Rants

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I'm crap and I hate myself.

While I was out, my mom slammed the kitchen door closed on my cat's tail tonight, "degloving" the end 1/2 inch of it. I realize she didn't mean to do it, but what makes me angry is:

1) She didn't bother to tell me that my cat had dashed outside until almost 2 hours later
2) That she didn't noticed the tip of my cat's tail lying on the kitchen floor
3) That while I confronted her about it after finding my cat's tail tip on the floor, she acted like there was no way she could've been the one who did it

She wanted to insist that the door slammed hard enough by itself to do that to my cat's tail or something, which, given how that door closes, couldn't have happened. Someone would have had slammed that door shut hard. She claims she saw my cat sprinting through the doorway--of course, too fast for her to stop him--and that she closed the door after he was out. BS. I suspect she saw he sprinting away AFTER she slammed the door close, because he was in pain.

It took 30 minutes to coax him back inside once I found him. The tip of his tail is just exposed bone and blood vessels now and I can tell it's hurting him some. Unfortunately it's too late for me to get him to the vet so it'll have to wait til morning. Thankfully cats cope well with pain like this--the bigger problem is risk of infection, so the vet will need to remove the exposed bone and close it up. But as anyone who's had a finger or toe amputated knows, the site of the amputation will remain very sensitive long after its healed.

My mom's completely indifferent to that fact my cat's hurt. No "Sorry, it was an accident" or anything. Just complete denial she had anything to do with it.

Sometimes I really hate my family. This is one of those times.

My conversation with my mom got interrupted by the sister I hate coming over unannounced, I got in an argument with my brother and my cat threw up on my bed. All in the span of less than half an hour. This is shaping up to be a horrible day.

Have had an upset stomach for the last 4 days - no idea why. Had to get various tests done. Ended up taking some medication to calm the intestines, and now I've got a mega stomach ache and bloating............. I'm so over being sick, even my digestive system seems to be AS, I wish it was NT.

I hate having a facebook. What am I supposed to do with it, beyond enabling serial friend-collectors and indulging superficial connections with people I wont ever speak to beyond a random, cursory regard? Why is it that nobody responds to poignant, philosophical probings or scientific observations, but people rush to the most, salacious and sensational banalities like a pack of starving dogs? Phronemophobia? Ideophobia? Escapism? Affinity for mind-numbing, self-aggrandized abstractions and platitudes, that put needless importance on such mundaneness as what one ate for breakfast; where he is, precisely, at a given point in time; and which of his thirty-two teeth is mildly sensitive to beverages cooled below room temperature? The whole dynamic bothers me. Moreover, I'm socially marginalized enough in real life, avolitionally - why reenact that same headache online, of my own free will, in order to integrate myself into a mass convention that extols quantity over quality; that lauds words, for the sake of words; and that contradictorily allows for profligate degrees of interaction, but without the substance that would suppose a worthwhile communication?

Also, even though I've not been posting here long -- only four times or so since I was diagnosed -- I prefer the format of WP more. The format of FB drives me insane... it reminds me of reading some wordsearch where you have to weed significant strings of information out from a larger, inscrutable chaos. I dont even bother reading my feed anymore, because it makes me tired... I have maybe, three or four people I would truly like to keep in contact with there. Though I would actually prefer they email me, because I work so much better two-on-two; so I think I'm going to delete it

Yes, probably. I can definitely see how it sounds extreme, possibly dramatic. Most of what I wrote is just a means of catharsis, though, which is why I posted it here rather than on the main page. I just needed to vent somewhere without consequence.

I hate going to college because it feels like I'm not actually getting an education in a lot of the classes, and also I'm sick of flagrant disregard for rules in places where I go, and the unwritten stuff that they never tell you about, and the word "absurd"(until it's determined to be an intrinsic scientific property), and the concept of opinions due to their impossible-to-define state, and the hot weather of summer, and the way the sun goes down late in summer, and I should probably stop before I get mentally tongue-tied.

Stupid insomnia!

Need to go for a walk. Feeling really trapped. I slowly feel my sanity slip away.

Today I have discovered one of my pet hates: waiting/ getting screwed around. It began yesterday, yesterday I walked to the art gallery as a part of class (30 min walk) only to be told it was cancelled due to rain. Then when I tried to get home all of the trains to where I live where cancelled for 2 hours, missing my visit with my sister. Today, I'm currently waiting for someone to pick me up for a party an hour away. Been by myself all day while my boyfriend played paintball all day, I wouldn't mind this if I didn't live with his family. His mum used this opportunity to yell at me for trivial things. Still waiting and looking at the time go by. It's as fun as watching paint dry

I'm so mad that two times in a row, I wake up and step in a mess left by my friend's animals. I know it's nice of them to let me live with them for a while, but I might move out in favor of a cleaner home. It's annoying and disgusting I wish they'd just keep them outside at night. My feet and shoes don't deserve this!

why is it the people who do rude, mean things turn the situation around and accuse me of being mean when it is them who started the whole thing. Since when is walking out in the middle of a meal after being invited to dinner in any way all right?. I cannot peacefully sit down and pretend I am not overwhelmed by a barrage of confusing emotion like some avalanche carrying me who knows where. It is lucky I didn't throw the corn on the cob across the room.

Why do people feel the need to stab me in the back when they know the truth, and have the nerve to be all nice about it to my face? First they coax me into doing things I really didn't want to do, then they fail to understand that I have an inbuilt need for time alone, then they accumulate a debt to me of about £110, then behind my back they try to tell people that I'm FAKING Asperger's, I mean, how can I have been sly enough to fake a condition that affects most aspects of my life since I was born? It doesn't matter, I'm a better musician than them, and they're losing their friends.