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I cant take care of myself and no one else will

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Gingersnaps
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: 24 Sep 2009
Age: 77
Gender: Female
Posts: 57
Location: Des Moines, Iowa

04 Oct 2009, 10:12 pm

Response to DancyClancy's post on Sept 28th.

My real name is Ginger and I used Gingersnaps because the name Ginger was already taken. I actually don't like the taste of Ginger or Gingersnaps.

I gave up the caffeine 48 hours ago. Yaaaay!! !!



MelekRawlston
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05 Oct 2009, 12:39 am

just-me wrote:
Gingersnaps wrote:
I stress back and forth between having most of the help I need with cooking, cleaning, bathing, dressing, etc., but having my every move monitored and sometimes used against me when miscommunications arise.

I've found OTC mood stabilizers, B complex, etc. helpful but I can never remember to take them on any regular schedule. Found Ginko and B12 helpful for my memory - but I have to remember to take them first.



Most things do not greatly improve my functioning. I think it may be because bad things happen to me alot. I think more then the average person. This causes me stress and worsens my condition.

Although i feel I'm gradually improving. Its been a few years since Ive been on meds and i've seen my self gradually getting better since then.

Its just the times when i get overwhelmed or stressed by bad things happening to me.

Like my mom getting sent the the hospital and almost going to the icu the only reason she didn't was because it was full. She will also be dead in 10 years the doctor told me. (from smoking)

And my family is still at risk of losing there home because they cant pay the mortgage.

I have bad back problems , problems only a person of twice my age should have.


I also get memories resurfacing about the abuse i suffered as a child which is bad.

I am not massively upset about all this. I only list it to show that despite all my stress I'm still holding it together.

In fact I'm gradually improving. Its just that sometimes it all catches up with me.

This is why i think meds don't work on me.


Have you read "feeling good" by Dr David Burns? It really helped me get through many bad times, and through mood swings. If drugs don't help that much it may be worth a try, Helped me sort some things out that were difficult because I had AS and a psychologically abusive dad It has a yellow jacket, it should be in the self help section of barns and nobels, or borders books and music. I wish you the best, I feel for you and know that having AS as well as other personal problems is never easy.



just-me
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06 Oct 2009, 12:12 am

Thanks everyone. I am doing better today. I just get so upset. I still cant do much but I'm trying to accept that as just part of who i am.

It hard though. I have lodes of appointments to go to to see doctors who are trying to fix my back.

I want to be done seeing doctors and i will be by January because my health insurance runes out then

tweety_fan I do watch funny stuff like the show how i met your mother. but i find talking about my problems helps me the most. If i don't talk about it i get angry from holding it all in.


I am trying to learn how to tell guys to leave me alone.
After the incident with my uncle i decided it was important for me to do that, even if i am rude to a few.

Like a day or 2 ago i was at a family bar with my friend sara, and a guy asked me if i drink, i told him i was taken, meaning i have a boyfriend.

I know it was abrupt and possibly rude but it was effective. and my therapist said it was OK to do that .

I just wish life was easy.

My therapist thinks I'm not as depressed, its more anxiety now. I have a lot of stress though.

I might loose my home to forecloser my mom has copd and the doctors say she will be dead in 10 years.

And the daily stress is bad too.

I worry about my mom. i keep thinking i have to check her oxygen machine is on. I worry its to low and i have to check on her at night to make her her air tube hasn't fallen out like it does sometimes.

I worry she will die if she does to much stuff. or if she goes without air to long. i worry if i am not there to help her she will die alone and it will be my fault.



just-me
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15 Oct 2009, 10:35 pm

MY mom may have breast cancer. they don't know yet but they found a mass in the breast.

they did at least 2 mammograms and now they need more tests. I'm concerned. I'm scared but i am ok somehow. maybe i cant grasp the concept yet. cancer is my worst fear.

I'll be ok i just needed to tell you all.