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theOtherSide
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

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Joined: 17 Jun 2009
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 87
Location: wish i knew

09 Aug 2009, 6:07 am

lotusblossom wrote:
Ive decided to return to the dharma and return to meditation and spiritual reflection. I think doing that will help me enourmously. Ive been far too hedonistic of recent months and I think leading a more monkish life will do me good. I definately think giving up relationships will lead me to have more time for myself and my interests and more energy to devote to positive things and get out of being so self focused.


amazing. this is the exact realization i came to last night.

lotusblossom wrote:
Its funny how relationships can bring out the worst in us, it makes me so self consious and self critical. I stop doing the things I need to do in order to focus all my attention on my love interest. I think it is very unhealthy.


yeah.

look forward to hearing answers to that one



lotusblossom
Veteran
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Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Age: 47
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Posts: 2,994

18 Sep 2009, 12:17 am

just a little update and further emo moan.

Ive moved house now and its quite nice, I feel very down after the move tho with all the adrenaline it took doing it.

Ive got my end of course assignment due in and its not going well, Im too distressed to concentrate.

Ive got bad toothache and I need to find a dentist in my new town.

my hair is falling out again and my arthritus is playing up.

the kids are beign very challenging and now I have moved I have no babysitting.

Im tryign to get my eldest in school but its hard as she has no statement (SEN) so will have to go to regular senior school first but she is mentally 6 so Im very ambivalent about it.

things are even worse with my on /off boyfriend.

the social workers are coming round on monday and Im very stressed about that,Im worried about not performing well and them hating me like the ones in the old town.

I just feel generally very dispairing and failing to find any meaning or pleasure in life.



C-57D
Sea Gull
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Joined: 1 Aug 2009
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Posts: 237
Location: LDN

19 Sep 2009, 4:00 am

Sorry to hear that - I hoped things would've picked up for you after the move.
Sounds like things are very rough at the mo, but they say it's always darkest before the dawn. I'm sure things will start getting sorted out, because even through all the difficult spots, you're persevering.

Always here if you need someone to be emo at (or if you need something alcoholic!)


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"Be uncomfortable; be sand, not oil, in the machinery of this world." - Günter Eich (1907-1972)