Feel Like I'm Being Forced to Conform

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Thank you for helping me get back on track. I think the problem started when I started being given Social Thinking worksheets in my social skills class. I thought it made no sense and was ableist, but I accepted it when I was told that what it was teaching was okay because I was insecure about if I knew what I should do socially. The Social Thinking curriculum was pretty much saying that the NT way is right, and the autistic way is wrong, so I started to do so many things that were unnatural for me that I was no longer able to cope. I think it may have looked like that I was not conforming when really trying to conform was making me exhausted and made me lose sight of what I wanted to do.

I now see clearly that Social Thinking is complete BS and that what you should do in a social situation is a matter of opinion. I will now focus on what I want to do with my life.

That makes sense!

The ideas in social thinking aren't all bad, though they aren't all good either, but I think they were intended to be worked on with a skilled speech therapist, not used as cookie cutter worksheets in a class. Nothing that forces you to try to fit into molds you don't fit into is going to work in the long run, maybe not in the short run either.

I think the pressure to conform is at its worst in highly hierarchical small groups, like office environments. They often lack a respect for open communication and NTs make poor assumptions about ASD behavior.

I work in such an environment and was unable to handle the social nuances -- although I can handle normal stuff more or less OK (depending on my energy level). I am always "weird" and "a character" but I can usually toe the line.

But my office demanded too much of me, didn't talk to me to try to understand me, and instead made the worst assumptions possible, all behind my back. I picked up on enough signals and became suicidal -- it was a wake-up call and led to my therapist first suggesting I am autistic.

So, I just want to say: some social environments demand a very high level and aren't very forgiving. If you're in a situation like that, you need to either conform (and perform), come clean about being autistic and accept they will likely stigmatize you (and give unsolicited advice about how to conform better, etc.), or just GET OUT.

I am still trying to figure out the right answer for me. I'd like to get out, but I have lost my faith in humanity and think I'm going to be in a tough spot anywhere I go. (I've found some peace in my current situation, but it's fragile and took a lot of work to achieve.)

Basically, my 9th grade civics class voted me "shark bait" in a desert island scenario, and I still haven't escaped the feeling that any social group could do that to me again, this time with real consequences.

You don't need to conform unless your eccentricities are actually harming people, in my opinion. Science, like art, is a field where social normalities are not necessarily needed, you will either be impressive with your abilities or you won't. People are afraid of what they don't understand so they instinctively try to push people into conformity.

If you can get a job behind the scenes, which is probably common with science, your proficiency is all that matters. I have a neurotypical friend who works as a science technician and she is the least conformist person I know.

I'm 27 and advise your stay true to yourself and hang in there waiting for the right kind of friends to come into your life, people who don't understand you, especially young people who care WAY too much about fitting in, can really make life harder and hurt your confidence.
Once you find one or two like minded people along the way, you will probably stay friends with those people much longer and find encouragement instead of pressure.

It's an abstract concept, but "be true to your heart!"
You'll be fine, do not waste years on the wrong path trying to play safe and be normal. I made that mistake and never want to go back.