Acacia wrote:
Thanks for your help and advice, all.
So many times like this. I've almost called the police several times. Had the phone in my hand and was dialling, but never went through with it. She's hit me with hands, objects, even cut me with a knife one time. Each instance always begins much the same. There is some initial misunderstanding. She is trying to get some point across, or is upset with something I've done. Then she gets incredibly angry when she feels as if I've become unresponsive. Most of the time on my end, I've missed the point to whatever she said, or did something that she finds offensive, been oblivious, appeared cold or uncaring, etc. I've never touched her in violence. Only held her back to prevent her from harming me or herself. That just makes her lash out even more.
That sounds very similar to what my mum was like to me before I was diagnosed, when I was at school. This was about 12 years ago. She didn't know I had something wrong with me she just thought I was a "bastard of a child" (a phrase she used often). She even lied to the police and got an AVO out against me, even though she was the one attacking me. I moved out of home when she did that at great financial, emotional and academic expense
Acacia wrote:
We are not "together", and have not been so for years. We are living together out of a complicated financial situation, whereby (based on our current income) neither of us is really capable of living independently. This creates a real problem when it comes to taking care of our son. If I can't honestly provide a decent living space on my own, then I am not going to take him out of the comfortable house we currently live in. Otherwise it wouldn't matter.
Every day I am trying to finally get the job that I went to school for, so that money won't be a problem, and we can get away from each other for good.
I'm sorry to hear, depending on what welfare/housing you may be entitled to, maybe consider moving out anyway. Fact is you are being assaulted, and your child will have psychological trauma if the situation continues. In my opinion you must press charges and get legal aid that they are aware you have Aspergers. Of course that's easy for me to say here. The times I was assaulted I wish I had have pressed charges
Acacia wrote:
The other part of this is that neither of us has any real support network. Her family, although they do have some money and property, are completely backwards, dirty, and insane, and only help her if she is sucking up to them and living the life they want her to, which is really not an option. She has a small group of friends, none of which she sees regularly. My family is helpful, in the sense that they said I never should have gotten with this girl in the first place. They've helped me a bit financially, when I really needed it. But I can't lean on them. I have no friends at all. Like none. I don't know anybody. I've been trapped in this box with this girl and the child we had for about 5 years now.
When I have been in trouble I have often turned to the church I was going to for support and they have been very good to me, when I have needed housing and when I was forced to leave home (with a few exceptions). I still believe you must leave
Acacia wrote:
6 months ago, when I found out that I have Asperger's, it explained a hell of a lot for me. At first, I was euphoric to discover the reason for just about everything in my life. Now, it remains as a spotlight, pointing out my faults and difficulties. For her, it just confirms everything bad that she's ever thought about me. Every day she finds a novel way to tell me that I'm f***ing nuts, and need medication and therapy and I need to not live with her. I agree, because most of the time, I feel exactly that way.
So it's only been 6 months. That's a good thing because it took me a while to adjust and realise I wasn't as bad as people had made out. Her reaction is unacceptable. She misunderstands Aspergers if she does not understand how your communication is different. It sounds like she is not making any attempt to understand at all. You deserve better
Acacia wrote:
So anyways, I know all of this is just so wrong. None of it would be if we'd not had a child. Although he is wonderful, and we love him, and we take good care of him, it is making sure that he is provided for which is the issue creating all this insanity and violence. I can't leave because she can't take care of him by herself, and I can't really live on my own and support my son. If I can manage to get this job I am after, I can provide for everything, and I can move out and we can be done with it. But the economy sucks, and I have terrible anxiety and social problems which make it hard for me to interview successfully.
Often I'm sad that I don't have a partner or children, but I realise from these stories that it can often be very hard. I wish I could help you. I hope that you will get this job and you will be able to be out of this situation
Acacia wrote:
I'm just waiting for about 5 "other shoes to fall". I'm trying my best, but nothing ever seems to happen. It just keeps going on.
Thanks for your kind, helpful words.
Above all you must remove yourself and your child from this harm. Let us know how it goes
10 Jun 2009, 6:03 pm
