i give up

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I just want to drink my sorrows away. I just want to check out for 2 years.

I keep dreaming about being drunk about not feeling the misery of losing my mom. In my dreams i feel so relaxed and care free from getting drunk.

I have no responsibility's and no cares. I don't worry what i say to anyone and i feel no pain from the hurt of the world.

Ive never been drunk, I stay away from alcohol because alcoholism runs in my family.

I crave it all the time now, when i go to the grocery store i want to buy it.

if anything else happened I'll say f**k it and buy a bunch and give up completely.

I wont care anymore. I'll be done.

Ive put up with enough crap in my life. 1 more thing and im done.

Am i complaining to much? I'm just really sad.

I feel like I'm making everyone ignore me cause I'm sad all the time. is this the case?

I dont know how my family is coping so well with my mother being ill. I'm falling apart. Why cant i deal?

Ive always been really close to my mom. I knew she was ill when i was 12. Now i am watching her getting worse and worse and knowing shell die.

How to cope? any ideas. I just feel so sad and have trouble sleeping.

I don't know why I'm so broken.

I'm so sad and i feel like i need to holed it together. when is ok to fall apart?

I feel im doing something wrong, oh i don't know what im doing anymore.

I feel very cursed and blessed at the same time.
cursed because my back is all messed up, my mom is dying ,i may have to leave here cause my parents are losing there home, i will have to go with them so I wont have internet and will have to talk to my boyfriend through snail mail.

blessed to have a good friend like water water and a wonderful boyfriend just-you.

I just feel so sad and hopeless. will it get better soon?

I know how your feeling, my dad was a 3 pack a day smoker and died of heart failure 2 years ago, I am still living with the pain
and sorrow of loosing my dad, but I know he never would have wanted me to give up, and I think the same go's for your mom.

I suppose that's a good way of looking at it.

Its so hard though. How do you deal with the day to day pain of it all?

Is there anything that help you that i could try?

well parents dying is inevitable, I know its a hard thing to say, when I was your age I couldn't imagine what it would be like with
out them, but when it happens you have to pull it together and deal with it, your going to cry and feel like your world has been
destroyed by the loss, but its something everyone go's though. As they say time heals all wounds, its been 12years since my mom
passed away from alzheimer's and just over 2 for my dad, and I never got the chance to say goodbye to him, or be there when it
happened, all I can say is try to be there for your mom and dad