Did I have a tragedy happen to me?

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(hugs)

I believe what has happened to you is tragic.

About the feelings, I believe that we do have delayed emotional reactions, days, months or even years after a tramatic event or situation. Emotions are hard to catagorise and explain, they can't easily be put into boxes. It's not supprising that you'd have trouble with relationships because after all that has happened to you, trust issues are very usual.

Yes, he enjoys the things I do, he doesn't appreciate me for them. Story of my life with people... I used to put up with this from everyone, before I wisened up. I'm not a doormat to anyone anymore, except my parents, that was my decision.

Philippinos are the most caring people in the world for the old and sick; maybe that has something to do with your grandmother's wish to go back...

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I can't think to say anything that hasn't already been better said, but what you have gone through absolutely qualifies as a calamity. And your siblings sound sociopathic.

About expecting yourself to function just as normally as ever -- reminds me of stories of people walking around with broken ribs, who tune it out and somehow think that everybody has 'some' aches and pains and so it's really normal and so they shouldn't complain or even acknowledge it to themselves. And then have an x-ray years later and find out it wasn't normal pain at all. A powerful ability direct/focus == not always a good thing. Good for survival at times, but not so good for for the long-term.

And maybe also that so much else is distressing (and must be coped with) on a daily basis that it leads to a completely warped sense of a normal level of distress is.

Your words did me a lot of good, Apple. Indeed, I was raised to not pay attention to my own pain and efforts. You reminded me that once a car almost ran me over when he was going reverse out of his garage and I passed with my bike, so seeing the car coming towards me quickly I dropped my bike trying to flee but fell on my knees and he braked. My knees bled for a long time with a seemingly deep wound, and it took me about 2 weeks to be able to walk normally and without pain. My mother said it was just a scratch, not worth seeing a doctor, and didn't make me skip school for even one day or put me into bed or expect me to take on the role of sick or anything. She just cleaned the wounds once and left to do her stuff. She expected me to walk normally, so I did, hiding the pain. It didn't occur to me, till decades later, that what I had had is called: a traffic accident with resulting injuries and an escaping driver. Needless to say, there was no talk at home about reporting the perpetrator, or about the fact that I had been a victim of an accident, or even that someone had omitted first aid to me on the road, or at the very least that someone had done something wrong to me. I'm only realizing as I write this now, that the driver did something illegal and would've had to be searched, or at least dedicated a "damn!" comment or something... And it was a neighbor down the street, so it wouldn't have been hard to locate him, at least to have a kind word with him. My mother didn't even ask me where it had happened. Thank you for making me realize all these things...