I don't understand why I keep living

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oh it undoubtedly is in my head, I wish I could forgive her for what she said and did to me, my other sister is ok I do talk with her but we have grown apart

I also feel like there is no reason to keep on living through sh***y life. I've been put in the nuthouse twice cause people found out I was going to kill myself. Now that I can't buy a gun I don't know what to do. I want something quicker than pills and that will make it easy on my parents.

it seems every kind of advice i post is cleche...

nonetheless, you make up a reason to live, theres no real one reason for everyone. whatever it is you enjoy most, make that the sole reason for you existence. for example, i enjoy witnessing and being part of the advancement of human society in gerneral, so i live because i hope that by studying biochemistry, i can one day go into research in medicine and cure a terminal illness (preferably AIDs or identifying genes that cause cancers). i enjoy learning more than everything, facts, opinions and processing it all in hopes of reaching enlightenment. i also live for the music i create with my piano, and to protect the people i could care less about through my taekwon-do. im not as happy as can be, but this keeps me going. these are just a few examples.

im sorry all i could tell you was my reason, i hope you can find something that fullfills you, if not completely, then at least enough to keep going willingly.

it would be sad if you decided to end it all. you seem like a nice person to be around, at least from your posts on here.

hope i've helped you.

I've lost faith in mankind. I do feel as if I'm from a wrong planet and I'm stuck here and I don't like my stay. I am not just awkward but hate society overall. People tell me I act twice my age. He'll my coworkers thought I was in my forties yet I'm nineteen.

I can completely sympathise with how you're feeling. Being so low that you just can't see any point in carrying on is not a nice place to be. Without the support of those who are meant to be close to you, it can be an even grimmer place, but - as cliched as this sounds - hold on. Things do get better, you find something new that makes you want to get up in the morning. You will find something else that interests you and revives your will to connect with the world again. Just be patient...life won't suddenly become magically wonderful overnight, but I'll bet you have a lot to offer the world.

Also...virtual hugs

I know how you feel, this feeling of being excluded by family, since I don't have a close family myself. Basically, they only want to associate with people who they consider successful, and I'm not in that category. Actually, even if I were the president of the world and the head of everything, they wouldn't want to have that much to do with me because I'm family, but they would at least pretend to want me around.
The key is to form your own family out of like-minded people. I'm not exactly a social butterfly, but I have a few friends and family that I hang out with and I take satisfaction and pride from dealing with them, not my actual family.

Sorry guys. I never got a chance to thank each and every one of you. Thank you so much.

I'm not great with communication one on one and I often find it difficult to find the right words when it comes to personal issues.

Well I finally vented a little (not a lot) to a childhood friend who was also their friend. I didn't say much just that I felt a little excluded from my family. I was glad that she was honest when I asked her. She also pointed out some of the observations I've given in this thread. I get so sick and tired of people thinking that they're being super nice for either pretending nothing is wrong or acting like they don't know. I'd rather hear the truth. Anyway after I deleted them from pending friendship request after waiting it out months knowing they were still using facebook and making other friends, I got a friend request from both of them. They both spoke positively of me which was just weird but I was glad. I think my friend had something to do with it....

Anyway I wasn't trying to be accepted. I would prefer my sisters to realize I'm a human being for once. I'm sure they think of me as a person but on a low function level....


As for the feel good book someone asked in here. It's a book by David Burns called "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy". There's nothing new about it, it's been around for a long time but I've heard a lot of success stories from it. It's a book on how to change your old perspectives on things and I am a bit enlightened by it. I'm still working on myself but it's hard. I still make the mistake of assuming the worst in people. I have a lot of self esteem issues and the worry of being judged all the time.....even though it's inevitable that I will. I remember reading somewhere about some of us on the spectrum looking through a half empty glass. I think for me I feel like I'm constantly on survival mode trying to function normally. It's hard not to notice the little things I struggle with other people take for granted and actually enjoy that with which I lack, friendships and relationships.


Again thank you guys. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have this handy dandy internet with a forum of people I can somewhat relate to.