scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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[ ~6 ]
Since last posting here, I have been quite stable in spite of the changes and such happening in my life at this time.

Had 3 interviews in the past 3 weeks, one I came in second but didnt get the job. The person I talked to was impressed with me and told me about a position oopening up in a few weeks that he will put a good word in for me besides passing my info on to the other person involved with the hiring. This job is in Texas and is a construction supervisor for the city.

Another job I interviewed with the other day is in my current area... I should hear something back probally early next week. I have a good chance at this job. This job is for quality control in a food plant.

Otherwise, I am going out this friday to a bar and grill with 30+ other people and hang out and stuff. An oportunity to keep in practice my abilities to blend in a NT crowd as an eccentric NT. Sort of role playing I guess. See how long before I am stressed out by all of the people and loud music and noises...

+5 And not much new to report. God my life is boring.



(at least I amuse myself, LOL)

+6 I got a lot done around the house, my kids are happy and curled up together on the couch eating popsicles and talking, and I've got a kid free evening out. Only running errands but it's just me and I'm looking forward to it. I'm really happy today.

+6 - I had an awesome day, did the exam with my class and went out with friends I haven't see in a while instead of having to see my 'friends' in class. I also got invited to go to the movies tonight by one of the ones I haven't see in a while

-6, Long story...

-1 (health issues on top of money worries)

5, I'm going shopping on saturday with a friend, I don't like her lol it's just an excuse to get out the house.

0.

Am with people and feel impending meltdown (and a bit down). Writing this might stop it. They confuse me: I can't tell whether they are being critical and patronizing; I think they might be. Like waving at me every few minutes as though I'm a child, and commenting that I was dawdling, even though they didn't provide an accurate time by which to be ready. I was ready to tell them where to go, but froze instead. Then there's the continual arguing amongst themselves about various items in the news and the bigoted comments, and ... just the atmosphere. Ah well, being near people is rare.

-10

If anything lower were and option, it would be.

I don't know how I feel at the moment, I'm just a mish mash of emotions right now, it's weird.
So I'd say 3, I don't like not knowing how I'm feeling

3

Okay I guess. My life for the most part sucks right now but I'm hanging in there for a better future and for those few who genuinely care about me.

-9, and waiting to hit bottom of -10.

Don't seem to have the "freedom" anywhere to deal with some issues. So it's here, where it can be lost in a crowd.

Irony is, writing up some tox research, yet I am the most toxic thing in my report.

Another day, another +5.....at least it's night-time now, and I can forget about any sort of responsibility.

-5 on the schizophrenia board I was just asking for help and this a**hole locked my thread even though IT HAD NOTHING IN IT THAT IS AGAINST THE RULES. He has been targeting me for awhile and not letting me speak. I hate his f-ing guts because that is how he feels about me. He is no good.

6, I have been shopping with a friend and I have bought a nice blue shirt and a pair of sunnies but once I bought waht I wanted I was extreemly bored and warn out because my friend wanted to dawdle round the whole town and when we did sit down it was in the middle of all the chaos. Now I'm just really warn out but happy.

I was arrested and handcuffed and had a panic attack.
I was stripsearched (no cavity search hurray, only because I smelt like ass tho)
I spent a night in a jailcell.
I almost had my pants fall down in court.
I had to have my mom bail me out of jail.
I have to live with my mom
I have a curfew.
I can't smoke weed, so I am in pain, and can't relieve stress, or enjoy anything to occupy my mind.
I can't think of how to tell my dad about this (I haven't seen him in about 2 years, and dont want to call him up out of the blue and say "hey I was arrested and charged with being a drug dealer")
I am afraid I will go to jail and be raped... I dont want to loose my virginity to a fat dude named bubba, and yet I dont know how to go out and find a girl who will f**k me out of pity.
I am too much of a coward to kill myself and end all this BS.

-9
(saving -10 for being in jail and getting raped)