upsettingly naive, it doesn't mean there isn't something tangible and useful to be found underneath it all.

surely my perspective on the matter could be wrong, and maybe that is the case... kind of incapable of a deeper explanation as to why what has been said makes sense to me, and even if tried, it'd probably just make the train of thought unnecessarily more confusing than it's probably already been made out to be

Last edited by Lace-Bane on 25 Sep 2016, 10:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I really wish that was socially ok.
I'd like to just gone up to the girl I lik and say I like you wanna hang out

Seems really logical to me:(

I dunno what I would have done if I was a man. It must be really hard.

It's terrible even more so if one is poor or disabled

Was that situation with your neighbors ever solved ? I think it was you right?

That's right. I actually barely mention it to anyone anymore. I've been staying between my nan's and a family friend's. I've been lucky in the sense that both their places happen to be very quiet. Also, my local council has only just *finally* eased up my options in finding me a new place. I'm hoping to find somewhere to live soon.

Glad they let you stay with them, I imagine it's not as comfortable though as being in your own place, I never feel comfortable staying at others places.

How does that work? What's a local council is it like housing here?
I hope you find a nice quiet place soon.

Do you have your own place or flatshare?

There's different counties, such as Essex, with its own county council (except Southend which has its own, for some reason). Then there's different towns with their own councils, or 2-3 towns sharing one council. London is made up of multiple councils, there isn't a county council.

Council or social housing, is where each council has their own set of housing for people in need. I've had a flat since the age of 17, when I asked to be kicked out (me and my family were driving each other crazy enough for it to eventually get to that point anyway). For about 10 years I loved it, I had great neighbours, who I still talk to. They never caused any issue for me nor I for them. Then when I moved to a place which was much prettier, I kept getting bad neighbours. As in, nobody else liked them either, and were so loud that other people heard them.

..So yeh, I moved again, and it happened that the man who lived in my flat before me had noise problems from the woman below me too. Just some real bad luck.

I think council housing is vital for people, my local council amongst many others have been trying to sell it all privately, meaning less housing stock for people who need it.

I rent half a a duplex with my mom and sister. With help from housing. I keep to my room 98% of the time unless showering/shaving or cooking food.

Interesting
We have state housing with county offices. They only own two appartment areas which are near impossible to get into so all the rest they help pay some of your rent or in our case most of it. It takes years to get on housing.

That sounds rough. Our current neighbors are pretty quiet the ones before would fight , yell, slam the walls and listen to music loudly at the middle of the night a lot.

Nah lace bane. It doesn't matter if she'd stopped looking or not, she'd still have been at that party and they'd still have started talking. She'd still have been herself either way. He was always going to approach her no matter what. Not because of fate, it's just they were in the same place at the same time and she'd have looked exactly the same no matter what she was thinking.

My problem is I'm naturally quiet. If I stop looking I just won't talk to anyone. If I'm at a group thing I won't bother talking to any guys and goodness knows they won't talk to me.

The men left over just don't seem to talk to women, they just hang out in the corner with their other guy or couples friends.

And that's probably why they're single. If no one makes an effort nothing happens and everyone is perpetually single.

Well if we approach them they'll reject us which hurts :s

sounds like you're gonna have to be the one to break the impasse, by marshalling your oomph and picking off one of the better male candidates and chatting him up.