I want to kill myself because I am an aspie

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He was focusing on "The touch of another human being" and I clearly said, those other times (when I was about 15-16) did not feel intimate, but more like robbery (because they didn't necessarily have the right and it would feel that way, especially at my age at the time.)

It is NEVER too late for that. Virginity is not the be all end all of being in control of your body. Addiction is very difficult no matter what the addiction is, but it does not mean you will never be able to function and hold yourself in high regard again. And you should. You deserve to be loved and taken seriously. It is like I said, you fake it till you make it. Pretend you are worth what you want, until you believe that you are. Because you are worth it.

Also you misunderstood my advice to Spacedoubt. Some jerk being confused about whether you care about yourself is NOT you letting them on. It is their own sick problem. I was just telling her how to avoid their sick translation. It only works on the ones that are bottom of the barrel and looking for someone they can be especially bad to.

Being differently wired does not equal sub-human. You have the same rights (and responsibilities) as any other person.

HI Fickle-

I am older and I still feel that my life has little purpose, but I sure as hell am going to keep living it!

Seriously, you have a lot of time to turn things around.

It is very hard to be disabled. But as soon as there is a panel that SAYS my life is not worth living, that I need less treatment for my problems than a 15-40 year old, that in the end, I just have to suck it up.....Suddenly it is time to fight to stay alive just to poke them in the eye if nothoing more.

THat is my weird opinion.

But you sound very funny and smart. The poster is corect who said your personality comes through.

Life may be hard, but we really need you here, too. No ASP should make life eaiser for NTs by killing ourselves.

Fickle, don't kill yourself. It tried doing it in February, and I ended up spending the night in a psychiatric hospital. Now I got this real bad depression I'm still trying to shake.

in this day and age of this society, you'll have to go through about 150 men before you find one who doesn't just want to have sex with you. it's sad, but that's just the way it is, really, even so on these forums sometimes.

my social awkwardness is so bad i just don't talk to people. i work a 3rd shift job with 2 other people that do their own thing..

Wow... I know exaggeration, but still. I would not suggest running around collecting males to test this on. Yes, males will want to have sex with you, and anyone else they can get to agree to the act practically... However, that does not mean it will be all they are interested in. You have to present them with other options before sex (options not related to sex) so that they get bumped into the mind set that you are not a masturbatory aid.

If you do not make that clear from the onset you are setting yourself up for failure.

Though, if it helps at all, you are not alone. Anyone who has been molested will have these feelings of worthlessness and of being a "sex doll". They are normal, as is the addiction to what was an abusive behavior. You can get help for it. I did.

Actually, I should. They don't deserve to suffer, especially on account of a selfish whiny aspie b!tch like me.



Um, I meant letting on guys who were NOT necessarily creeps by giggling alot on account of being easily excited, and playing along in their games just for fun because I'm being friendly. Then they think I'm interested in me and fall in love.

And I really don't care about standing up for myself now, but I regret that I didn't earlier, but that was BEFORE I knew I had self-esteem issues. I cried for 4 hours straight last year when I found out that I did have low confidence. I tried the whole "fake it till you make it" thing, with no success, as I couldn't distinguish confidence from cockiness, and so that probably made things worse. And now I don't know if I should just "accept" that I am a sex toy and enjoy it because I'm convinced I don't have a very defined personality, and will never feel worth as long as I'm aspie. Maybe virginity may not be the end of all, but I was interested in losing it recently because I thought it would be the end of my "childhood" and I might feel older, and it was a nice distraction from my horrible family. because one of the things of being aspie that I hate is that I feel about 15 rather than my actual age. I can probably get away with it because nobody cares. If my mom cries, joke's on her, I'm not 12-17 anymore and should GET A JOB and move out. Maybe addiction is responsible for my lack of worth feelings as of recently. Then I regret, yet again, how I didn't stand up for myself in high school.

Or maybe... I have the addiction despite being abused like that is because I couldn't handle when people were being "honest" with me. So I tried to get pleasure out of people being blunt. But for some reason, I connect it to those incidents even though it has no connection at all. All it was about was that I feel regret for not being assertive enough back then. In addition, as of recently I can't do a thing during the day due to being asleep because I spend all night being sad and thinking of bad things that have happened to me.

You can choose to dwell on it, or you can choose to move on.

Aspies are not the only ones who do not feel their age either. I believe that people in general have a hard time maturing fully past the age that they were first introduced to the abuse.

I generally feel about sixteen or so, complete with the attention span, not wanting to be "grown up", not always getting things that an adult normally would pick up on. I only look about twenty most of the time, and younger than that sometimes. I am often rather shy and coquettish with my husband even though we have been together for four years. Like a Teen girl who is with a much older guy... even though he is actually only two years older than I am.

You will have to let go of what happened in high school. It wasn't your fault.

That's what everyone keeps telling me Morbidmiss. "You can choose to dwell on it, or you can choose to move on. " That's bullcrap. How the hell do you "move on"?? How do you get rid of these thoughts? It cannot consciously be done. I also would like to kill myself because I have Aspergers. But I spent lot of money today to distract me from life

Without trying to sound too cliched, try and learn to accept the way you are, and live this life you are given. Who cares if your not NT? I don't, I've got a good life living with AS, sure I've gone through A LOT of pain, due to the social misunderstanding, but that's life isn't it?

Don't try to kill yourself either over something ever so petty. I see AS as a gift rather than a curse, and use it to my advantage with my gifted intelligence.

Trust me, you will get through this, and if you want to chat to me outside WP, just ask for my hotmail (if you have MSN or whatever). I know I'm younger than you, and I'm a virgin, but I've known other people to be in the same position as you (feeling used etc.) and I've happily talked to them, and re-assured them.

Your a nice person, and I've pretty much said the same thing as everyone else here, so I'll stop.

So, when I say to myself each Friday, I'm going to go to work tomorrow , I'm really going to make sure I do it this time, make myself do it, etc, and I wake up while it's dark and freezing and I am tired, get in my car, travel 50km to work, prepare my desk, the when I am to start, freeze up, can't stop rocking forwards and repetitive motions, keep thinking to myself, I want to die God please kill me now God I want to die, .... you think that's all an act?? You think that I would put myself through that as some sadistic torture to myself?? Just to make a point, that Aspergers prevents you from doing certain things? [Content removed - M.]

Really, is there any need to be arguing?

I understand, we both have the same pessimistic views on having Aspergers. I always thought I would die young anyways. I expect to be dead of an STD by the time I'm 23.

Last edited by Fickle_Pickle on 14 Aug 2009, 8:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

Um... it had nothing to do with the abuse. I felt even younger when it was happening. It's just that my maturity can't keep up with my biological age.

I can only say, why worry about maturity?

People kall me immature, but that's because i DO NOT trust them and try to avoid them, which is something very different. When i was little, i was afraid of the BIG AND SCARY grownups, i nearly wet myself when some teenagers asked me to give them money, and THAT is something else. Now i do not think so of grownups anymore, but because of being nonincluded in society, i have become somewhat afraid of people like this. Its the same as saying depressed and angsty people are immature because they scream when someone goes near them and are afraid, many aspies are that and you cannot call that immature.

I have never been sexually intimate like that with anyone. In fact, I'm saying right now I'm 33 years old and never done it. It isn't in my nature. And I've been very happily married too, but it's not what we do, my husband and I. We share our love so many other ways that aren't sexual in nature.

Don't feel so useless. I feel useless too at times, but I'm surviving. I have a husband that loves me so very much. That's my stable point. Without him, I don't know where I'd be.