Feeling hopeless (trigger warning - suicide)

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Hi, it is me again. I just wanted to let you know that I am still thinking of you, and I wanted to wish you a happy Thanksgiving. I am still here for you.



300 big hugs.

Thank you, a very happy Thanksgiving to you as well

Words cannot adequately express how thankful I am for everyone here. You all have probably literally saved my life at least once.

Today I've increased the number of clearly visible wounds/scars I have given myself over the past year to 25 (some from almost a year ago, up to some from today) Well, I guess for 365 days, that's not too bad.

But the blood hasn't even completely dried from the most recent time, and I already want to do it again because I didn't get a good enough bleed

You don't need to get a good enough bleed. You don't need to bleed at all

I just hope I'm not being selfish in my choice to live. The bit about self-harm really hits close to home, too.

So, I'm having a very hard time finding a job I can support myself on. Trying for six months after graduating from college only got me a part-time job cleaning at a retail store, and I've now been stuck there for over a year, despite my efforts to find a better job. I keep applying to places and hearing nothing back. I only ever heard anything from two places. One gave me a preliminary interview, which I promptly failed because I have a tremor that was especially bad that day, making me look a lot more nervous than I was (the guy actually said I looked "extremely terrified," which I wasn't - and yes, I did tell him about the tremor), and the second one didn't have an interview and gave me my current job.

Since I don't make enough money to support myself, I'm still living with my parents, at age 24, a year and a half after graduating from college with a bachelor's degree in biology. My parents seem to be increasingly irritated with me in general, probably because they're really getting tired of me still living at home but don't want to tell me so, because they at least understand that I'm trying my best. I feel like I'm nothing but a burden and an annoyance. I don't have any friends, and have no real talents or skills (unless memorizing the entire Pokedex or knowing the lyrics to every song by Tool counts, but what good is something like that ever going to do?), so I feel like I don't have anything to contribute to the world, and like no one except my family would even notice if I was gone. As for my family, if my parents are having to take care of me and I'm providing nothing in return, wouldn't they be better off if I wasn't around any more, one way or another?

Essentially, at this point I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to support myself and live on my own, and if not, is there really any reason for me to keep living? If I was on my own, at least if I was happy enough, there would be no reason for me not to, but as it stands, I feel like I'm just a burden.

I am sorry to hear that you hurt yourself again. I wish that you did not have to wait so long to see your therapist again, and that they did not help you at all. Did you have a bad Thanksgiving? Were you disappointed about something?



It is hard, and I know how you feel. I have felt the same way before.

I wish you to be selfish.

Unless you're prepared to go out and cut other people to watch them bleed, I don't see why you should do it to yourself.
You're just as precious as anyone else.