Amity wrote:
I think it is important to recognise the distinction between peoples reactions.
I'm split.
I see such potential in Sly, as I think others do too.
However... It is emphatically not a case that you, Sly, have never gotten really appropriate well considered advice.
To discount that is to discount other autists precious social energy that they invested in you.
This is what is irritating for me and I dont know, possibly others here, to see you discount reality without consideration, a taking for granted of the disproportionate quantity of support you have recieved over the years.
I suggest that you start giving support back and perhaps stop (or reduce it drastically) seeking it for a while, (some abstinence, like a diet,) actually spending an hour thinking out how to help solve someone else's dilemma, before you post about your own problems.
Under this definition commiserating doesnt equal support. It's got to focus on solutions.
The idea behind this solution is to help you with caring about others, really really trying and caring on their terms, not yours.
Then come back and seek commiseration, or advice as you will be less likely to take other peoples time and energy for granted. This will help reduce the general irritation directed at you at times.
Otherwise perhaps your signature or first line in the post should include a disclaimer stating clearly in autistic friendly language that you are not looking for solutions, but commiseration. (Considering this is the only place you seek support) This will be a fairer approach to take with communication to the other autists on this site who perhaps like me feel that you have been disingenuous about seeking support many times before. I wouldn't feel that way had you stated that you didn't want people to spend their time and limited social energy coming up with solutions to help you. Or discounted well considered advice by putting it in the same category as empty advice.
You have such potential, i wish you would stop taking it for granted, you always have something to loose, no matter how much you loose there is always more to loose.
I think you're making a
very important point here. Prolonged depression and unhappiness (+isolation) can create a mental bubble and lead to a particular type of solipsism. There are a few people here who end up
feeling that their misery is or must be greater than anyone else's and lose perspective in regards to others' struggles. Some of them not only post here a lot about themselves without ever offering support to others (I'm not talking about you, sly, I know you do) but sometimes end up dismissing, attacking and treating callously people who are sometimes even more vulnerable than themselves.
I think the best way of getting out of such a mental bubble is to actively concentrate your mental and emotional resources towards others - at least some of the time. Yourself, kraftie, Isabella, blazingstar, magz and a few others are actually proving this point very well. Their struggles made them more open and empathetic towards people instead of calcifying their hearts.
Even if other people awareness is a barrier, as it tends to be for people on the spectrum (though that is sometimes a matter of perspective and priorities) going through the motions of helping another fosters compassion for others.
Foster enough of it for others and it can cause cognitive dissonance between how you treat/view others and how you treat yourself.
That is what I would hope for Sly, as i said he has such potential that years later people still see this potential and it is that reason people have not given up on him. Thats not to be taken for granted.
He might not have much hope for himself, but others do.
I would very much wish for him to be well in himself, not any of that material or status stuff. Just healthy and well.
20 Sep 2019, 9:34 am
Exercising kindness towards others might lead, at least in some cases, to learning to extend the same kindness to oneself.
