Im in so much emotional and existential pain/noone will help

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she says i already saw one wich i did but not for this problem

she just said she would take me. she got this wierd thing where i have to obey whatever some person or professional says just because they say it.

i get out once a day im pretty much bound to the apartment

What do you mean about your mom believing you have to "obey whatever some person or professional says"? What SORTS of people or professionals? You can't just believe what anybody tells you- you need to use your own judgment too.

Why are you bound to the apartment? Is it difficult for you to walk?

Sorry for asking so many questions, but there's a lot about your situation that I don't know, and that makes it hard to suggest things sometimes.

my dopamine system is injured this controls movement and thougth

i guess because she has this false belief that all my problems stem from me not listening to people, irregardless of how dumb stupid irrational or illogical they where, as opposed to the truth where my problems stem from all the crap that was done to me.

Does that mean you can't walk?

Why does your mom think your problems stem from not listening to people?

not very far and not in a goal directed fashion around the house yeah down the street forgot it

thats just her thing she sees all my problems as self inflicted wich they are not.

when i was in school i was being severly bullied and beaten till my face was bloodied and i had a concusion
my parents told me that i was making them do that me that i did something to cause them to do that.

when they hauled me off to some wacko mental health counselor person in six grade my dads rationale was that i wasnt "talking the kids correctly" thus making them beat beat so that i needed treatment.

I'm sorry you can't walk very far. That must be very frustrating. Do you have exercises that you do to try to maintain your mobility? Do you use a wheelchair?

Other students did not have the right to bully you, regardless of whether you could "talk correctly"or not. Perhaps the counselor was trying to teach you social skills to help you interact better with others. Kids do tend to try to pick on people with social difficulties, but your school should have protected you from harm. I'm sorry you were bullied.

Hi Nightbender, Jennyishere is doing a remarkable job in trying to help you. She is asking good questions here that will help figure you out. I am curious about something. As I am a big believer in positive thinking, I would like to ask you to summarize what you feel would be the ideal life for you---that is the life you want. Could you describe this for us? To see your goals laid out will let all of us know what it is you want to strive for. I know independence it is a large part of this---but try to elaborate if you can. I believe that setting down positive goals is great medicine.

to be able to think and feel and understand and have access to mind and play around with all the wonderful things i could do with it and live and persue insterests and learn and be with god. thats what i want and thats what i dont have.


something is slowly sinking in that reaching out to people is not gonna help me and i should stop doing that and not waste peoples time.

Last edited by nightbender on 25 May 2009, 8:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

no i can walk on my own to feet but trying to get anyway or very far is virtually impossible
the counselor was trying to figure out what mental illness i had and brain wash me, not teach me anything of value.

Hi, Nightbender. I'm sorry you feel that we're not helping you- I've tried, but your situation seems very complicated and it's been difficult to know what to suggest. I suspect you might be getting tired of me asking so many questions- I've certainly asked you a lot over the past few weeks. It's just been quite hard to understand your situation clearly. That's not your fault- I know you're still looking for answers yourself.

I think there's a limit to the amount of help that anyone can give you on an online forum. I don't think you should stop reaching out to people, but I think you'll get more help from people who are medically qualified and able to speak with you in person. Your case manager is probably the best person for you to discuss a lot of your concerns with- he is trained and sees you regularly.

I hope you can find the help you're looking for. I really do wish you well. Take care, Nightbender. Jenny.

Last edited by jennyishere on 26 May 2009, 7:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

You're not wasting our time. What is good here is that you want to pursue the interests and use them positively. Here is what I suggest---Jenny says that for the things pulling you down it is best to pursue professional help---that is good advice. However, let us work with positive things here on your thread and try to ignore the negatives (save those for the professionals). We will try to figure out what wonderful things you can do with your interests. It is interesting that you want to pursue interests and learn and be with God. I have taken my musical interests and used them for a music ministry. So...lay aside the negatives for a minute and find your interests---and tell us about your interests.

sure

i like reading listening to music playing video games and fantasising and contemplatating the universe, karate yoga zen. i like meeting up with other people like me.

i just want got to kill me. i have had enough. i dont have the strength for this s**t any more. its not the same as suidicality. i just want to god to give me a fatal disease or a car accident and be done with it.

i just want God to kill me. i have had enough. i dont have the strength for this s**t any more. its not the same as suidicality. i just want to god to give me a fatal disease or a car accident and be done with it.

Hello again, Nightbender. I'm sorry you're feeling so down at the moment. I hope you've talked to your case manager about it- he needs to know that you're feeling like this. I also hope you've arranged that appointment with a neurologist that you were talking about. I think you were getting frustrated with the suggestions that Glider18 and I were making, but it's hard for people on this forum to understand what your real problems are- that's probably why you feel we're not helping you. I can't see how things are going to change much for you until you get a proper medical diagnosis for your health problems. I really hope things get better for you, sweetheart. Jenny