struggleing to cope with daily living

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What's a child protection report?

I dont know what they call a child protection report in the US.

the autism advocate was hired by me to advocate with the social services and work with the children on their challenging behaviour and social skills. The children are very difficult about changeing their clothes as they dont like change and dont like textures etc and the advocate made a report to social services that the kids were in dirty and holey clothes. I was very upset about it as I had asked her to work on getting the kids to change their clothes so thought that unfair of her.

It didnt result in anything from the social services though as the kids were prepared to change their clothes if they thought it would make trouble with the social workers as they are frightened of being taken away. The social workers are ok with problems like that as long as you stop doing the wrong thing when you are told to. For example, they told me that the advocate had reported me and it was not ok that the kids were messy and so I changed their clothes and the social workers were happy with that.

Currently the social services are just seeing me as a 'family in need' case and trying to make me stop home schooling etc but they are talking of raising the case to a child protection status which means they will come more often and interview the kids privately and try to make me be less weird and odd and crap. Its hard as I can do stuff like changeing the kids clothes to make the social workers happy but I cant do coming across as less strange and annoying. I think the problem comes from them thinking that they would hate it if I was their mum.

It sounds like the social workers are your main problem. At least they're giving you a chance, in the US they can swoop down on a woman and take her kids away in an instant and it takes months to get them back, during which time they're in the care of temporary families (foster parents) who usually brainwash the kids against their real parents. Then they use the "fact" that the kids have been turned against their parents as "proof" that the mom and dad are unfit, and the parents lose their kids forever. This is especially true in the rural West, where corrupt county govts use numbers of kids "rescued" to justify their funding levels, therefore the goal becomes to "rescue" increasing numbers of kids, to justify more money. Many foster parents collect kids because each kid comes with a stipend. The more kids, the more money. Actually raising the kids is secondary.

Look at it this way, you have two good reasons NOT to kill yourself, what will your girls do if you're gone? Your mom can't raise them, so who will? Will they be abused? Will they think that mom abandoned them?

Put it this way, if your kids get taken, take that as a break from your job.